Still Walking the Path

Once upon a time a Mom and her many children went to the hospital so that their littlest brother could see a special doctor who might be able to help him. Because the Mom and her little boy had previously received a thoughtful and encouraging card from a blogging friend who out of the blue dropped by to deliver the gift she naively figured the note tucked under her window wiper was also from a friend who knew that her and all her children were back at the hospital for another visit. Emotionally exhausted by the news from the doctor of the numerous surgeries that lay ahead, she slowly got the kids in the van then walked around to the driver's side to fetch the anticipated words of encouragement most certainly wrote on that note.

To her horror, the letter contained sentiments that had her fearing for her family's safety. She quickly began inspecting her car for slashed tires and possible keying of the paint job as her kids watched her peculiar behavior through the windows.

"What's wrong Mom? Tell us. What did that note say?"

"Nothing kids. Nothing." As the Mom drove home, eyes mostly glued to the rearview mirror she thought to herself, "What in the world have I done?"
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This woman was me. But notice the word was. I came home and continued to let the words dance in my head and allowed few people to know. The hate mail was an attack that forced me to reevaluate who I am, what I stand for, and what is important to me.

At the time, I despised that note, worse yet, I despised the person who wrote it, but now nearly two years later....

I can say thank you. Thank you for being an instrumental key in helping me learn what real life is all about. Thank you for helping me to confront my enemy head on and reevaluate how I look at people who might be different than I am. Thank you for helping me to realize that my children are no more different than other children unless you count them being more valued, more loved, and more appreciated-- different.

Now--- as a precautionary measure, I rarely share the exact time that we have an appointment up at Children's hospital. But we had one yesterday. A nice long visit at the Cranio-Facial clinic to get an update on Dennis. It was another eye opening, learning moment for me.

Dennis is doing awesome! Just awesome! Everyone is amazed at his transformation, the doctors kept telling me how great I was for being Dennis' mother, and yet all I could think was for them to stop fussing over us-- yes, Dennis is doing great but not solely because of his surgeries, not solely because of anything I have done, but all because he has always been an amazing little boy--- all to the glory of God! Don't forget to give glory to God!

To have that little light bulb go off was such a release for me. It has so much more to do with than just the special needs. It has everything to do with trusting that no matter what my kids are doing today, they were first made in His image just like every other child and that no matter what anyone else thinks about my kids or your kids or other kids still sitting alone in cribs tucked away in a dark corner of an orphanage-- they are adored by God. I just happen to adore my kids too.

It was reiterated that Dennis has cleft lip and palate repaired, amniotic band syndrome around the face and knee, Poland Syndrome of a mild degree, and Torticollis-- quite a long list of special needs that I would have politely pushed away and said, "I am sure these kids are wonderful, but I really do not think I am cut out for raising a child with special needs. It takes a truly patient and special person to raise these children."

Well, I broke that cookie mold. I am not really very patient, and I am not all that special. And yet, God took me and all my insecurities and all my pride to follow my own directions for my life and promised to be my GPS system as long as I would let him.

And wow has He taken me down a rocky, winding, life changing path.-- not one I would have eagerly chosen a few years ago. And yet now, I see how He is continually my stepping stone, my outstretched arm, and things that I once was afraid of, I am no longer.

Including the note left on my windshield.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Dennis has been one of the beautiful flowers that pushed up between the crevices of two rocks. Sure, I may have given him the love and security of a family but as my blogging friend Kathy shared, "I truly believe that adoption is 50% for the orphaned child and 50% for the family that is opening its arms wide. The Lord is asking both to trust and lean on Him with all their might."

P.S. Dennis has no surgeries scheduled in the immediate future. His Torticollis will be treated with mild physical therapy which includes having him lean his head to the other side to stretch his muscle-- something we can do at home. His Poland syndrome means he will not be a pro-body builder, but I think he will get over it. His cleft lip and palate will require future surgeries but I think we will cross that bridge when we get there. For now, we are going to enjoy the life that God has gifted us with.