This little boy is such a joy. Many times I fail to see it though. He has taught me so much and in the process I have become resistant to the changes. Go back to the beginning. When I first met him I only saw his smile and felt the burden to make sure he was taken care of no matter what. I didn't realize all the challenges of raising him until he was home. Now that he is my son and I have gotten to know him-- really know him-- those challenges are even greater than I first thought. He not only has physical challenges but I also think that he is cognitively delayed. This has been hard for me to accept because it has changed things significantly.
I realize that I have so much more to learn. I see that I lack the compassion that my son deserves. I know that I constantly expect so much of him that I may be robbing him of his fun childhood. Now granted I am stretching things-- but this sits so heavy on my heart that I cannot take it lightly. Like I said-- I have so much to learn.
And that is why I am resistant to the change. Learning new things is hard. Change is hard. I proudly thought that adopting Alex showed that I had more than enough compassion-- and God has humbly reminded me that I still have so far to go. And that is hard for me.
Thankfully I feel God is looking out for me and is always one step ahead of the game. He sees where I fall short and he opens doors that I need to trust and just walk through. Homeschooling is the door I am talking about. Though I was so hesitant before-- I am so ready to begin this new journey with my son. I am so ready for him to get out of all day kindergarten and replace the time with playing with Dennis. I am so ready for him to stop the rat race of keeping up with his peers and begin excelling at his own pace. I am ready to be a part of his triumphs and allow God to work in my life through my son.
Oh sweet Alex, I want to be the mother to you that you deserve-- just be patient-- please.
Paul is my newest son. He too has taught me so much. I was nervous when we agreed to adopt him because he was after all, an almost ten year old boy. I assumed so much about him-- and again I was so terribly wrong. I pictured a hardened, rough boy and instead I got a boy with a sweet and gentle spirit. He is very much a follower, he is incredibly artistic, and he loves to wear shirts with big elephants on them. He does hit when another child has wronged him, but he is not aggressive by nature. He struggles with schoolwork, but he is smart enough to use his bracelets on his wrists to do his addition problems. Things are coming very slow with him and I realize that I just have to say-- that is okay. Because it is. It is okay that he is not at grade level. It is okay that it takes him longer to do his homework than the other kids. It is okay that his pace of learning is slower than other kids his age. It is okay. He has just been home nearly four months and he is adjusting beautifully. I have to remind myself that that is more important than schoolwork right now. See-- I have so much to remember, so much to learn-- I am still a work in progress myself.
Jonathan is at an age where Alex and Dennis are a little too young to play with socially and his older brothers are a little too mature for him. I see this dilemma and it makes my heart feel the pangs of childhood growing up. I love Jonny and his goofy attempts to fit in but it often results in Jonny either upsetting the little boys for being too rough or doing inappropriate things to try and impress his older brothers.
Take this tote bag. Jonny began drawing on his tote bag this morning and soon his brothers were drawing on theirs. Andrew's robot was getting more attention and so Jonathan quickly thought to add a penis to his robot-- which in turn-- got alot of attention. Seemed like a good idea to a seven year old.
It was brought to my attention as the kids were walking out to the bus and when Jonny quietly admitted that it was indeed a penis that he drew on his robot, I didn't feel it was appropriate for me to come down too hard. I simply asked him if he wanted to carry around this tote for everyone to see and I told him that I thought it should be thrown away. He said he never planned to use the tote bag and so problem solved.
Still, I wonder what kind of Mom I am if my seven year old son is drawing robots with extra body parts. One would think he would know better. I wonder if the sons of other good Moms ever draw extra body parts on their robots.
P.S. The move is being moved out to Wednesday. So Wednesday is the big day. I hope.
P.S. The move is being moved out to Wednesday. So Wednesday is the big day. I hope.
19 inspiring thoughts:
FYI, Ben my 7 year old thinks its very funny to draw body parts on everything he draws! His reasoning..."well how else would we know if it was a boy or girl"
Aren't boys so interesting to raise??? I think you totally handled the penis drawing correctly. Trust me most boys do this. He just want attention and potty humor really gets boys going. I think you handled it great! It definately did not need a big deal made over it. You are such a thoughtful mother and I think you are doing a fantastic job. We must always question how we can do better but we must always know that we are right where God needs us and that we need to focus on the good and the precious little things in life as well!
I think your boys are being very normal boys! I think that this age is very focused on body parts--truth be told, I think boys think of that much much more than girls do. . .I don't think you have anything to worry about, especially since he fessed up! God bless you and your children. May your days of stress and turmoil be truly numbered and days of joy filled family time be close at hand.
Yep, penis drawings are normal, even on robots. But you are right that he may not want to show his robot's parts off in public. LOL
I love boys! I loved raising my boys. Some things about them are so simple and pure.
About Alex..... I don't know Alex, obviously, but I did have a son who was Significantly delayed both physically and intellectually.
(which is why we started home schooling)
I'm so glad I didn't believe everything they told me about him. I'm so glad HE didn't believe it, after getting permission not to.
You might be interested to know, that MANY MANY boys, do not learn to read until after the age of 10.
I have 2 that were not real "readers" until 11. I have a friend who has raised 5 boys. The majority of her boys read at 9. Her girls at 5. go figure.
Our son was considered to have an IQ of 68. He was retarded. (this is the one who teaches high school)
I totally get when you say, it is hard. IT IS HARD. But God gives you the grace to make it through the day. The comforting part is, you know it is FOR SURE HIM and not you. :)
I LOVE LOVE LOVE what you wrote about Alex!! That truly should be how we all parent ALL of our children. Keep up the good work "mom". Life is such a journey... :)
Jodi
Christine,
I think are are doing a great job of being a mother just by the fact that you are thinking about how to mother rather than just going with the flow! I hope you enjoy homeschooling. I wish I had been homeschooled, as I got teased a lot.
