Oh how many times I've had nearly that exact conversation... If I had a penny for every time! It's so true, there are people who just don't realize what comes out of their mouths. I have seen another skit like this one of two coworkers in an office talking about an upcoming adoption. I wish more people could hear this! We are the lucky ones to have them! Not the other way around. :)
Satire...meant to be humorous and for me it is as it hits on the dumb comments I've received as not only an infertile woman but one that has adopted transracially...I've heard just about everything (including one person who implied I was a "loose" woman when I was out and about w/ my different looking foster children...I couldn't get mad as I was laughing too hard at the stupidity)...I love the other ones (like SAHM and Working mom and the Christmas one). Sometimes get a chuckle at the comments of those that don't get that it's satire and take it seriously and start to argue a point.
I saw it and thought it was more sad than funny. I do think that we need to temper our tempers with love....but also put our children first even if it means appearing to be rude to people who are obviously being nosey and or rude to us. Remembering that we represent Christ to others who so often truly are just ignorant and not malicious keeps me from some smart-alec comments most of the time!
Not about this video exactly, but just a thought about my real-life experience...
Over the years, as we thought about adoption and learned more and more, I felt like I was being attacked for trying to learn. I wouldn't be the one asking the question, but I would read blog posts where adoptive parents were venting (VERY angrily) their frustration at the people who had asked them specific questions. I was completely genuine and found myself wanting to know some of the exact things that someone had asked this AP, who in turn dished out severe wrath. So, I found myself not wanting to ask questions from fear that it would be phrased incorrectly.
We don't a child home through adoption yet, but now that we are actually in the process, I hear a lot of these ignorant comments, too. I can see how frustrating it is and some of them REALLY do sound rude. So far all of these questions have come to me from people I REALLY know, so I KNOW they're sincere. It has helped me stop, take a breath and remember their exposure to adoption has been little to nothing and answer nicely.
By the time we're adoptive parents, we've likely poured over information and families for a VERY long time and something as simple as vocabulary or terms is in a whole different world than those who haven't been around adoption. I think we need to be really sensitive to that.
I'm of the opinion that we don't need to treat anyone rudely. Someone asking an ignorant question about my adopted child...in front of my adopted child...will get the same response from me as someone who said a bully-type comment to my biological child. I speak nicely, but use it to teach that person something they obviously haven't learned. Then, I speak to my child about how most people really don't mean things in a malicious way. They just truly do not understand and we can help them know more so they may not hurt someone else's feelings in the future.
I had to snort when the adoptive mom of a child of another racial background said "oh I think she will figure this one out herself" that just cracked me up. they must have asked adoptive parents for all the stupid things people say to us and put them all in this ONE video! except they didnt say "oh, you're done now right?" cus yknow surely THEY know whats best for our family, and we are complete idiots.
EVERY ONE of those things has been said to me. One woman even said, "If I didn't have a hysterectomy, I would let you use my uterus for your husband's sperm and your egg. That way the child would really be yours." AWESOME. THANKS SO MUCH. Honestly. As for the "she's so lucky!" statement... My reply is, "well, we're lucky to be her parents." Honestly!
Over the years I have been asked a lot of dumb questions. I've never been offended by any of them. I'm sure there are people out there who ask questions to be mean or try to be funny. I do think most people just want to know the answer and phrase the question wrong. I'm sure I've been politically incorrect many times about issues I don't know a lot about. As adoptive parents we have learned what is the PC thing to say. I certainly didn't always know what I know now. I will say this video is a little over the top but no doubt there are people out there who ask these same questions. Dawn
When asked an awkward question I do not wish to answer, I have learned to do this: wait a couple seconds before responding, then do a blank face stare and say, "Why ever would you want to know?" That puts the pressure back on the boundary challenger, and takes it off the mom and child, just trying to get on with their lives. I always tell my kids and students both that there are two types of curious...curious rooted in care, and curious rooted in care less. Determine which one it is before deciding to engage or not. If it is merely gap-toothed, self righteous, bubba digging in my business, then it gets the Kabbosh. Ditto and double it for involving my kids.
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Very interesting. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of those kinds of comments.
