Monday, December 12, 2011

I'm Glad The Day is Over

Life is busy.  I think I say that all the time.  It started at 7:30 this morning with Alex's annual review IEP meeting at the school.  The teacher thinks that mainstreaming him into a repeat 1st grade class next year is a good idea.  Yes, it's early to be talking next year, but I appreciate her mentioning it.

After, Alex had his Pre-Op appointment where he needed to be blood typed and cross matched-- one of two blood draws.  One nurse in particular wanted to keep referring to me as the adoptive mother-- to the point of me feeling harassed.  "It is our policy to list adoptive in front of mother on all paperwork-- blah blah blah blah."  "We need to see your adoption decree-- blah blah blah blah."  "It should be known that you are not his biological parent because you know-- blah blah blah blah," said nurse #1.

"Really.  You are the first one to make such a big deal out of it.  Even though I produced this documentation the first time we came to this hospital-- just in case-- you are the first one to request it.   Why didn't he need it for his MRI or CMG or all of his clinical appts?  And how come I am not asked to write biological on my other children's paperwork? " I asked.

"Just put adoptive in front of the word mother when it lists your relationship," nurse #1 said.

At this point, even Rachel felt offended.  In the hall we overheard nurse #1 tell nurse #2 who was to take Alex's vitals-- "She is his adoptive mother."  Unbelievable.  She just wouldn't let up. Nurse #2 starts with, "I understand you are his adoptive mother..." That was enough.  I let her know that I wanted to be referred to as just Mom or I might have to talk with someone who could help me understand this need to be singled out and labeled his adoptive mother. all. the. time.  Not another mention of Alex being adopted. :)

Now don't worry, I remained calm and nice even though you may hint sarcasm or rudeness in my post-- so don't go jumping on my case.  This is my place to vent-- and trust me, this is worth venting about.  For Rachel to hear over and over and over that the world considers there to be a difference in how a biological child is referred to verses an adopted child-- well they should have been more professional.  Plain and simple.

We finally got out of that medical office by noon to head over to our primary doctor to get a new lab slip to go have more bloodwork done.  I rushed to get the paperwork only to find the lab closed for lunch.  We waited in the rain for twenty minutes. :( 

Once that was done, we went shopping for ingredients to make a huge pot of borscht.  Yum!

Tomorrow Dennis will see the Occularist to have a new prosthetic eye made.

Wednesday we meet with our homeschool teacher.

Thursday is surgery day for Alex.  I am praying for many miracles here.  I pray that Alex's mobility will improve.  I pray that his bowel and bladder control will get better.  I pray that this one on one time with him will help in our bonding.  Personally, I feel that my being the only familiar face there while he is recovering from surgery will help him to feel a deeper connection-- that I am his mother, the one who cares for him, the one he should look to for comfort.  I can use that deeper connection myself.  My plan is to get cozy with him in his hospital bed if the nurses allow it. :)

At the end of the day, I must say my favorite thing to do is to sit down and have devotional time with our whole family.  We are reading Kisses from Katie.  Well... John is reading it to all of us.  Her obedience to the Lord has been a blessing to read all about.  I am in awe how God uses each of us to inspire to love like He loves.  He is certainly using her story to inspire me.  I never tire of hearing how with God-- all things are possible.  I know that to be true in our family.  I know that to be true for Katie in Uganda.   If you read any book this coming year-- I encourage you to read this one.  It will challenge you to go deeper in your relationship with God as you choose to serve Him-- through serving the lonely, the sick, the orphaned, the widowed... the least of these.  With the New Year right around the corner, what do you want to do with the rest of your life to make a difference?


  1. Oh boy.......all 3 of my children were adopted. The ONLY time we had a "professional" give us a problem was at a well baby visit. My one child birthmom changed her mind a million as a result she had a different name than we had given her on the birth cert..thus the insurance...They kept calling her by her birth name. Where we live it would take months to get the adoption finalized and thus the paperwork...i said I understood that on all paperwork her name would be such and such but please refer to her as "her name" as that is what she is called.

    Thankfully we learned that our insurance doesnt even ask for any proof of birth or name so we never had a problem again.

    But like you even though I was in tears they just wouldn't let it go. they didn't realize that name reminded me of all the pain her birthmom had caused us, all the dramatics, the flying back and forth between states everytime she changed her mind....we just wanted her name to be "olivia"

    How did they even know Alex was adopted? Just curious as I don't think anyone even knows at our Dr office except the Dr.

    you handled it very well. I will pray for Alex.

  2. Oooooo, I think a letter to the hospital administration would be very well appreciated. I am sure there are some people on staff that need better training in professional patient care!!

  3. You are pretty damn amazing and I find your blog, words and family inspirational. (I tried to find substitute words for 'pretty damn' but nothing conveyed the strength of my sentiment better at this time. I apologise if I offend with the choice of words :))

    I've been reading your blog since the voting days in November and I look forward to reading in the days, and months to come.

    I hope and pray the surgery goes well.

  4. OH WOW! That is a time to rip somebody's head of Christine! LOL :)

    Not only should you write a letter to administration but consider a SERIOUS legal LETTER with TEETH.
    You should NEVER EVER have to give an adoption decree to a hospital. PERIOD.

    Blood pressure is UP!


