And let's not forget Sveta and Rachel who are thirteen and fourteen.
Rarely do we we get a decent picture on the first take. There are always a few caught off guard. :)
I love these girls with all my heart though they are driving me insane at the moment. I think of each of them as mature, responsible, young women so when they do childish things it drives me nuts. I realize that I have to just chill, but honestly I do not know how to do that. I think it means that I should pick my battles-- but which ones? Is it too much to expect the girls to bring up their dirty laundry each morning so I could wash it while they are at school? Or should I let it pile up or better yet make them do their own laundry? It is not possible for each one to do mini-loads of their own clothing and forget them working together to get it done if they can't even work together and take turns bringing up the laundry so what is a Mom to do?
This is the most current issue as of this morning going on and I feel that I did not handle it well. I made them bag up the dirty clothes that sat for three days even after me yelling a reminder every evening for them to bring up their dirty laundry. So now they cannot wear those clothes since they are not being washed until we move. I also told them they have to wear the same clothes again since they obviously don't mind dirty clothes sitting around.
If you were me, what would you do? I am open to suggestions because I do not feel that my way is working with them. I want to learn to be a better Mom and if I expect them to change, I need to be the example by being willing to change myself.
48 inspiring thoughts:
Could you assign days.... Sat-Fri? You have enough girls :) They are in charge of gathering and doing a load on their day of all of the girls clothes? If it is not in the hamper it doesn't get washed?
I'm going to say, it's time for them to do their own laundry! I think it's important for kids to feel like they contribute. I think it makes them feel grown up and it fosters a sense of "we are all responsible for each other." If maturity and a sense of responsibility for others is something you want to foster in them, then allowing them to do some of these chores for themselves might be a good thing.
Of course, only you know what is right for your family. But you have one vote in favor of letting them take on some of these responsibilities for themselves.
Skaduce, I forgot to add that the kids already help fold laundry and put it away with the girls doing the majority.
I only have TWO boys but when we left for the Ukraine and left those two boys by themselves - they had to do their laundry. Before we left I bought each of them one of those net laundry bags from Walmart. It is about the size of a laundry load and is the full extent of their clothes. When it is completely full- they are in desperate shape. They learned to do their own laundry. They still do their own laundry. If they run out... tough luck. It has worked. The biggest issue is to get them to PUT THEIR CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDRY BAG.
Anyway - worked for us. I don't have a million kids though so GOOD LUCK!! LOL!! Have fun moving this weekend...
I have assigned times with the machine for all children older than 10. They do their own laundry. My older boys have an arrangement with each other that they do all the laundry on their day, half their own, half the borther's. The girls can't agree so they are on their own. If they miss their time/day, they are out of luck until Sunday afternoon, when there are make ups. This is a hard issue, and a struggle. There has never been a week that everyone did what they were supposed to on the schedule. That includes me. I have 2 older boys, 2 older girls, and then 2 little boys that I still do the wash for.
Sue
I told my one son (15) with the problem that from now on if I saw his clean clothes sitting in piles under the bed, on the dresser, in the dirty clothes hamper, etc. in his room that I would pick them up and take them away. And if I saw his dirty clothes anywhere other than his hamper, I would also take them away. If he ended up with no clothes and had to go to school in his underwear, it was not my problem. Unfortunately, my husband stepped in and said that was unacceptable...
If you solve the problem, do share. Please!!
With the situation being as it as, with the move. They should have been more on top of what was going on and obeyed and helped you more at this special time. They would either wear the dirty clothes or wash the ones they wanted to wear by hand. If clothes were not brought to laundry area after the move on a nightly basis, because these girls are probably having monthly underwear, that is almost impossible to clean after sitting overnight much less days, I would select a form of punishment and let it be known. I raised girls and when rules were constantly disregarded and then they acted obilivous to the consequences, I typed the rules and consequences and made each girl sign that they were aware of what was going on. You are talking about young adults here not toddlers or children.a grandmother from georgia p.s. my momma would have gotten the hickory and torn my behind up and we had wringer type washers and had to heat the water.