Oh how many times I've had nearly that exact conversation... If I had a penny for every time! It's so true, there are people who just don't realize what comes out of their mouths. I have seen another skit like this one of two coworkers in an office talking about an upcoming adoption. I wish more people could hear this! We are the lucky ones to have them! Not the other way around. :)
Satire...meant to be humorous and for me it is as it hits on the dumb comments I've received as not only an infertile woman but one that has adopted transracially...I've heard just about everything (including one person who implied I was a "loose" woman when I was out and about w/ my different looking foster children...I couldn't get mad as I was laughing too hard at the stupidity)...I love the other ones (like SAHM and Working mom and the Christmas one). Sometimes get a chuckle at the comments of those that don't get that it's satire and take it seriously and start to argue a point.
Sad but true that so many conversations are this way.
Wow.
I saw it and thought it was more sad than funny. I do think that we need to temper our tempers with love....but also put our children first even if it means appearing to be rude to people who are obviously being nosey and or rude to us. Remembering that we represent Christ to others who so often truly are just ignorant and not malicious keeps me from some smart-alec comments most of the time!
Wow... that is so the way it is!
Not about this video exactly, but just a thought about my real-life experience...
Over the years, as we thought about adoption and learned more and more, I felt like I was being attacked for trying to learn. I wouldn't be the one asking the question, but I would read blog posts where adoptive parents were venting (VERY angrily) their frustration at the people who had asked them specific questions. I was completely genuine and found myself wanting to know some of the exact things that someone had asked this AP, who in turn dished out severe wrath. So, I found myself not wanting to ask questions from fear that it would be phrased incorrectly.
We don't a child home through adoption yet, but now that we are actually in the process, I hear a lot of these ignorant comments, too. I can see how frustrating it is and some of them REALLY do sound rude. So far all of these questions have come to me from people I REALLY know, so I KNOW they're sincere. It has helped me stop, take a breath and remember their exposure to adoption has been little to nothing and answer nicely.
By the time we're adoptive parents, we've likely poured over information and families for a VERY long time and something as simple as vocabulary or terms is in a whole different world than those who haven't been around adoption. I think we need to be really sensitive to that.
I'm of the opinion that we don't need to treat anyone rudely. Someone asking an ignorant question about my adopted child...in front of my adopted child...will get the same response from me as someone who said a bully-type comment to my biological child. I speak nicely, but use it to teach that person something they obviously haven't learned. Then, I speak to my child about how most people really don't mean things in a malicious way. They just truly do not understand and we can help them know more so they may not hurt someone else's feelings in the future.
CORNY, but I know those comments have been given out unasked or without true thought.
those cartoons creep me out.
Too funny! I hate the "so her father must be black" question. Or as someone once said to one of my coworkers, "oh her father must be very handsome"
Um.. Thank you?
I had to snort when the adoptive mom of a child of another racial background said "oh I think she will figure this one out herself" that just cracked me up. they must have asked adoptive parents for all the stupid things people say to us and put them all in this ONE video! except they didnt say "oh, you're done now right?" cus yknow surely THEY know whats best for our family, and we are complete idiots.
EVERY ONE of those things has been said to me. One woman even said, "If I didn't have a hysterectomy, I would let you use my uterus for your husband's sperm and your egg. That way the child would really be yours."
AWESOME. THANKS SO MUCH.
Honestly.
As for the "she's so lucky!" statement... My reply is, "well, we're lucky to be her parents."
Honestly!
I just had to laugh and sigh -- satire of the ignorant...
Over the years I have been asked a lot of dumb questions. I've never been offended by any of them. I'm sure there are people out there who ask questions to be mean or try to be funny. I do think most people just want to know the answer and phrase the question wrong. I'm sure I've been politically incorrect many times about issues I don't know a lot about. As adoptive parents we have learned what is the PC thing to say. I certainly didn't always know what I know now. I will say this video is a little over the top but no doubt there are people out there who ask these same questions.
Dawn
Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with these kinds of comments for quite awhile. But OH MY it brings back memories! Thanks for the chuckle. ;)
When asked an awkward question I do not wish to answer, I have learned to do this: wait a couple seconds before responding, then do a blank face stare and say, "Why ever would you want to know?" That puts the pressure back on the boundary challenger, and takes it off the mom and child, just trying to get on with their lives.
I always tell my kids and students both that there are two types of curious...curious rooted in care, and curious rooted in care less. Determine which one it is before deciding to engage or not. If it is merely gap-toothed, self righteous, bubba digging in my business, then it gets the Kabbosh. Ditto and double it for involving my kids.
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