A Little About Her

It was at least a year and a half ago when I first heard of Galina.

Her previous family, a single Mom had emailed me looking for encouragement, support, and advice. I was impressed how determined this Mom was to try anything and everything she possibly could to have a good relationship with her daughter-- including traveling back to Russia to adopt Galina's older biological sister so that they could be together. Numerous times we had offered respite to the Mom but each time it didn't happen for one reason or another. I think just knowing that she had the support if she needed it was enough to keep her going. By December 2010 however, nearly six years later, it was clear that Galina and her family needed respite and this time it was for real.

It is sad that the timing happened to be around Christmas but holidays can be incredibly hard for struggling adoptive families exacerbating issues into full blown crises and this was the case with Galina. When she gave her mother her Christmas wish list with "A New Family" listed 10 times and nothing else, her mother knew it was time for a break. After much consideration we agreed to take Galina for a month or two-- neither of us planning on her staying forever but rather just a nice, long respite. But over that time as Galina began to thrive in our home, it was apparent to the Mom that her coming home was not in Galina's best interest. Hard as it was, Galina agreed though still in shock over everything. I have no doubt that Galina did a lot of damage in her previous family, I just don't think she realized the ramifications of her actions or how she might actually get what she wished for. Still... John and I wanted to give Galina's Mom some time to be sure about her decision-- while we decided what we would do ourselves. Should we adopt Galina? How would we feel if we were her and we had to make yet another move to another family? She would be the oldest child yet at the time of adoption and it would take till she is 18 years old before we could say that she has been with our family longer than her previous family. With all that we knew about her we wondered if we would still be able to reach her heart. We prayed.

Then something happened. And God showed us.

One evening while eating dinner I noticed that the word cumulonimbus (a type of cloud formation) that was discussed earlier during home school had been rewritten twice by two different kids-- both spelled wrong with a "t" on the end instead of an s. Thinking maybe someone thought that adding a "t" on the end to make it "cumulonimbut" was humorous, I asked who wrote them. Anna immediately said she wrote one of them-- but every single other kid (except Caleb who was at practice) said they didn't write the other one. Knowing our children's handwriting, John and I knew it was Galina. Not that the offense was any big deal by any means but we tried left and right to get one of the kids to admit it and yet no one would fess up. It was ridiculous. We even said that no one would get in trouble for writing it- that we just wanted to know who wrote it and it was very foolish to turn an innocent act into a huge deal by lying about it, but still no one came clean. As a result everyone was sent to bed early to set the example that lying hurts everyone in the family. With much moaning and groaning by the other kids we hoped that she would feel convicted and end this charade. Once everyone was in bed, I went to Galina and told her that Mr. Reed and I knew that it was her without a doubt. I explained how I am sure she thought she was going to get in trouble so she instinctively lied to protect herself. I told her that even though she lied she could redeem herself and come out stronger on the other side by being quick to confess. I finished saying that even though we knew it was her, it was not enough for the rest of the kids to get up-- she would have to trust us enough that we would forgive her that she lied and she had to care about herself enough to stop carrying around the ugly burden of the lie. Even though we knew it was her, everyone would need to remain in bed until she admitted it-- plain and simple. And then she would have to go to each of the kids and Mr. Reed and apologize and ask for forgiveness. I secretly prayed that she would break and my prayer was answered-- immediately. She confessed and broke down crying-- hard. It was a a giant step for her.

And as she went around apologizing I realized that-- God had showed us.

The next day after we told all the kids-- we went out and celebrated-- Roller skating and then dinner!

To even my surprise, John had told the waitress why we were celebrating and she brought Galina out a sundae. She even shared.

This is our very first picture together.

Same with the two of them.

When we told Galina the news we talked about her transitioning to calling us Mom and Dad. She nodded like she understood but it was obvious by the end of the second day that she was not addressing us as Mr. and Mrs. Reed or Mom and Dad. I knew how awkward she must have felt-- heck, I felt it too. So I pulled her aside and told her my observation and put out a challenge to her. Not only did I tell her I would be secretly praying for God to lay it on her heart to start referring to us as Mom and Dad but I encouraged her to deliberately call me Mom at least two times before she went to bed that night like for example, "Thanks for dinner... Mom." I promised her that it would be so much easier after that initial time and you know what-- she rose to the challenge.

Since Galina was staying for good, we did some rearranging of bedrooms, dressers, and had some of the girls change rooms.

Rachel appealed to us to reconsider who she would share a room with and after hearing her reasons, John and I allowed the change. Now all the girls are content.

Galina has transitioned into our family rather smoothly, although I yearn for her to open up more. A part of me is waiting for the honeymoon period to be over-- yet I see her really trying. For example, at lunch a bunch of the girls wanted milk and a while after I found a full glass sitting on the table. As I scolded the guilty party for not drinking it and then putting the glass in the sink, I noticed out of the corner of my eye Galina grabbing her glass off the other table and setting it in the sink. If only all my kids learned this quick.

At first I wondered how the girls would get along, but I have seen all of them accept Galina with open arms-- which I am very proud of. I am proud of Galina accepting them too.

Now that Galina has joined our family, Anastasia is no longer our youngest daughter.

I was pleasantly surprised when I found this picture on my camera-- Julia took it. I think it is beautiful.

Right before I sat down to finish up this post, I snapped this picture of Galina doing her schoolwork. Both her and Anna had put off doing their free choice reading and journaling all week so I insisted that they do it now. One of them tried to argue about it-- and it wasn't Galina.

As I close, I ask that you keep Galina's previous family in your prayers as well as ours.

Because our gain is someone else's loss.