"The Place To Be"

Our family is blessed. Really blessed...... with a few families that we have the privilege of calling our closest friends. Not only do John and I really enjoy the company of the parents, but our kids and their kids get along great too! It makes for really fun get togethers over at our house.


Often, we have company over at our house because we want our kids to feel comfortable having their friends over. We want our home to be "the place" that all of our kids' friends want to come to. We want our home to be a place that is fun, relaxing, and known for its good food.

So far, it is working, and often times our home has visitors on the weekends, especially during the summer. Sure, our food bill goes up, but so does our chances of raising kids that stay out of trouble because we know where they are, and who they are hanging out with.

Have you heard that saying that comes on tv at 10:00 pm at night: "It is almost 10 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?" I sure hope parents can answer yes.

I Can Never Keep Enough........

1. toilet paper
2. fresh fruit
3. ice-cream

in the house.

How about you?

Tears Before Smiles

At first he wasn't too happy about being in the water.

That didn't last long.

Today, John and Dennis practiced going down under the water to retrieve things off the bottom of the pool (it was only 3 feet deep) together. They did it about five times--- and Dennis held his breath each and every time!

Later on,
I took Julia, Annalyn, and Rachel to a swim party to celebrate the ending of their 5-6 grade youth group! It was nice getting to stick around and visit with some of the parents.

Family Fun Friday!

Dennis has started putting on hats. He has little by little started imaginary playing. He will make that dinosaur come to life, march around beating that drum, and play hide and go seek around the house. After describing all of this (and then some) to the speech pathologist up at Children's hospital last week, she said that Dennis' receptive language was around 22-23 months and his expressive language was around that of a 14 month old. Awesome, considering he hardly cried or made any noises when we first met him.

Today I took Andrew and Annalyn to the dentist. No cavities for either of them (YEAH!)--- however the dentist had to tweeze out a piece of food stuck near Andrew's tonsil (it looked like a pustule). Poor Andrew nearly gagged and cried!

Before taking them back to school, I thought I would do something special with the four kids that I had with me, so I took them to get Happy Meals (which I rarely ever buy) at McDonalds.

They enjoyed eating lunch together-- just the four of them before heading back to school.

Dennis is such a sponge. He is constantly soaking up the activities going on around him and doing things you wouldn't necessarily see other 2 year olds doing.

He actually sat there with the kids for 15 or so minutes taking apart Legos. I bet he'll be building ships in no time!

For a Friday night treat, we had bowls of ice-cream with toppings. I even allowed seconds! Sveta chose strawberries to top her vanilla ice-cream.

William had chocolate ice-cream with chocolate sauce and Annalyn had a little of everything!

Rachel accidentally poured carmel all out on the counter when she turned the bottle upside down but failed to realize that the lid was cracked.

Since carmel is her all time favorite, she had no problem eating up her mess!

John is not feeling well. Remember that bug I had a few weeks back? Well, he has something very similar.

Tonight we spent alot of time cleaning. We moved furniture so that we could vacuum up the dust bunnies and I cleaned all of the blinds. While Rachel and I worked on her side of the room, Julia played us what she learned on the guitar with Adam tonight.

Can you Believe the Day Ended Like This?

The day started out like any summer day. It felt like it was 80 degrees outside by 10:00 am. So after school, I went swimming with the kids again.

Dennis is totally enjoying the water. He knows how to hold his breath and has been practicing going under the water all by himself to get these rings.


It is pretty cool to watch him.


Can you guess who this girl is?

Adam and his friend made this awesome bottle rocket for their science class.

Adam told me he felt jipped because the rocket landed on the roof of the school after the first launch. Everyone else got to shoot their rocket off twice. I asked him if that made him get a lower grade. He said no. I said stop complaining then. Now that he knows how to make them and shoot them off, he can be the coolest big brother and do this same project with a few of his younger brothers this summer vacation.

John made this sprinkler box. He also made a lattice screen to block the pool pump.

Great job honey!

John's parents stayed a while tonight when they dropped off Andrew and Jonny from piano class. It is always nice having them around.

Grandma and Julia always manage to get in a a game of Rumikub. Rachel joined them for the last game.

Here is another picture of me and my man.

Can you believe he is turning 40 next month? I think we both don't look a day over 24 (just kidding.)

Just as Grandma and Grandpa were getting ready to leave, the sky was filled with flashes of lightening. A thunderstorm! We wished them a safe drive home, and then John went outside with the kids to watch the flashes of light. Finally, I told the younger boys that it was bedtime.

Of course they all wanted to sleep together--- but they could not agree about the blinds being open or shut. I decided for them that the blinds would be open so that they could fall asleep watching the lightening.

"There is nothing to be afraid of Jonny. Did you know that I think lightening is a gift from God? He loves us so much and wants to make sure that our nights are not the same day after day where we can get bored so tonight he decided to put on a display of fireworks in the sky for us. Kind of like when Mommy and Daddy buy fireworks on the Fourth of July so that you can enjoy watching them."

