Parenting Every Chance I Get

The other day, Rachel and I had a few hours to ourselves. It didn't take us long before we were deep in discussion. See, we both learn so much from each other during times like these.
She being my oldest daughter, and yet being a part of our family the least amount of time, I feel like there is a dire need to make up for lost time.

We had this rare opportunity because she didn't want to go to the snow. At first I told her she didn't have much of a choice and that I thought it was a good idea for her to go. She compared herself to me and rationalized that if I didn't have to go, neither should she. Granted, in the eyes of most people that would seem like a good argument, but the point was that she shouldn't have been arguing.

"I think you should go because I know you will have a good time. Plus, I think it is an excellent opportunity to spend fun time with your siblings. You know, if there was a cute boy going or your friends from school, you would jump at the chance to go. God teaches us to treat everyone with love and without favoritism-- and so I would love to see you as eager to go with your siblings as you would for somebody else."

She thought for a moment, and blew me away by agreeing. She said she would go.

And that was when I smiled and told her that she didn't have to--and of course she decided to stay.

So, like I said, we had a few hours to ourselves when the little boys went down for their naps.

"Rachel, I am so blessed to have you as my daughter. I look at you and think, you are such an amazing girl. Would you share with me what it was like when your previous family went over to Ukraine to adopt you? When you found out that a family wanted to adopt you, were you excited? Did you immediately say yes? What did you think of them when you first saw them? Did you go back to your friends and brag a little?"

I asked her to not spare one juicy detail.... and she did not.

Since I wasn't there to adopt her from Ukraine, I wanted to experience it through her recollections.

As she shared intimate details, I invited her to share even more. She did. We both cried, but it was a good kind of cry. I shared too.

As I sat and looked at my oldest daughter, I realized that in a strange way, I felt like I was looking at my best friend. This is so premature-- something that shouldn't happen with my children until they reach adulthood, but it feels that comfortable with her. And yet, there are many many things that she is not old enough for me to share with her, I look forward to the years to come with her as she blossoms into a young woman.

When it seemed as if our conversation was over, I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked her if she ever wished that she could go back to her old family with her bio brothers. Her relationship with that whole family is so much better nowadays, I wondered if she ever wished she could have another chance with them. Before she answered, I told her that I loved her so very much and wanted her to be truly happy that if she told me that she wished she could go back to her previous family to make another go at it, I would be incredibly sad to see her go, but I would let her. I loved her that much. And I guess she loves me back that much because without wavering she shook her head no. My heart soared.

"So, I am an okay Mom?" I smiled half jokingly.

"Well... I sometimes wish you would treat me like I am older.. not like my sisters. I am over two years older than them."

"Rachel, you are right. And you are very mature and responsible for your age. But I am a bit selfish and my Mama instincts tell me to keep you close by even though you can handle having more freedoms. It is not very fair to you, I admit. Here you are the oldest and yet you have been here the least amount of time. You are growing up so fast that I feel like I need to keep you close to me while I can so that you can get as much time with us before you are all grown up. Forgive me for this, but I just don't think it the best thing for either of us for you to be doing more right now. "

This answer seemed to satisfy my smart, compassionate, loving daughter. It should. It is her Mama's heart. And it is a decision made with her best interests at heart. And she knows that I do let her do things... just not all the things she would like to do.

And just like a teenager, since we were on the topic of privileges, she asked about wearing makeup. Not alot, just a little bit of eye shadow because afterall, she is fourteen now.
I reassured her how beautiful she is without makeup and how it won't make her look any more beautiful, but to a teenage girl, that doesn't matter I guess. The whole point of wearing make-up is to put it on and be able to tell your friends that you can wear make-up. I told her we would talk with Dad.

And John and I finally agreed to let our little girl grow up a little bit more. She can start wearing make-up once she goes back to school-- but just eye shadow-- and she can only put it on after her younger sisters have left for the bus. We don't need her much younger sisters asking to put on make-up too.

And you know what? I am looking forward to her first day back to school because I get to show her how to apply it. Another bonding moment for us.

What a blessing.