Friday, September 20, 2013

He's Leaving

I have been waiting to write this. Thinking some how I would wake up from this bad dream.   Hoping that over the course of these last few days, a miracle would happen and we would hear the words-- He can stay with you.
It doesn't look like that is going to happen.
Little Guy is leaving us tomorrow.
 
It's a hard pill to swallow.
He has been doing so well these past few weeks.
Finally adjusting because he feels like he is home.
Doing better in school.
Doing better at home.
Doing more for himself.
Showing more self control.
Taking it upon himself to copy the positive behaviors of his siblings around him.
Working hard towards goals that he had no interest in just a few weeks ago.
Finally using everyone's name in the family.
 
This was supposed to be his last stop.
His forever family.
But it is not happening.
With reasons out of our control, out of our agency's control, and certainly out of his control, his previous family has decided to take him back.
Just like that.  Here today.  Gone tomorrow.
As I pulled out his suitcase stashed in my closet, I felt the resentment towards his previous family rise in my heart.  I don't care what anyone says-- he belongs here.
They made that choice. 
We checked, double checked, and triple checked that this is what the other family wanted.
They contacted us.
They said yes.
We made that commitment to him, to our other children, and to ourselves.
We have plans.
He has goals.
He is supposed to learn to write his name this year.
Recognize all the letters of the alphabet.
He was going to learn the seasons of the year.
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
He was going to have surgery to correct his eyes.
He was going to gain another pound or two or three.
Lose a few more teeth.
Read more books.
Learn to swim.
Learn to roller skate with not one, but two skates.
 
There is so much to love about him.
He is sweet.
He is playful.
He is Nolan's bosom buddy.
He loves sweets.
He loves baths.
He loves Little Bear.
He loves yogurt.
He loves to watch mini movies of himself.
He loves to dance during church worship.
 
There isn't much that he can give in return, but just being his mom is gift enough.
Seeing his progress makes it all worth it.
Hearing him call me Mom.
Watching him fall asleep in John's arms.
Seeing his face light up when I tell him we are going swimming.
 
Our family is sure going to miss Little Guy.
 
 

38 comments:

  1. That is so very sad.....I pray that he will get settled again and work on those goals and dreams.

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  2. I'm really sorry, Christine. I hope that his going back will end up being a good thing and that his other family will be able to give him the love and nurturing that he needs. It doesn't make it any easier to lose him, though. Hugs.

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  3. That's sad. But nothing can happen to us that God can't use for his good. That's not to say don't grieve. Your family will grieve his loss. I pray it brings you closer. And who knows, the other family may change their minds again!

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  4. Oh Christine I am so sorry. So very sorry. My heart is breaking for all of you!! I will be praying for your family and little guy.

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  5. Oh wow, this is heartwrenching. I'm sad for you and your family. And for Little Guy, too! We'll have to pray that he won't regress after all that progress he made in your home.

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  6. I am so sorry. It has been wonderful and AMAZING to read of your unconditional love for this boy who was so difficult to take care of at first, and see how far he has come.
    The possibilities are endless for what he can do because of you!
    I hope and pray he will continue to continue on this path of great development, and that you will all be able to find peace in this new reality.

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  7. Wow. BTDT, as has our mutual friend (by proxy) recently, as you know. TOTALLY STINKS! And it is sooooo unfair to the child! In our case, we got our boy back and adopted within 3 months. Hope your story (and Z's) ends in a happily ever after, too.

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  8. I can only hope they will change their minds again... or, at the very least that this decision is God-directed.

    You must just feel awful; I am so very sorry...and I could tell from your writing how hard you worked. It was a true labor of love, and I can also tell you were stretched. God can make good come of anything. I'll pray you can soon see some blessings somehow.

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  9. This breaks my heart, the law is so unfair in this respect. You shouldn't be able to change your mind like that. The decision should be final, for the child's sake as well as the new family.

    So sorry you guys are hurting.