Oh, this is a BIG sore spot in our house. Usually with the girls only (and they aren't even teens yet). When they try on a million outfits trying to "get it right" all those clothes go on the floor along with all the dirty ones that are there--- mind you, the whole room was clean the night before so they could eat. Then when they clean their room ALL of those cltohes on the floor go into the laundry. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!! "I KNOW you haven't worn that why is it in the laundry?" "I don't know?!"
It doesn't matter how many times they have to sort through the laundry they still do that every day. And short of me just standing over them I'm out of ideas. So no great revelation here, just A LOT of empathy, but if you get any good ideas pass them my way.
My kids are too little for this still, but when I worked in a girls home, they all had an assigned laundry day. On that day they brought down all their clothes to be washed and then they folded them and put them away. It's worked out nicely, and if they missed their day....well the next one would come around again. I hope you find a solution that works for your family. :)
Each of our kids does their own laundry... to a point. ALL the teens do their own laundry. period. The younger kids are made to bring it down. They don't bring it down to be washed, they can be smelly. Trust me, that won't last long, especially w/ girls. LOL. I do have to remind them and if they don't, they know they'll go to the 7-7-7 rule & even further down if not done. (7 shirts, 7 pants, etc.) Rest of it gets given away. No exceptions. They pick out their items and rest is donated. So far, this has worked & kept the clothes off the floor. All of mine, every age put their own laundry away & fold their own laundry. Right now, my issue is chores. URGHH!!! Coming up w/ a plan this weekend. Good luck w/ the laundry. Trust me, you're not alone. Shoot, last week my son went to school in his bathing suit unbeknownst to me. Good luck on the move.
Well, my mother gave up chasing me for it at that age. If it's in the laundry basket, it'll get washed. If it isn't, it won't. You don't have any clean clothes? Oh dear, wear the dirty ones then. Oh, and here's how the machine works, and if you use it, make sure there's a full load in it.
I agree, it's time for them to do their own laundry. I would ask the girls to all sit down with you and you can all come up with a system together that works. Sometimes if you give kids that age a say in the system, it works better because no one feels like they are being forced to do something. They're just working the plan they had a part in creating.
When I was about 11 my Mom showed me the washer and drier, showed me how do measure the soap, etc. and announced that if I wanted clean clothes, I would need to start doing my own laundry. It was slow going, but eventually I realized that I had to do the work to get the "luxury" of clean clothes.
I agree they should be doing their own laundry and possibly to contribute to the family they could do one younger siblings laundry. BTW - the older boys also need to be doing their own laundry. Maybe when you are in the new house you could assign two people per day. This is life skills 101 and they will all need it someday.
Hmm....
Make sure each has at least 14 complete outfits. Designate 1 day of the week for girls' laundry (and an other day of the week for boys' laundry - that way, you could sneak some "other" laundry in if you wanted). Wash only what is brought down by the designated day - not that they can't bring it down earlier. You be the washer woman so you can still have control over the process - you wash, you dry. If you want, you can fold and put away. I have my kids fold and put their own clothes away, but I only have four. I sometimes go up and check; if the clothes aren't put away, I take them back down to the laundry room - if they are put away badly, I have them do it over while I give annoying directions. The reason for the 14 outfits is if they miss laundry day, they have to wait a whole week before they can have anything washed. With your bunch, it might also be good to give them individual laundry baskets. The foldup-mesh laundry baskets would be convenient. Also, they would only have to be responsible for their own clothes. Bath towels, however, are a whole different matter. Tackle the clothes first; they should be most of the battle. Posting reminder signs removes some of the opportunity to argue. Give them 24 hour, 8 (9 or 10) hour and 1ish hour notice. "Laundry day is tomorrow everybody. ... Laundry day is today." Your youngest two, if they can't bring down their own laundry, you can do it for them, no biggie, but they can help with the laundry. They can learn about sorting colors, temperature settings, measuring cupsfull. Whatever you decide, be consistent and never let them see you sweat. "What? Your favorite outfit's not clean? How did that happen?" Then, stare and wait for the explanation. If they don't give you a good explanation - "Nope, that's not why," then go back to reading your romance novel and eating chocolates.