  6. That is awful that the nurses were acting like that. I would be writing a letter to complain!

  7. I get that adoptive mother thing a lot with my biracial son, but never with my white ones. It's gotten to where I've asked them if they would call me that if I was black or he was white. That fixed it for me. I feel for ya! You can't play the race card, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

  8. I would be pretty incensed about that encounter. Our local dentist's office has murmured something about having to produce adoption paperwork so our son could be treated. But we never had to produced any such thing for our bio children! I got a little testy about it, and the subject was dropped.

  9. Incredible! I agree - very unprofessional and For what reason?
    I just finished reading Kisses from Katie. What an amazing book. I was inspired too.

  10. It's really obvious that I'm the adoptive mom but the only time anyone has made a fuss over it was in a good way when I took the twins to their first appt. It doesn't even need pointed out unless you are talking about genetic things and they want to test both of you or something.

  11. I agree that a letter is in order. We get that stuff all the time from doctors asking about their parents in front of the kids!! It kills me for my kids as I know being an adoptee myself that those words can hurt. I am sorry for your kids to have to hear that over and over.

  12. I had the same issue when my son was in the hospital. Let's just say 2 open heart surgeries and 3 months later, my patience was gone, so I just threatened to sue them. It worked.

  13. Unbelievable! I can't think of even one reason a parent or child would be addressed that way.

    I fourth or fifth the previous commenters that a letter is in order to the head of the hospital about that nurse's unacceptable behavior. You are already probably stressed about the upcoming surgery and certainly don't need to add to that with this ninny's comments.

    Hope all goes well with Alex's surgery. Will be praying for a positive outcome. Merry Christmas!

    Cheryl in ID

  14. Christine,
    I am a nurse and worked in a hospital for years and years. Please complain to someone very important. I don't care if you were polite to that nurse or not. I'm not really sure what I would have said to her, but my blood boiled at reading your post. I happen to have bio and adopted sons. No one has ever asked for our paperwork. What did they think? That some random woman was going to drag a child to a hospital for some painful needlesticks and tests??? Good grief! Of course you are his mom!

  15. I hear ya, Christine. It drives me crazy when people have to use "adoptive" as a qualifier. Like, we're second class parents or something. Fortunately, the only time it comes up for us is in medical visits when they ask about family history and I have to say that I don't know. But then, it's not mentioned again.

  16. I have six kids and in all the doctoring/form filling out I've done in 25 years not ONCE have I been asked if I was the biological or adoptive mom. That is too weird. I can see if they medically needed that information and history, it would be one thing, but that wasn't the case. You did a great job of being polite and venting away to us. That's what blogging is for - being able to vent and get encouragement all at once!

  17. There are legitimate reasons to know he is not a biological relation to you, but a simple comment on his chart should be sufficient. Every time I take in any of my kids to a new doctor we are routinely asked if any of them were adopted, I say yes, P and Noa and Ezra were, and Craig is not a biological relation either, they put a small comment on the chart and that's it. Once the ped explained in detail while that info is important, and it all made sense. Now since that info is already in the computer system, there is no need to ask or emphasise further. So go ahead and write the letter stating you know this might be an important information in a medical sense, but in all legal ways you are his mother. Nothing else.

  18. My son has had multiple surgeries (now two years ago, but it still feels like yesterday) and the only issues I have as an adoptive mom is that I don't know his history. So they did write "adopted, unknown" on a lot of questions. But they never made an issue more than that about it. I think you are right to pursue it. Our kids have enough strikes against them!

    And about bonding over surgery-I think it is a wonderful time to connect. I was able to spend almost a week with just my son after one of his surgeries. Just the two of us in the hospital with nothing on our agenda. Watching Sponge Bob, helping him without the usual hurry to get to the bathroom, looking out the window, waking up and going to sleep next to each other, wandering the hospital halls dragging the iv pole. It was a nervewracking time but also a wonderful time of learning to enjoy one another.

    Hope tomorrow goes well!


  19. I have to say, I'm offended by how you were treated. I'm the mother of an adopted child, and a nurse. I also work in the OR where I have to check consents on patients going to the OR. I never would say adoptive mom, nor see the reason to have it listed that way. I do think a letter to administration is in order. I think that the issue needs to be addressed and additional training to those staff memebers.
    I hope Alex did well with his surgery.

  20. Christine, I have been following your blog silently for a few months already. I never commented because I didn't feel qualified. I certainly read your posts and also drew inspiration from them because as future teacher (still in university, but already working an awful lot with kids) I also consider it important to help kids to learn to live, not only provide them with knowledge. Friendship, love and trust are values they need to experience every single day.

    But today, I feel ... well, put your strongest word for disappointed here ... for you. Let me keep this short: apart from all the comments above, many many "biological mothers" do NOT give as much to their chchildren as you do. I hate it when scientific facts are ranked higher than actual merits - I as well am a victim of that. Feel free to ask ;)!

    So, long comment, simple fact ;).

  21. Christine good luck what ever you do Pat

  22. Why would they even need to know he was adopted? There is absolutely no reason it should be put anywhere in his paperwork. I have never heard of such and I work in the medical field? Crazy....


I find your comments so inspiring! Thanks for visiting our family blog, and sharing your thoughts.