What we are still working on though--- is picking up after themselves in general. Put away your shoes, fold the blanket you were cuddling up with in front of the tv, hang up the towel you just dried off with, put away the blocks you just constructed a three-story tower with. Yes, I want my kids to clean up after themselves.
I usually end up yelling for the kids to clean up but I realize that this will not work in the long run-- it's not like I can yell after them their whole life. Nor do I want to yell at all.
Any suggestions out there or do you all just live with the mess?
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Anastasia spends a lot of time observing. She is quite good at it. Whether it be her watching Julia play Guitar Hero, or Rachel loading the dishwasher, or William taking out the trash and putting in a bag, or me making rice pilaf-- she is learning to do it all! Everyday she surprises us with the new things she does!
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It is nice to see all the boys getting along.
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It is nice to see all the boys getting along.
Sadly, there seems to still be a pecking order-- with Paul being the one picked on. I think this is a direct result of the language barrier between Paul and his brothers. Paul will be coaxed out of his "extra" chalk, he will be given 2 quarters in exchange for him giving his brothers something that is worth twice as much, he will be last in a game and never see his turn come, etc. Most of this is normal brother stuff-- and we are finding ways to make things fair. It is just going to take time.
Thankfully little things like Grandma and Grandpa taking Andrew, Jonny, and Paul for the day is bringing them closer together.
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Caleb is being consumed by water polo. Or maybe it is just my own perception because I see very little of my son. Not only is he hardly ever around, but he is stronger, darker, and wanting more space away from his other siblings. He also seems more short tempered than usual-- something I think is a direct result of such long, exhausting practices. Part of me hardly recognizes him. Is this just part of my children growing up... wanting their own space... or this a worldly distraction that I need to pay closer attention to?
The other day Caleb came home from practice tired and irritable... as usual. With John gone and me wanting to keep things pleasant and in order which is something he is way better at anyway, I began our dinnertime with something along these lines-- "After we pray and get our food, let's please keep our conversation with each other positive and uplifting. I would love to hear about your day, see you interact with each other nicely, but if you have nothing nice to say, please, please, please don't say anything at all." Yes, we try and parent outside of conflict. Dinnertime went well enough and as we were cleaning up, I gave Julia the choice of giving Alex and Dennis a bath or loading the dishwasher. Yes, we all help out around the house to ensure that everything runs as smooth as possible. She chose giving the boys a bath and playfully told them to hurry up and finish eating so that they could go splash in the tub. Julia's goofy behavior irritated Caleb and his response was rude and short. Even if... even if Julia was trying to bug him which was his first line of defense that is no excuse for him to act the way he did. I think it was completely out of line and so I called him out on his behavior. To make a long story short, it came down to me giving him a choice-- lose his IPOD for a week or he give the boys their bath since the way Julia was going about doing it was not to his liking. I figured it was as good a time as any to teach him yet another thing he will need to know how to do for his own kids someday.
Julia supervised because of course Caleb chose the latter and this was his first time ever washing the hair of two squirmy, rambunctious little boys!
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One of the kids caught this picture of John and I the other day. Yes, we were being romantic on a Saturday morning discussing upcoming birthday parties. The girls think we were being absolutely gross-- but we tell them to count their lucky stars that they have a Mom and Dad that are still head over heels for each other.
John tells them over and over-- We are one. Boy, was that a hard concept for one of our girls to accept because that means that we share everything, keep no secrets, and support each other's parenting decisions. We share each other's pain, we strive to make each other's lives easier, and we consider each other's feelings in all that we do. If that is weird to her like she at first said-- then so be it-- We are weird!
Any other weird couples out there?
27 inspiring thoughts:
When everyone drops everything where it is, leaves his or her clean laundry and walks right by it etc. I tell everyone we need walk through (our house is much smaller so this works better here probably). They all start at the laundry area, pick up everything that is theirs, walk through the kitchen and pick up everything that is theirs on through the dining/living area and "family" room. Unfortunately it often gets dropped right inside their bedroom doors (so we obviously have some work to do!) but at least the house is less cluttery. The goal is to walk though and in ten minutes time the house is back in order.
Maybe Caleb is just finding his own way and identity outside of who he is in the family.