All my kids boys and girls at age 10 on do their own laundry from start to finish. I had to get over the fact that at times they might not do a full load, but that was the least of my problems.
I also do this for packing on trips as I don't want to be blamed for forgetting something that they should have packed.
Are you serious! I just wrote this awesome plan and the computer at it!
When I was 14 my mom cut me off of laundry support. I had to do all my own clothing and towels. Worked great. I was gifted 3 sets of towels for my birthday, laundry detergent and fabric softener sheets. I did every stitch of my laundry till I got married. No my husband does the majority of it - but because he really enjoys it...
What about trying a hamper in each of their rooms and then giving each girl a couple of days a week where it is her job to collect the clothes from the hamper & bring them to the laundry room?
I would have a rotating schedule where they each take turns doing laundry, or maybe doing it in pairs, whatever works best.
Make them responsible. If the clothes are not in the basket/hamper by laundry time, they don't get done until next time. In the meantime, if their clothes start to smell, they could always wash them out by hand.
Wow. I am so glad I am not there yet!
You need a laundry shoot in your new house!
I raised girls and really - sometimes you wonder where their mind is! I had a rule - if it wasn't in the wash it didn't get washed. Plain and simple. When my oldest one was about 15, she started piling the clean clothes on her floor along with the dirty ones, and somehow she knew which one was which.....smell maybe...so I told her from now on she was going to do her own laundry. One night I was lying in bed at about 9.30 pm and I heard the washing machine filling, so I marched down stairs to let her know this was too late to start laundry. Of course she had a fit as "I have nothing to wear". Too bad, so sad, but laundry is not being done at this time of night. I felt like a meanie, but honestly if I hadn't put a stop to it there and then who knows what was next, right? This particular child liked to head butt, but she learned I meant it. I would just let them know if the clothes are not in the wash they are not getting washed. Plain and simple - no yelling, that's just the way it is. Believe me they will learn, some quicker than others, but after having to wear something not laundered a couple of times they will do it, and if not..............not your problem. 12 is old enough. You have much more to worry about. Christine - I hope the move goes smoothly for you all. I will be thinking about you. Try not to stress too much. Just keep in your mind that in 3 months all of this will be a far off memory :-)
Marilyn in Canada
Here's my perspective: ALL children in your household aged 12 or over are old enough to be doing their own laundry.
Start a roster or whatever would work for your family when you move to the new house and not now when EVERYONE Is stressed.
Remember that girls of 12 and 13 are not mature, teenagers' brains are not full formed and impulsive (childish) behaviour is normal!
Good luck with your move and in setting up new routines that will benefit all your family - its an ideal time for a new start.
I didn't read through the comments, so I don't know if it was suggested, but when we have foster kids laundry can be a lot, so we got in the habit of putting a basket in each room. They toss the clothes in the basket (strategically placed by the bedroom door and upon leaving in the morning they have to place the basket out of the room. I then go around with my own basket and grab all the clothes to wash.
I would assign laundry days and have them do the laundry themselves. You would be responsible for towels and wash cloths, and little guy clothes and your perosnal clothes and John's clothes.
I would assign the boys 2 laundry days and the girls 2 laundry days.
That gives you 3 laundry days. Between 5 girls, somebody will remember! :)
Write in on a chart and put it on the bathroom door or bedroom door.
They are to sort, wash, dry, fold and put away.
If it doesn't get done..... they have to wait until their day.
If they turn whites pink, they wear pink.
They will learn very quickly a good schedule and most likely learn to enjoy the parts of laundry duty they like. One might enjoy folding, one might enjoy putting away, one might enjoy separating.....
