Becoming Vulnerable

I think we have hit a milestone, or shall I say Galina hit a milestone. She is finally being herself, through and through... I think. Now don't take this as a negative... I in fact find it very refreshing. For her, she has been most reserved I think, and now that she is relaxing and maybe slipping so that her true colors show, I am finally seeing that she is just like my other girls.

I am so glad.

The other day, I left her and a few of her sisters home with Rachel in charge. They all knew or should have known that Rachel was in charge. At some point, Galina and Anna got into it over a pencil. Galina wouldn't give it back, Anna demanded it back, Galina finally gave it back, then Anna pretended to stab her with the eraser side, and finally Galina grabbed it again along with some of Anna's hair. The way that went down was never a debate.

Still, the girls' emotions were running high, and Rachel sent Galina to her room to calm down.

This is when Galina began yelling that her other family was better, she was closer to her other family, and that we were all a bunch of freaks.

This hurt Rachel, who I think remembers saying the same things to us early on.

By the time I got home, the girls had made up, but Rachel was still upset at how quickly Galina could rattle off such hurtful things just because she was mad. I of course sat all the girls down and talked to them. I asked Galina point blank if she had indeed said those things... and why? She hesitated to answer, but I demanded the truth. As she pondered what to say, I told her that her words were not the first I have heard, and that they were pretty normal things to say when you want to hurt someone else. Did she want to truly hurt us, or was she just mad? She answered that she was really mad and said those things without really meaning them. I appreciated her honesty since we all know that she wouldn't be with us if things were as great as she had said. I expressed how her words hurt. How would she like if everytime I got upset with her I yelled, "It would be so much better without you here! Our house became a circus when you joined it!" She acknowledged that those words would sting and of course I would never say those things to her, but she got my point. In the end, I think she felt my pain because they had gotten into a fight. I think she appreciated my honesty that her words had the capacity to hurt me even if they wren't said directly to me. I was vulnerable... just like I expect her to be. I told her that when we can all be vulnerable with each other, it means that we are close because we trust each other to show our real feelings.

I really think that Galina was expecting a different reaction from me. I think she expected me to take Rachel's side instead of giving her a chance to tell her side of the story. I think she expected just punishment. I think the talk went really well because I am now seeing her feel free to make mistakes. I see her participating more. I see her sharing her thoughts more. I see her becoming more comfortable with being my daughter.

It is all good. Today I took her to the dentist. Even though she is not legally my daughter yet, she went to the dentist like all my other children. It feels like she is my daughter when I am able to care for all her needs. I think she feels it too. Yes, even the dentist can be a bonding moment. My daughter had three cavities filled today. And she was a trooper. No numbing. I am so jealous. I on the other hand spent four hours at the dentist this morning only to find out that two cavities caused by cracks were deeper than the dentist thought, so I needed to get onlays instead. The job is not yet finished.. only three more hours to go, so you can see why I am jealous. I told her, and she smiled.

This past weekend, I was gone at another women's retreat with our church. John had really encouraged me to go so that I could get to know some of the other women, but little did either of us know that the speaker would be speaking directly to me all weekend (or so it felt). It is amazing to see God meet my needs when I least expect it. I couldn't believe it when the speaker talked about the exact thing that had been weighing on my heart. What a wonderful feeling to have that weight lifted. Praise God!

In a few days, I will have a sixteen year old. Can you believe it? I think we are going to do something fun this weekend to celebrate. The kids can't stand that John and I aren't telling them beforehand.

Rachel finally has an assessment plan. I hope that testing is completed before school is finished. William has been exited from his IEP, and my plan is to home school him next year. This should be interesting. Thankfully, we have a nice, long summer break first.