Tuesday, December 13, 2011

He Likes Him

I stayed up late addressing Christmas cards.  With a letter to go along only half finished, I wondered if I would find the words to sum up the rest of 2011.  John to the rescue-- he added eight more sentences to make it complete.  Now Dennis is busy writing his Christmas cards.  He pays attention to detail like that.  He made sure that I knew that I forgot to give him a gift for the class exchange on Friday and surprised him after his nap. 
"Is that for me?"
"Yes, but you have to take it to your teacher tomorrow okay?"

We met with the occularist whom I adore.  He is so awesome with Dennis that Dennis let me know how much he loves this doctor. :)  The occularist wanted to get an eye mold so that the new prosthetic would be a better fit.  I was somewhat skeptical since Dennis had always fought and screamed the previous occularist (who was also wonderful) who attempted the same thing.  But I guess Dennis was ready.  He was more trusting... brave... and overall a very big boy!  He stayed perfectly still and in no time we were out of there!  I rushed home so that John could head to BSF with the older kids.

Adam stayed home to do homework and as a treat we made really chocolatey hot chocolate with Sveta, Anastasia, Paul, Alex, and Dennis.  It hit the spot!
Some random things that happened in the Reed household.

It didn't snow like John predicted.

That didn't stop me from waking up the girls by turning on their lights and yelling to come outside and look at all the snow!  It was fun!

Dennis was running to get me something and he ran right into Anastasia's hand playing tennis on the Wii.  He screamed ouch!, but he's okay.

I caught Anastasia "bugging" Alex by turning the light on and off quickly.  This is the first time I have seen something like this.  To me it is just another step in her feeling more like part of the family. She smiled and said okay when I told her to stop.

Alex had his seventh good behavior day at school.  Ironic since Dennis brought home his first red card for talking and playing around on the carpet.

We took our expecting neighbor over a container of fresh borscht with extra veggies as a thank you for feeding our dogs when we were gone last week.  Later Anna told me how this neighbor had told her that vegetables didn't taste good to her right now.  Hmmm?  Hope she meant raw veggies!

P.S.  I got the address to write a letter (about the adopted comments) to the hospital and I even got the nurses name.  I can even hand deliver the letter since I'll be there in 2 days.  I'm not sure what to write though.  Any suggestions?


  1. So glad Dennis likes his new doctor! Isn't it amazing what a few months in maturity can do for a little guy? :)

    As for the letter: Educate them. Bring the birth certificate that says, YOU AND JOHN ARE HIS PARENTS. PERIOD.... it as if you were in Ukraine and gave birth to him, no difference. If there is a policy that asks for adoption decrees, ask for the discriminatory practice to be REMOVED! It is an offense. Let then know how your children were HURT by the nurses words, and how it affected you and gave you a bad view of the hospital in general.
    And then thank them for hearing you out. Let them know you love your children and do not see them as "adopted" but as REEDS THROUGH AND THROUGH! And you are PROUD OF THEM.

  2. Have to laugh here! Going in for a readoption. Siblings can be adopted in one petition for $516.00. Unrelated children at $1,032.00. Now, our names are on their Lithuanian birth certificates, so one petition and one filing fee, right? Not so much. Turned away DH and now I get to argue with the Clerk of Court about how our girls are now SIBLINGS and qualify for one petition for us to adopt them again! They are no longer unrelated. So, at least your nurse didn't try to charge double for her misconception!

  3. The last question the judge asked us during our adoption hearing of Mia was, "Will you give this child all the rights and privileges as if she had been born to you and treat her no different than a biological child?" That's the LAW in Colorado! Perhaps it's the law in California too which means the hospital is breaking the law. Do you know a therapist who could write a letter about the harmful affects this woman's actions might have? She probably has no idea what goes through an adopted child's mind. My guess is if she is such a stickler about this "rule" she would also be a stickler about compassion if she was educated. She may turn about to be a great advocate if she knows a little more.