You can have a "laundry 101 class" when you move, and then, lay down the "law". :)
I would say that 12 is just barely there for laundry duty, so you should expect some supervision/ consequences. Otherwise, it will pile up and they will learn to wear rumpled, filthy clothes and you will be embarrassed in future. The key is to view it as a learning curve and be disappointed but not angry when all is not done well. Leaving it dirty is not a good consequence, but doing additional chores or losing privileges works for about everything, so long as the consequence is known in advance and calmly enforced. I know, the calm part is the hard part and I mess that up too, some! As one book put it, an angry mom can be a natural consequence, just not one you want to rely on. :)
Sherry
I take away any clothes that are not valued, i.e. left lying on the floor,etc. They go into timeout and each piece or outfit has to be earned with an extra chore. Same with any clothes I have to wash on my own with no help from the kids. They go into my closet, which is the timeout, and each has to be earned back. I get a lot of chores done this way. So every night before bed when they have to lay out their clothes for tomorrow, if they want clean clothes or something specific from my closet, they have to do a chore.
I totally yell and nag also, so don't worry we've all been there, but try to remind myself that it doesn't work. These strategic moves and surprises work better, esp. when you act as if you could care less its up to them, like just taking the clothes away and letting them learn from natural consequences. Your bagging idea is good too!
Lots of great ideas here.
Have you thought about doing what some people suggested with toys. Take it off them if they leave it on the floor and fine them for each piece they leave on the floor.
I'd be inclined to encourage responsibility. Do they each have enough clothes to get through a whole week - if so give them a day a week each that they do their own load of washing. If they don't wash it, they'll have to wear it dirty - not your problem at that point.
You could pick up each piece of clothing that is left on the floor and 'quarantine' those clothes - just wash that collection of clothing once a fortnight. That'd keep them on their toes I'm sure.
I would absolutely have them do their own laundry. I really thought that it was just easier for me to do it all than let the kids do theirs. Once I got the older ones doing laundry I wished I had done it so much sooner! I gave everyone a lesson in how to run the washer and dryer and then said "stay on top of your laundry or go naked". It took about a month for them to realize that I would not bail them out if they ran out of clean clothes. I don't tell them when to wash just that they have to wash a full load, if they don't have enough then they add dirty towels to their load. Brilliant isn't it. Now I do mine, my husbands and the three youngest kids and I don't even think about the older kids clothes. It really cut down on my work load. I wonder if my five year old could reach the dials...hmmmm:)
I only have six kids, but it still was a lot of laundry when I did it for the whole family.
There was ONE very strict rule. If it wasn't in the laundry room, it didn't get washed. I would remind the kids, but I totally left it THEIR responsibility to get it in the laundry room or hamper. It did not take too long for them to believe me that I WOULD not go into each room to get the laundry.
I also don't put their laundry away unless they are young. It is folded immediately and put in their own laundry basket. If it got too full, I might tip it neatly out on their bed, but they still had to put it away.
When the older kids began doing their own laundry, we began assigning days, but I get Monday and Friday.
http://hometeachedmommamindy.blogspot.com/search/label/organizing%20a%20laundry%20room
You are not being a bad mom if you make them live with the consequence of not putting their dirty clothes in the laundry room. Don't let your momma-guilt-complex keep you from backing up a very reasonable rule. It won't take long for them to figure out you aren't budging, and the dirty clothes will be where you want them.
Hope the move goes well!
If you're willing to wage to war of "MOM! XXXX's clothes are STILL in the washer" then it's time to let them do their own laundry. We have our girls put their dirty clothes in the laundry area every night after changing into their PJ's. If I notice clothes on the bathroom floor after they are in bed, or close to but not IN the laundry area, I get them out of bed and have it done then. 95% of the time they just do it now w/o being told. It has made a huge difference. I like the idea of teaching "don't put off until tomorrow what can be done today" as well. Good luck figuring out what works for you and please share when you do!!
okay my 2 cents...
laundry services cost money and even then you have to bag and bring your clothes in, and pick them up again. Services such as pickup (ie off the floor), folding, hanging putting away would all cost extra.