And about Paul, I don't think I would be on grade level if I had to do homework in Russian suddenly, and I have a PhD! There is MUCH more to life than school work.
Julie in OK
Awe, boys! I think you do a great job raising so many boys! Alex looks so insanely sweet!
Wow-your thoughts and feelings with adopting Alex and coming to terms with cognitive delay, reflect my experience with Maya. I am definitely still working on being the mother for her that I want to be. Thankfully, she is very affectionate and forgiving.
You have such a beautiful family!! :) There are 7 kids in my family and I know how that is, but I can't imagine having 13 brothers and sisters!! You are so blessed. :)
Oh, that means you are moving now, and it might be forever before you read this note. A penis on a robot, huh? Well, I think girls feel differently about penises than boys do. Boys know where they are and what they are and, most likely, that they are supposed to be private AND especially that it is embarrassing to talk to your mom about...them. Anyway, I think you are exactly right in assuming that an extra robot part would get his robot noticed. I also think this would be an awesome thing to keep and tell him when he graduates that you will display it with other memorabilia from his childhood. I and my son, we've had one discussion about "that part" very soon after arriving in the States. He is afraid to be alone, the shower not withstanding. Since he is originally from Eastern Europe, which does not commonly follow the praqctice of augmenting infants or the Jewish custom of Bris Milah, the doctor suggested I teach him about washing all his body parts. ... Um, no. He would have none of that. Since, we speak of it in euphemistic terms. "Did your wash your [point point]?" Or, I whisper the official word in private with him. I just thought yours was a funny story and thought I'd share one of mine.
In any case and on another topic, I feel if you recognize that you need to show more love or be more attentive, that is a good thing. When you don't recognize it, then there is a problem. It sounds to me like you make a lot of quality time for your children.
YOu are a great Mom...All of us I think have to step back sometimes and realize "how far we have come"....I know I have to alot with my 3 yr old....Cuz despite any issues we have now, we have come a longgg way from even 6 mos ago!
OH extra body parts? Normal! : )
Oh, Christine! Raising boys is so much different than raising girls and I think it can be difficult for moms to understand, but I think you are doing a good job. Those "body parts" are meant to be kept private and yet not to be embarrassed about. (My grandmother was horrified when my father drew a male goat. When he was older he said he was just drawing what he saw...)
I have loved having boys and much more than I ever dreamed I would. They are wonderful even if they can't memorize math facts, even if they do tease unmercifully, even if they do turn PBJ sandwiches into weapons, and even if they do live dangerously. I wouldn't trade mine for the world.
Christine, I've been enjoying reading your blog for a while.
As for Jonny, well, he's a 7 year old boy and they are all about the body parts. If you are out at a big store or mall, take a look around and see who is standing there with a hand down their pants--chances are it's a boy between 6 and 8 and he's not even aware of it. This too shall pass (it's kind of funny in the meantime).
As for Alex, you might want to get some assessment done if it hasn't already happened. Kids with SB often have troubles with fine motor skills and non-verbal learning disabilities. NLD makes spatial things hard to learn (puzzles, math) and causes issues with social skills because most social interactions are based on observation of non-verbal cues.
I'm trying to do the same thing as you are, that is, to meet my son (just 14, adopted 7.5) where he is rather than where I'd like him to be. It's hard to know when to push and when to lay back a little.
Wow-what an honest post! And such great feedback!
We to are dealing with delays in our treasure--probably due to malnutition inutero and till 3 when she came home.
After homeschooling for 16 years I am on a new journey! Like you wanting the best for my child and also being content with who God made them to be.
We have learned and cried together, I have cried for her stuggles that only for a bit of food might not have been. I have cried for my inadequeses as a teacher. I have cried for my impatience. We have sought forgiveness together and new paths.
It is a difficult journey--but one worth the effort to watch them unfold to become the person they are meant to be.
God bless you on this amazing journey!
Donna
Yes, good kids with good moms draw private parts on robots and what have you! not to mention drawing ON their body parts, but that's a story for another time. Don't fret.
I really don't think this makes you a bad mom . . . I think boys naturally gravitate to these things! sounds like you handled it just fine and had him think about his actions.
Hi! I love going to the pumpkin farm with my children We use the pumpkin farm as a part of a unit study project for our homeschooling.We live in a part of PA that has many farms.We are very blessed to live in this part of PA my children get to see many different kinds and sizes of pumpkins.Have a happy homeschooling day, Pat
A lot of experts suggest that adopted children need to be given a couple of years' leeway in age-appropriate expectations. I have really found this to be true. Even Ilya, when he arrived here at almost 13, fit in PERFECTLY with the fourth graders. On one hand, they'd never cared for themselves or foraged for food, or tried to get an alcoholic mother to stop drinking....so he was mature in some ways. But, he'd never had so many of the experiences they'd had - vacations, picnics, trips to museums, lessons, teams, birthday parties....and he was small. We've "upped" him a grade, but he's still in a much younger group, but he still fits in very well. He had a lot to process when he got here, and a lot of childhood to make up for.
We DIDN'T hold Zhen back. I figured he was 5; he could go to kindergarten; he'd learned English so easily - but it was a catastrophe. He had three bad years at school because he hadn't gotten the basics back in kindergarten. He still struggles because we rushed him. I am very, very sorry about it.
Christine
Let me encourage you! Just be and do your best and God will take care of the rest! You are trying too hard to get it all right and that is not your job. Awareness is key, and you are making the changes when you feel convicted. I think you handled Johnny beautifully! You have 14 wonderful children each with their own unique strengths and challenges. Enjoy the journey, stop being so hard on yourself! :)
Trust God
Post a Comment