My daughter unloads a dirty dishwasher full of dishes into the cupboards . If only she had asked.
My daughter eats something that was meant for someone else. If only she had asked.
My daughter turns off the light that indicates the dishwasher is clean so it gets washed twice. If only she had asked.
My daughter tries to unclog the toilet by herself. If only she had asked.
My daughter dices the tomatoes for sandwiches instead of slices. If only she had asked.
My daughter gets rid of three pairs of shoes that could have gone to another sister. If only she had asked.
My daughter accidentally erases all of the songs off her MP3 player. If only she had asked.
Now please understand that these are not big deals in the grand scheme of things. They certainly make things a little inconvenient, but nothing I haven't dealt with as a parent in the past. What makes them a problem is that my daughter is not letting me be her Mom. She is not allowing herself to be taught. My daughter would rather do something wrong than ask for help. And not just my help but anyone's help. Then watch out when I try to correct and teach her. It ends up the same way. She chews nails for the next hour because she took it way too personally.
I explain to her that it is normal for her to not know how to do everything. It's okay. I tell her that I had to ask my Mom lots of things growing up and still do. She has only been in America for a few years. She has only had the opportunity to do these things since she has been my daughter. She is learning everything at a much older age so she has three times as much to learn in order to catch up to her sisters. She shouldn't beat herself up for not knowing how to do certain things yet. I told her how I want to help her, teach her..... be her Mom. I know that once she learns, she will be able to do it right without asking. I am certain of it. I remind her that if would just ask she would avoid doing it wrong and getting upset when I correct her.
I think she is beginning to realize that asking for help is better than not asking for help. Finally. It took many talks, but I do think I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Now we are moving on to getting her to think ahead. We have canned and dry food for the dogs. Since she feeds the dogs she knows when their food is getting low. We ran out of wet food about a week ago and I found out only because I asked. I used this time to teach her to tell me when there is only one or two cans left so I can get more before the dogs run out. I was so pleased when she seemed to get what I was saying.
I am hopeful. :)