Those(age appropriate)who would like to take advantage of the "free" do it yourelf laundry mat mom and dad supply could do so unpromted, on the days/times mom specifies. After the laundry mat closes for the week, and Mom finds her house full of dirty clothing overflowing every where then she would employ her premium high priced laundry services. She can then be "paid" by the ones who choose to use the laundy service this week. It could be cash allowence or it could be extra chore that could help you. The little ones can also particapate although they might not do their own wash they can get it in the hamper!
What lovely daughters you have!
My son has just turned 14 (last week) and over the past year has become responsible (perhaps slightly too strong a word) for his own laundry. If he decides to do a load of without socks in it, well then he just doesn't have socks. I think the experience of running out of clean clothes is a fine way to encourage responsible action and it saves your vocal cords. The response to "Moooom, I don't have any ______" is "Oh dear, that's a bit of a challenge." The one thing that absolutely doesn't work is nagging (done it and lots). Your approach sounds quite reasonable. Remember, though, that boys need to know how to do laundry too.
LOVE the comments and suggestions! Why not have a laundry bag which hangs on the door of each room. Week about each girl takes a turn at a) bringing ALL laundry bags to the laundry
b) sorting washing into coloureds, whites, dark, etc
c)filling and emptying washing machine
d)folding and returning washing to rooms.
These tasks can be done on a daily/weekly basis.
The sooner that family members (ALL family members) realise that being part of a family involves responsibility, the happier everyone (including MUM) will be.
If a child does not fulfil their duties, then they forfeit something that they enjoy doing for that week. Good luck! It's not easy ...
You must have so much hormones flowing your house at times it could be scary!!
I only have 1 daughter, who is 7, and is by far my messiest child. She also leaves her clothes everywhere. My 5 year old does this as well.
I have tried letting it lay until they put it in the dirty laundry. I have told them it won't be washed until it is. They really don't care!
So I must say good luck to you and I hope you figure out something that works.
I hope the move is going smoothly.
Christine,
This what we do in our house. I make a list of chores to do throughout the week. We sit down at the table and each of the kids (now I only have 4, so it is easier!), but each of the kids choose a chore (or in our case 3-4). I also allow them to pick a day. this way they have taken on a little responsibility to choose what day works for them and what they want to do. Then I make a chart and it has to get done. Punishment is a whole other story!
Hope you find some advice. You got 36 responses!!! That is great!
We have laundry shoots and I LOVE them. Each bathroom has one and the we just toss the clothes down the shoot...by the wash machine, ready to be washed.
When we bought our house, I thought "what are these things? and will we even use them?" I am so glad that whoever put these in, did.
I commented earlier about kids being responsible for their own laundry. Mine are grown now and my daughter (the clothes collector) has taken it a step further in her own apartment. She has three laundry bags - one for whites/colors, one for denim/blue and one for black. When they are full she shows up at our house and does laundry. She provides her own detergent, etc and takes us out to eat to pay for the water. Granted she does six or more loads at a time and takes all weekend to do it all but she also has enough clothes to go three months without doing laundry. I'm so glad she and her brother learned to do laundry long ago. He also does his own and does not bring a ton home from college expecting me to do. Some of yours are not that far from college age!
I can't fathom how people manage to have their kids do their own laundry. Occasionally mine have, on their own, decided to to that and as a result I've had to ban them. A couple have put dirty clothes in with clean ones to "de-wrinkle" them in the dryer; there was the child who didn't chec pockets and did a load with gm in the pockets; someone threw their red shirt in with a white load. Someone got "helpful" and threw some of my clothes in with his - those wool items waiing to go to the dry cleaners. Then there is the dismay I experienced going to the laundry room to do a load in my limited time, only to find that someone had a load going - with just a couple of their own items in there....on "long wash". So, "You are NOT allowed in that laundry room! Get out of there!" is more my refrain.
Your reaction sounded like something I'd try - but remember that post about my sticking a bunch of Aidan's confiscated clothes in a bag and hiding them, only to find them ten years later?