No, it's not weird. Tyler & I are the same way - one in everything. At times our children try to play us off each other, but it never works. Isn't it wonderful having such a dedicated, romantic, supportive spouse? We are blessed. :D
Count us in as a weird couple! :)
So how did bath time go? LOL
oops, that Erika minich is really Christie Minich, her mama. duh
My kids are little so we still have to provide constant reminders to pick up. It is also expected that the house be cleaned up before we go anywhere, take a nap, or go to bed. And I give lots and lots of praise when they remember to put things away themselves! I feel bad for poor Paul :-( I hope you help the boys work through that quickly!
Yes, my boys are required to pick up after themselves. If it's a toy they haven't picked up and I remind them twice then they lose the toy for 3 days. If it's a bike and in the driveway, etc. they could lose it for a week. We parent very similar. I am glad you take the time parent and how well you do with all 14 of those precious babes.
coming from a childhood where i lost not only my biological father but my Mom's fiancee after that and a stepfather who raised me after that - ALL through divorce/breaking up rather than death - i say YAAAAAAY to you & John being that much in love! my Mom FINALLY married a wonderful man in 2003 - a former pastor who works as a chaplain at the jail/Sheriff's office now - and i have the stable family & home i always wanted. granted, that could change in an instant, but still. your kids are VERY blessed to have parents that still love each other that much AND who follow the Biblical outline for marriage. too many couples these days ignore that, and there's a reason marriages fail. God knows best!
My parents were totally "weird!" Now that I'm married, I wish my husband and I were "weirder" than we are in the midst of busy life.
Isabel is naturally a neat child (a huge blessing, since I'm borderline neat-freak) so I don't have much advice on the picking up!
I love the walk through idea!! I'm going to implement that TODAY! And, count us as a weird couple too. :)
Yep- we are weirdos too....and our kids say the same things. We just reply- we are married...that's just how it goes :)
I love how a fellow blogger put it over at hishandshisfeettoday she said we have the basic living plan and the deluxe plan.
With the basic you get love, and basic meals. With deluxe you get love, meals, deserts, snacks, freedoms, movies, games, etc.
That is how we roll. You don't do these things- tough cheese right then and there you are on a basic plan. Tomorrow you get a fresh start and a second chance to pitch in. If you do - deluxe plan- if not back to the basics.
About the keeping things picked up part. I give fair warning... a few minutes. :) Any thing after that, no matter what it is , is subject to being thrown out. If your things are precious to you, keep them picked up.
We also, before going anywhere fun, or watching anything, or using the computer etc. have to have our things put away.
Sometimes I miss things, and with 14 kids you CERTAINLY will miss things, but that should be considered grace. :)
We often have "team meetings" and "pep talks" to encourage better clean up skills, bed making skills and "keeping the closets clean skills."
There are times I walk into an explosion of a room. All I have to say is something like, if you want to go to the library, or soccoer or...... fill in the blank.... get movin'! :)
Okay, so from one weirdo to another. . . : ) (just kidding!) We all take part in the clean up--Aidan is still just 4--and this helps him understand that we are all in this family thing together. We sing a little song--sort of just sing songy--"Clean up! Clean up! Everybody do their share!" We sing this over and over until the job is done and, because he is still little, we march a little too. Okay so in addition to our romantic lovey dovey-ness, we are a little weird too!! : ) God Bless!
We're weird too, but we don't share EVERYTHING...I insist on my own toothbrush, and so does he. Haha!
You're not weird - you're a couple that loves each other.
As for the picking up, consequences for things left behind (if you can narrow down the culprit). I had it easy there as I had an only child.
As for Caleb: He's a teenager in high school and it's normal that he is asserting independence. He has so many sibblings that maybe he wants time not always with them. As for the negative behavior, also the same but not to be tolerated I agree.
Of course all the kids have to pitch in as it's a huge family and everyone has to do their share. Even though I had an only, she was made to pitch in too.
Our kids are not doing well at picking their stuff up, or clearing their place after a meal, etc. At the moment they are learning the hard way. They have been on a toy ban for about a week. That's right - no toys at all. It's killing them. I'm hopeful when they go off it they will learn to put things away as they go.
If they leave valuable things lying about we take them for a week or so straight away.
I don't know if it'll work, but am hoping.
I love the Basic and Deluxe idea - sounds great.
I get so tired of reminding people to clean up that every so often I jut take a laundry basket and fill it up with their stuff. THEN when they want it back-they have to do a little job to earn back whatever it is they want. They soon figure out it's easier to put it away first then to have to work for it later.