  4. I agree with the above comment. Let them know which nurse it was; she needs to be spoken to. And let them know how incredibly hurt your children were by those words.
    Most places are so afraid to be accused of any discrimination. I know my hospital was. Please let them know that ill-informed employees are opening their institution up to being held accountable for this apparent bias against adoptive families. Making you write "adoptive"? Wow!
    In my experience as a nurse, I have never, ever asked anyone for birth certificate, adoption certificate or any other proof of anything.


  5. So glad Dennis likes his doctor. That really helps! Dorian has a couple of doctors that he gets along with very well and it has made life ten times easier.

    Congrats to Alex on the good behavior, that's great!

    Even if your neighbor can't eat veggies, I'm sure she appreciated the thought . . . and probably had someone else who enjoyed the borscht very much!

  6. Please ask that your paperwork be changed to list you as the mother. Show them the birth certificate which will list you as having given birth to Alex in Ukraine, with your husband listed as the father:) I am adopted and have adopted children myself. I love to talk with people about adoption and am very open. This, however, is inappropriate. There is no reason this should be asked or even indicated on any paperwork. The only time we have had to specify was when our adoption was completed and we were adding the kids onto our insurance which is totally expected. Even with biological kids, we had to prove that we were their parents. If you happen to have to deal with that particular nurse again, maybe you could refer to her as 'the tacky nurse', or 'the uneducated nurse' or 'the nurse with biological parents'. Just kidding. Kind of.

  7. I myself have struggled with how to address similar comments. I want to say to those people, "People with biological kids don't go around saying, "Here is my biological son X" why should I have to label my sons?

    I understand from a medical standpoint it may be important to know for purposes of inherited medical conditions, but once that has been asked and answered and noted it should not have to be brought up again and again. It is each medical professional's job to refer to the medical records if necessary and note the fact that the child is adiopted, but otherwise it shouldn't be necessary to continue to state what has already been established.

  8. I had a few thoughts when I first read the situation. Nurses and Doctors are held by Hepa privacy acts. Identifying your adoption as a critical part of medical history, which it is, by default means that they must not discuss it loud enough for others to hear. She was in serious violation of privacy acts. That will hit home since they can get in big trouble for this.

    On the less legal side, just pointing out that emotional and social development is just as equally important as physical development. And asking her to consider the separation that adopted children have already felt in their lives and that segregating them repetatively is just cruel and definitely harassing.

    I admire you for writing the letter.

    Merry Christmas my friend and thank you for all the wisdom and blessings you have given me this year :-)


  9. You have lots of great advice already on the letter. It is our job to educate when we are placed in these situations. Doesn't mean we want someone to lose their job, we just want them to do it with more respect!

  10. I agree with many comments above, but remember that we are to say all things in Love. Don't write it when you are sooo angry. Since it's been a few days, you will have a better perspective to be able to write it in Love. Having said that, do what some of the others suggested. They are great pieces of advice. The hospital should know what that nurse did. She is wrong.


  11. Seattle Children's Hospital was the same way, also insisting we bring legal proof of being our parents children otherwise we would be listed as their legal guardians...WHAT? No where else has this been a problem and as you know we've seen specialists all over the USA. We gave the customer service a piece of our mind, because not only the nurse but the physician made comments to our daughter about needing to become American and that had we known how severe her disabilities actually were, we wouldn't have adopted her. No thanks. Be straight forward about the situation and let them know you expect all future visits will be without such episodes otherwise you will have to take further action. If it comes to that I have your next steps...this coming from a corporate compliance/risk management nurse I know quite well:)

  12. As hurtful as I'm sure those comments were for you to hear as a mom, I would instead focus on how hurtful they were to your children. Or could be to any other child who might receive the same treatment.

    As an adult, you understand that you're Alex's mom. But children, whether they've spent their entire lives in one family or not, don't comprehend the same way. They don't understand why some other adults don't "get it," and why they don't want to learn. I know your first priority is always your children, and focusing on the reasons that repeatedly referring to you as Alex's adoptive mother is hurtful to all your children (whether your family is their first, second, or third) demonstrates that as a mom, bringing your child to a doctor, you expect the best physical and emotional treatment.


I find your comments so inspiring! Thanks for visiting our family blog, and sharing your thoughts.