Two word: Family Closet!
Christine,
My mom did all our laundry all the way through high school, and it was a shock and a steep learning curve for me to figure out how to do laundry when I went to college. Plus, I can't believe it, but when I was young I though a towel was dirty after one use. I can't imagine the mountains of unnecessary towel washing my mom did, and all because I never did the laundry, so what did I care? I like the idea of the girls doing their own laundry, but I hope they don't leave things in their pockets!
Julie in OK
I have two words for you, my friend.
LAUNDRY CHUTE
Everyone is responsible for putting their own clothes in the chute. Any clothes left in rooms is taken away and must be earned by through extra chores.
So many good ideas. Wow-- I have so much to think about. I do wish we had a laundry shoot-- that would be awesome! Roomate dynamics are about to change as we think about dividing the girls to two to a room-- and with the laundry on the same floor I think it will make things alot easier.
Oh how silly I am! I spelled chute-- shoot! LOL! :)
ok im new too this blog but i do have a little experience with girls of that age and very close too me and my two sisters are each 14 months apart ! sooo what my mom did when we ran into the same issue was that she let us pick out one of thoes POP UP hamper sets that u can get @ target in each a differnt print/ color and when we fillled that up we had to do it ourselves wash dry and put away all in the same day !!! by now were 20 19 &18 and off at college or communting from home and we let it all pile up for a week or two ( thats me) and then we get around to it on the weekend. oh i almostt forgot too make us do it she just let it go by saying that she was not going to do our laundry and more and just left it like that and when we came crying to here becuz we didnt have any more clothes to wear she told us its our fault we didnt do it ! that took us all about 2 months to stop running our own laundry down to finally figure it out ! she still is all ways there to help us with the stains of beaing a woman and others and advice on what to do... but if she had not shown the tough love I personally would of never learned to do laundry ! BY THE WAY THIS ISNT A BAD IDEA FOR THE OLDER BOYS TOO! u might have to give each kid a day for laundry tho
I haven't read the other comments, and we only have 7 children. But 10yo and up do their own laundry on a particular day of the week. They should have enough clothes to last them a week and should have a full load by then.
The guidelines are: 1. a. You keep all your own laundry in your own hamper in your room until washday, and b. whatever you don't fit into the load goes back to your room (not left in laundry area, as ours is in a tight area.) 2. You have priority on your day. If you miss your day, you work around the person whose day it is (ask them.)
You have so many in that age group they would probably have to share days.
Sorry if this is repititious! All the best in your solution-finding.
I've had the same feelings as you recently and have chosen to pick far too many battles with my 14 year old. (She's my oldest, so I'm new to this.) It's not pretty and I've not been pretty in response to my daughter either. I had to change my heart before hers could change.
What struck me in your post was this sentence - "I think of each of them as mature, responsible, young women so when they do childish things it drives me nuts."
I felt the EXACT same way! It took my dear husband saying to me, "She is still a child, she still needs parenting and she still needs you even if she says she doesn't". He reminded me to think of her as a 3 year old in a bigger body because many of the battles are similar to those of a three year old (independence) just with different topics. He was right! She still does need a parent, she isn't a grown up and she still will do childish things!
I'm realizing as the days go by that he's right! She wants to be treated like an adult but she can't remember to put away her laundry, wear her headgear, do the dishes without complaining, etc. I was getting mad and take too much ownership of her lack of responsibility. Her consequences were my anger and frustration but not much more!
She still needs a parent and I needed to change my pattern of getting angry when she doesn't follow through. My husband suggested we have system similar to what we do with our little kids. If they're disobeient, etc. they move a quarter of their allowance money from a their jar to my jar. At the end of the week they get paid the amount left in their jar. We have made our teenagers "quarter" equal losing her cell phone for 1 hour as that is her currency lately! It has helped along with my change of heart.
I just read recently that if we as parents are yelling it's usually because we don't have a plan and that was the case with me! Hope that helps and God bless you with 6girls all in the 12-14 range!
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