I do think your Caleb is having some growing pains. PMS perhaps? PreManStress? I know my teenager boy has days when no matter what anyone says, he is irritated and not nice. Good for you for following through and I bet the little boys loved getting their bath from their big brother.
And weird couples are the best!
Conquering the mess. I spent a summer as a nanny to my sister's three kids. She was a single mom and her kids were walking all over her. So I arrived and immediately set some rules.
The best rule was...if you left anything of yours (ie, blanket, clothes, toys, etc.) in a "public" room...read: any room other than your own bedroom!...it would be confiscated. You would have to pay (I think it was a quarter) to get it back. IF you chose not to pay for it, I kept it. IF it was something like shoes (cuz who CARES if they don't get their shoes back?) the charge was deducted from their allowances. They were freely allowed to use these things, and if watching tv, could leave a blanket or toy and come back in a little while. But at night? Oh, no! If we were leaving the house? absolutely not.
I thought I would have either a huge cache of stuff, or a lot of money by the end of the summer. But neither happened. They forfeited a few things, but very quickly learned to pick up their stuff and put it in their rooms!
Another rule was that rooms had to be "passable." I had to be able to walk through them without tripping over stuff. It didn't mean perfect...just passable. And we went to the beach every day ONCE the house was fully picked up and all beds were made. It really turned out to be a great summer. I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to get them to keep things picked up.
When I was little I used to wiggle my way in between my parents when the kissed, push them apart and yell "stoppppp"
now I embrace it. I love that my parents love each other. They're so happily married and I am so blessed to have them as my parents!
I think you are doing a great job parenting! I also think that it is great that you and John are friends and the kids see how much you love each other. You are modeling a healthy relationship for them.
Well, this is still something we are working on (picking up) But, I have a large basket that lives on top of the fridge where left out items go. If a child wants/needs it back it means an extra chore before they can get it out of the basket. I hope this encourages them to just deal with it in the first place. After so long, it goes in the trash or I keep it. But if it is something they want, they usually ask me if it's on top of the fridge and what they need to do to get it back. It seems to help as long as I am consistent.
So glad to read that we are not the only weird ones out there!
Michelle, I loved what you shared! Thank you and I am so happy for you!
Erin and Wendy-- what creative parenting! I love it!
I have found that, hard as it is, having something important to them tossed usually does the trick. I figure loosing a Hot Wheel or another smaller toy early on will save a lot of heartache later in life. For everyone including future spouses!! If it is shoes, etc. they have to buy or buy with a chore to get it back. We have also done "boot camp" where they had NO toys, bikes, games, puzzles, TV, etc. for a month once. Books only. That one worked like a charm I have to say. They got really creative really quickly. :)
- things have to be cleaned up before the kids can move onto something else
- when it comes to toys especially, and they are taking a long time cleaning up, we pull out the timer, they have a certain amount of time, and anything not picked up will be ours for a week... good motivation!
After 29 years of parenting (including foster and adopted kids) I have no easy answer to the cleaning up thing. I occasionally put in place such policies as some of your other readers - a call to pick-up followed by all leftover items going in a basket and put away in the top of the cupboard (but I might end up with a basket of odd socks, pencils, lego pieces and suchlike that no-one ever wants to "buy" back). I only use the "you can go to the pool, out with your friends, watch TV when your room is tidy" tactic on certain kids - as some of my children just get too anxious with a deadline, and the fallout isn't worth it. And I only use it on one child at a time - otherwise I have disgruntled kids ready to leave for the pool (having achieved their tidy room) and all of us waiting on the tardy, less enthusiastic one.
As for being "weird" aka loving, romantic parents - after 33 years of marriage hubby and I still smooch in the kitchen and I find the kids get past the 'yuck!' stage by their late teens, when they start getting partners of their own - then they think we're sweet!
My kids think it's disgusting when we kiss in front of them. My littlest one is actually pretty defensive about it, he runs over and says, "Don't kiss Papa, kiss ME!" and pushes us apart!
As for the mess, I remember my mom lamenting the fact that we never were very good at picking up after ourselves and truthfully, that didn't come until I left home, so maybe it's one of those things you just have to nag about? I know I do, but my boys are still little. Guess I have a lot of years left for that!
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