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  10. Christine,

    I've been here 10 times before as a foster parent being told I can adopt them. I'm praying. No words will bring you the comfort you need. Know that although short lived you made a difference and because of you and your family and your prayers his life will be forever changed.

    Hugs,

    Valerie

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  11. I am so sorry. The law sure screws up in this regard!

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  12. I'm so sorry, Christine. My heart aches for your whole family and for the poor little guy who must be so confused. Maybe he will be back soon. Praying for all of you. :\

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  13. Sorry Christine. While I don't know anything about his other family, I can't imagine them possibly being a better fit than yours was. Keep your head up!

    -Paige

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  14. So sorry to hear this Christine. What happens if the family changes their mind again, would you be taking him back?

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  15. I am sooo... sorry. I can't imagine the pain you are all feeling, nor the reason the previous family has decided is a legitimate reason.

    Hugs & Prayers!

    Laurel :)

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  16. Christine, I'm so very sorry! I'm praying for him not to regress and also for Nolan, who will miss him so much. This is just awful. Praying. XOXOXO

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  17. I just have a feeling he will be back with you soon :)

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  19. I am so sorry Christine. What a heartbreaking time for you and your family. I don't know why this is happening, but I do know we have a big God who loves this Little Guy more than we can fathom and who has plans for him. You are in my prayers.

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  20. Hi! I am sorry for you and your family. I know how hard your whole family has worked on helping Little Guy.If you want to talk give me a call. You are in my prayers,Pat

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  21. I'm so sorry. Sending love your way.

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  22. Hugs and prayers for all of you today!

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  23. I am so very sad to read this. I will be praying for all of you!

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  24. Christine, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will be praying for all of you, and for little guy, that he does not regress. Also, will be praying that he will come back to your family if that is God's will for him.

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  25. Hugs Christine...and lots of prayers for all of you!

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  26. NO! This is wrong... Why would the other family play head games with this sweet little boy. I think its disgusting. They don't deserve him... I am so sorry. I pray "little guy" doesnt feel shuffled around... What terrible people they are.. SO MAD!
    Stacey NY

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  27. This must be absolutely heartbreaking. Realize though- you have made a large impact on him. He will not forget. I am also feeling that he will be back. Just hope it is soon, if that is the case, so you do not lose too much groundwork you've made.

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  28. Please know that I am praying for your family as you go through this hard time.I found your blog through Mama D at http://www.ourjourneyoffaith.net/. I'm looking to connect with other adoptive families as I know we can provide each other understanding, love and support that others cannot fully understand. If you ever need an ear or someone to pray for you please know that I am here.

    Many prayers,
    Allison

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  29. I am sorry for the feelings of loss the family must be experiencing. There were recent national news stories on disrupted adoptions. A family sent a female child to basically an unknown home, turned out to be a horrible situation,and after some time passed they got the girl back. I don't understand the process of disruption, is it supervised by a state agency? Who looks out for the welfare of the child? Are home checks made by a child agency to check into home situations prior to a child going from one home to another?

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  30. I'm so sorry. Scant comfort, but no love is wasted. Ever. You have given him a precious gift and he will carry that with him wherever he goes.

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  31. I'm so sorry. Scant comfort, but no love is wasted. Not ever. You have given him a precious gift, and he will carry it with him always.

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  32. I am so sorry! Praying for you all.

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  33. So sorry for the loss. I pray that Little Guy is able to continue his growth with his family....and if not that he finds his way back to yours.

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  34. Hey Christine, I just saw the new and am praying for your little guy and your family. We had a foster son for 6 weeks. We loved him so much, we had no idea how difficult he would be, and how little support we would have in that situation. We had to let him go because he assalted out infant at the time. We mourned him for a long time, even though it was the best thing for all of s.
    I know God hears our prayers and in in control. Good wins!
    Holly

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  35. I am horrified for you. I have felt the same heart ache myself.

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