Soon after, it started raining-- hard.

The kids thought it was so cool.

I tried to get a picture of the awesome lightening, but this is all I got.

Still, I think it shows how beautifully lit the sky was.

Rachel loved standing out in the warm rain.

Yes, that crazy girl went to bed in her wet clothes!

I Should Have Seen it Coming

Knock knock.

Jonny runs over to answer the door.

"Look to see who it is first," I tell him.

"It is the mailman," Jonny says opening the door.

It was a letter that needed to be signed for.

Hmmm, that's interesting. I wasn't expecting anything like that. Of course, I signed.

"Thank you," as I flipped it over.

It was from the doctor's office that did Dennis' eye evisceration.

Instantly I knew what it was, but honestly felt they would not stoop to such a low.

It was a letter informing me that they were releasing Dennis from their care.

All because I expressed some disappointment over his pessimistic outlook for Dennis nearly seven months ago.

I guess I should be praising the Lord for shutting this door--- however, up until now they were the ones referring Dennis to his ocularist.

For now, all I can think to do is email our plastic surgeon to see if he can be the referring doctor from now on.

I can't help but wonder if I was out of line??? As parents, aren't we supposed to ask questions, be optimistic, hope for the best treatment available, push for doctors to do all they could even if it puts them out of their comfort zone a little?

One side of me wants to write them my own nasty gram, but I am above that.

Lord, help me to let it go.

Reach For Each Other

I feel so bad for Jon and Kate. You know the couple from Jon and Kate Plus Eight? I watched a rerun of the show's season premiere and it literally hurt my heart to watch. What are they doing? The distance between the two of them was very apparent on the show and I just wanted to reach out to both of them and whack them over the head with a newspaper and tell them to stop acting so darn childish.

There are eight children involved here-- not just Jon and Kate.

I know that the two of them have had their problems-- one being that Kate is very belittling, often treating Jon like her ninth child (I have done this myself)-- but how often have we seen Jon complimenting his wife... lifting her up with encouragement and praise? Both of them can stand to learn how to work more as a team and encourage each other. I have not watched the show enough to fully understand the dynamics of their marriage-- but then again I do not think that someone who has watched every episode can say they really know the couple either because television tends to distort the truth one way or another-- probably exacerbating their personal insecurities about each other all the more-- but I can say that they are disconnected from each other right now, and that is not good.

So were the rumors of each of them cheating the icing on the cake or were they destined to fail all along? Did being in the public eye go to their head where shopping for a 6000 square foot home became the priority while their marriage took a backseat or did the lack of family intimacy due to constantly being filmed destroy their chance for them to just be themselves and not worry about looking a certain way for the world?

I can't help but feel that pride is a huge obstacle for this couple right now. I'm sure Kate feels humiliated that Jon would even be out with another woman-- afterall she is the mother of his children and they recently renewed their vows in Hawaii. It sounds like Jon resents the fact that he quit his job so that Kate can promote her book. It is easy for him to entertain the rumors about Kate being involved with the bodyguard when he feels wronged by her already.

So why am I writing about this? Because I feel strongly that marriage needs to be upheld as a covenant between a husband and wife and Jon and Kate owe it to themselves and to their children to reconcile and come out stronger and closer than when they first got married.

That is what a marriage is all about and it just appears as if they are taking the easy way out. It is so much easier to point fingers, and make accusations and ultimately call it quits than it is to humble yourself, reach over for your spouse's hand as you admit that you are broken over the whole situation and vow to do whatever it takes to rekindle the relationship. At this point in the marriage both of their actions and behaviors have been hurtful to each other-- and enough is enough. I truly feel that deep down the two of them really love each other but would rather have their marriage fall apart before they admit it. Just admit it you two----- and start with that. Admit that there is something worth salvaging because there is. Your marriage is bigger than any of this and you have eight precious children who love you and need both of you in their lives.

Six Very Honest Truths About Me

1. I have gained back every pound that I lost a few months back--- and then some. I have made a conscience decision to just eat less--- period.

2. My number one stress comes from a dirty and disorganized home--- yet my desk and area where I put my purse are probably the most chaotic messes in the house. My thinking-- it is organized chaos (and a bit of a hypocrite if I do say so myself). If the house is picked up my kids are free to do other things. This is a huge area I need to work on.

3. Good or bad, insightful or judgmental, this is a truth about me and no need to take it personal. I think that using RAD-like parenting techniques on a child that is not true RAD can do more harm than good. In my opinion RAD is over-diagnosed, mis-diagnosed, and often times wrongly parent-diagnosed. I am not saying that RAD is not real... what I am saying is that it is not always the child who has the actual attachment issues resulting in outrageous behavior. I'll leave it at that.

4. I still have a long way to come in how I deal with all of my daughters as they are entering puberty. I need to be gentler, more understanding, more sympathetic to their moodiness, and slower to react to their emotional outbursts. A few of my daughters have minds that have not caught up with their bodies yet, so I think they are older when in reality they are still years behind some of their same age sisters.

