Anonymous said...
'I dont mean to be offensive,' really. But how do you decide that at some point, theres some people who really intend to offend you? They just hope by saying that they dont want to offend, that makes it ok. Every decision you make for your present or future kids, may not be the same decision I would make for mine. Humans have choices. But please dont let people make you doubt yourself. Your children are all productive members of society. Sure they may cross the line every once in awhile, but they are still children. All children, adopted or birthed, have the right to make mistakes, an error in judgement. But at the end of the day, you know that you are raising your kids right. Even if you have 30 of them. Although,you may have to eventually employ a bathroom clean up crew at some point, just for the girls.
January 22, 2011 9:32 PM
I believe Anonymous may have been referring to this recent comment.
Asiya said...
Frankly, a birthday is a celebration of who an individual was, is and could be. It is a celebration of life. A celebration of what God created.No one should be denied this celebration, or the simple gifts and joy of it...because another does not approve of behaviour. Punishments and learning through loss of privledges should be saved for when they can be used to the best effect for all.Not as a way for one person to get personal satisfaction, and indulge in their own anger.I am surprised that you used such a blessed event to soothe your own wounds, and make youself feel better.Issues such as hers are not going to be resloved if you do not celebrated who she could be, if you make a birthday a privledge that is based only on your perception of good behaviour.She does need much work...but obviously so do you.
January 21, 2011 3:26 AM
When I first read it, I immediately began my defensive response. I was half way through when I stopped and closed the browser. I walked away. I wondered why I put myself out there yet again. I could have just as easily kept it nice and fluffy.... and fake. A few hours later I came back to my computer to find this email. God yet again showed me why I should continue "keeping it real."
My Dearest Sister in Christ and fellow swamp sister,
I have figured out why I have such a hard time reading the negative comments you receive from your blog. I am a mom who trudges through the swampy mud of parenting a difficult child, just like you, and when someone judges you for your feelings and actions, I too feel judged. We have begun seeing a family therapist for Mary. Her anger got so out of control that she began to refuse to eat, broke the metal brackets in her mouth (braces) and began to pull out her hair. Many a times I felt like sending her to you for help. The therapist has been a wonderful for us. I prayed and prayed and God said that He sent Ms. Day to us for help. Mary self-sabotages pleasure of any kind and lashes out at me the most because she is at war with herself to receive my love, which is what she wants more than anything in the world. Ms. Day has helped me with my feelings as well. I share many of your feelings that you expressed in your blog. Anyone who questions your love, resolve and compassion is an idiot. Living with such an angry child has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Mary has a long road to retrain her brain to receive pleasure without self sabotage. We have to be constantly watching her cues for anger and help her to choose to reject the anger. It is exhausting. Mary may have to look at residential treatment for help, but for now, she is able to be home. It has been disrupting to the entire family. It is the hardest thing we are facing as a family. I feel like there are so many cracks right now that if a flood came, we would sink. But that is my feelings. I know what God has called us to and I know that He is able. I pray for your family and read your blog daily. Your blog has been used by God many times to keep my nose above water when I was drowning. Thank you. Keep up the most excellent work that you do in parenting your wonderful family.
Much love, Patty
11 inspiring thoughts:
It is so hard to put yourself out there and I think you do a fabulous job of being real.
I love reading your blog and find it very inspirational.
Sorry, I was going to post this under "all about life" and when I came back to the blog I saw this post...so I will post here I guess.
We used to have a beared dragon named Toby and just recently because my 1 yr old son kept trying to climb on top of his terarrium we "loaned" him to a friend. He too was a fussy eater and no matter what we did he wouldn't eat crickets. (We never tried pinkies though..I was the same as you and thought eww.) He LOVED eating mealworms though, if you have a pet store around they might also call them superworms. Toby loved them! WE also found that if he wasn't warm enough then he wouldn't want to eat anything. :) You've probably heard all that before but just in case...I love all the pictures of the fruit bowls too btw!
Catherine
I too enjoy reading your blog and you are very much an inspiration! Not only to me, but to hundreds of others as well, and to your children and the rest of your family!
Keep on keeping on and being real! My prayers are with you all!
Patty said it all and I agree! Thank you Patty! :)
Nina
Every child should have a birthday but there are different levels of celebrating. A child did nothing to make himself born so an overflowing of presents just for existing is not necessary. You can simply have a cake to acknowledge the day the child came into the world.
For those of us with adopted children, we weren't present that day. They came into our lives on a totally different day.
All of my children have a cake and presents but we do not often have parties. And if something is planned and the child violates all my rules, I do not feel he/she needs that reward.
I had several things planned for a child's 16th birthday recently--a surprise party and a raincheck for parasailing, the chance to get his permit. But then I found out he set up a facebook account behind my back (he has one here but has to have permission to get on it and I have the password) using a girl's phone at school, his grades dropped to c's, d's and an F, and he was taking my kindle at home and using it to post to his hidden facebook account.
So goodbye party (he doesn't even know about this one), permit and parasailing. We hadn't told him ahead about these. In exchange, he gets to keep his facebook account. I told him I had plans for him and he had deceitful plans for himself so his plans win. But I also told the school about his posting from class.
Thank you so much for blogging Christine. You really do make me feel like I am not alone. You also help put things in perspective. Your blog is a ministry in many ways.
Oh, it has always cracked me up how those kinds of preliminaries, "I don't want to be rude" or "I don't mean to intrude" mean "I am planning to be rude" or "I am going to intrude". Such an oddity about English communication.
But, you are right; in real life and blog life you will have people who agree with you and those who don't. I always tend to get defensive too. I try hard, to let go of that gut reaction, and go back and look again without emotional "protective gear" on. Sometimes I realize that the person has a point. Other times, I see that they are speaking from their own hurt. But, until I can get past the self-justification urge, I can't really "hear" the other person.
Hard, though!
I also try to realize that child rearing is not an exact science. I am darned sure that you would be very critical of some of the things I do; whereas I am occasionally not so sure about some of your choices. YET - I see your kids turning out GREAT! And, (the blessing of getting older) I can see the "proof in the pudding" when I look at my two grown-up children. There is more than one way to skin a cat, as they say.
I love you!
Please pray for Jake who needs a forever home and for those who are making those big decisions. (It's not us, but someone close.)
Don't birthdays sometimes bring out behavioral issues? It would make sense to be low-key.
I think it is easy to judge if you have never experienced it..... :) sad but true. When you do-it is a wake up call!!!
Your kids are great and no matter what anyone says, you're doing an incredible job with them. Like Annie says, the proof is in the pudding!
Please don't stop being open. It sure makes the rest of us parents feel better about our own parenting! :D
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