Miss Sveta Surprising

Someone recently asked me about Sveta.

How is Sveta? How does her FAS affect her today? Is Sveta able to be in a regular classroom? Is she able to make friends of her own? How do you see her Fetal Alcohol Syndrome affecting her tomorrow? Do you have a feel for what her future will hold? What kinds of careers she could pursue? Do you think she will be able to get married and raise a family successfully?

Well, I can answer the best that I could in the meantime, but one thing I have learned over the last four years is that how I think Sveta will be in a few years is totally underestimating what she will actually be doing in two years. This is so amazing because to put it simply-- Sveta has far exceeded what I thought she would be able to do and continues to amaze us everyday.

When she first became our daughter-- honestly-- it looked like her cognitive delays were moderate. She could not learn colors to save her life nor could she figure out how to use a computer mouse. She had no self-control whatsoever and got frustrated very easily. She could not ride a bike nor could she remember basic hygiene practice without being constantly reminded. She was unwilling to try new things and it suited her just fine to stare at you all day and play with your earrings. I had resolved to loving her for who she was no matter what and at the time, I didn't think she was even capable of even attending school in a regular classroom setting. In the back of my mind, I thought that qualified me for sainthood---- accepting her for who she was and getting the school and everyone else to not expect too much from her because she most likely couldn't do it anyway.

As a new adoptive Mom to an older child, I really had no clue how much a child, let alone a child with FAS, would advance after being in a loving home with good nutrition, lots of stimulation, and finally having an exciting environment in which she was free to participate in. This is a stark contrast to her previous life in the orphanage where she had limited food without a variety of nutrients, no education, and nothing to stimulate her brain. I had failed to realize how much these three factors affect a child's overall well being -- and essentially stunt their growth, their ability to love, their personality, their cognitive ability, and even their desire to accomplish new things.

Little did I know that with a proper, loving, family environment our Sveta would take off-- and grow!

Grow she did! She got taller, she gained weight, she let down her guard, she gained some confidence, and she finally began to learn at a rapid rate. Little by little, she learned to add, subtract, multiply, divide, and is now counting money and telling time. She can read, spell, write complete sentences, participate in (a regular) classroom activities, and even managed to memorize her favorite songs and a few bible verses. And yes, she has learned all of her colors-- even the color fuchsia!

Sveta is a follower by nature, a people person, and has made a few friends that are in her RSP (resource specialist) class-- but in general she prefers to hang out with adults. For the most part, this is fine but still we encourage her to go play and hang out with kids her age. Sveta has a hard time knowing when not to say something and so often she puts her foot in her mouth by letting someone know they have food on their face, or smell, or look funny today. This is a trait that few people can love about her--- but once you get to know her, you can see that she is totally harmless. As she has gotten older, this has gotten better, so I am optimistic that she will continue to realize that some things are better left unsaid.

As far as future careers, Sveta adores animals and is very gentle with them. When she wants to be, she is very responsible about feeding and caring for them. But like all things for her-- their novelty wears off and I have to remind her. But if it were her job-- I think she would be more diligent about it. Since she figures poopy diapers are way worse than picking up dog poop she absolutely and positively does not want to have kids-- unless it is the little boy Owen-- she will adopt him but no one else. As far as getting married-- she does not seem interested at this time, but I am sure that will change. I know that she thinks boys are cute-- and she fearlessly talks to the ones that she has gotten to know-- but for the most part she is very shy around them.

What I am most concerned about with Sveta as she gets older-- is that someone else will take advantage of her. She most likely would not understand what was happening and she could easily end up in a bad situation-- (remember that follower characteristic about her.) For now, this is not an issue because she stays with us or family 99% of the time outside of school-- and is perfectly content doing so. We have let her go to a friend's house, but we know the family well, and she has had a friend over-- but that is it.

As to her future-- only time will tell. At one time, I resolved to her living with us forever and never driving a car, but I am not so sure anymore. I can see her living with a few friends in an apartment or finding some really nice gentleman and getting married someday. She might even end up driving a car! One thing is for sure-- I will encourage her to live close to us so that she can visit often!

Over the years, we have both changed. Her being my daughter has taught me so much! In a special way, I think we both bring out some wonderful qualities in each other! I look forward to what her future holds! I can tell you one thing-- it looks very bright!