5. I feel that as a believer in Christ, my moral standards are constantly questioned. I feel that Christians are definitely the minority now---- and that because of my belief, when I mess up, I am chastised harder than those who do not follow Christ. Well surprise surprise-- I screw up too. I didn't admit this to initiate sympathy-- in fact I would prefer if you didn't comment on this last part, but I am being honest with my feelings.

6. I know that I spend way too much time blogging. That is why I refuse to get involved with Facebook (though I had an account for like 15 minutes), My Space, Twitter, or any of those other whatchamacallits.

What are six honest truths about you?

The Open Window

Being a Mom is a privilege. And so is having your daughter open up to you. And fostering that relationship to the point where you no longer have to pry open the answers all the time is such an awesome feeling-- that makes raising five girls something to look forward to.

Don't let me mislead you, not all of my girls are to the point where they just open up and share something that helps put part of the puzzle together, but as they get older, I am noticing that our relationships are growing as they seek my wisdom and share from their hearts. Rachel especially looks to see how I dress, how often I wear make-up, how John treats me, and how I take care of the household. She asks why I do certain things and she actually cares what my answers are. I fear sticking my foot in my mouth and shattering that open window where she confides in me--- so I continually ask God to give me the right words. So far, so good--- I haven't blown it too bad yet.

Just the other day when Rachel and I were folding clothes fresh from the dryer, making small talk, she opened up and and told me this---

"Mom, did you know that in Ukraine I used to wear anything? I mean that I didn't care what I wore. We just didn't have alot to choose from and we were just lucky to have clothes to wear. I am sorry for being so picky with my clothes now. I just have so much to choose from that it is hard to make up my mind. Thank you for all of the clothes we have. "

We carried the conversation on into my room where we both laid down on my bed. I had the privilege of listening to my daughter tell me about things she remembered. Her memories are a mixture of both good and bad and we have sorted through most of them---handing many over to God and keeping many tucked away to remember at just the right moments so that she could just smile to herself and enjoy the memory. Like the time I was cooking and started to add different herbs to the beef dish that was simmering on the stove. Rachel told me she remembered the name of that herb in Russian and smiled when she smelled the bottle. She told me that her Ukraine mother used to cook with that same herb all the time. For her to be able to hold onto that memory of her Ukraine mother and build on it with me cooking with the same herb is something that will encourage her to grow up and cook with that same herb too so that she can teach her own daughter.

As Rachel shares these little stories with me, and there are many, I can't help but think how awesome God is to orchestrate all of these little coincidences that only make our mother-daughter relationship stronger.

Celebrating Memorial Day at the River!

Happy Memorial Day! Today, John and I packed up all the kids plus two and headed up to John's favorite river spot up in King's Canyon. Good thing John packed those extra barf bags, because we needed them on the way up. :)

We stopped at Boyden Caverns for lunch.

We ate various kinds of peanut butter sandwiches--- some had honey, some had strawberry jam, and some had grape jelly. Of course Adam's was straight peanut butter. The kids washed the sandwiches down with Capri-suns, water, and a few kids shared Pepsis.

We hung out for a while before getting back into the van and continuing onto our destination.

Dennis looked so cute helping his Daddy wheel the ice-chest. He really thought he was making John's job easier. It really was too cute.

We found our spot, and John made sure to park far away from it as to not draw attention to his favorite rock. However, the walk was very nice.

Caleb was not real excited to be going on this trip today because he has really become "cautious" over the last year or so and thinks jumping off a rock into the icy cold river is just plain dangerous and not to mention dumb. But John and I believe in doing things as a family-- a whole family, and so Caleb really had no choice in the matter. Sooooo..... he decided to be on Dennis patrol--- and did a phenomenal job of keeping watch over his baby brother.

I love how Dennis is hugging Caleb in this picture. Just precious to this Mama's eyes.

John, Julia, Vika, Sveta, Annalyn, William, and Adam all jumped off this rock.

You could hear Sveta's squeals as she jumped off the rock echoing in the canyon!

King's Canyon is really a gorgeous place. John and I have been coming up here since before we had kids, and I came here with my family growing up.

Dennis was not always happy to be in our arms. He wanted to go exploring but it just wasn't the time or place for a two year old to be let loose.

Rachel looks beautiful in this picture. She was content laying on this rock the whole time we were there.

John and Julia tried to talk more kids into jumping off. The water was just too cold for them.

Here is Julia jumping off for the fifth time!

Anna in front of the King's River.

Can you see the beautiful waterfall in the background?

The kids finished up the chips before piling back into the van for the drive home.

One of them was so kind to take this photo of John and I before we left.

Thoughts on Respite

John and I provided respite for a girl a few years back. The parents were just physically and mentally exhausted and rather than them just giving up right then and there, they agreed to having John and I take care of their 11 year old daughter for one week while they regrouped, refreshed, took some deep breaths, and had a few days to clear their heads and figure out how they were going to prepare their home for their daughter's return. It was the much needed break that they had been needing and it helped them to realize that when the home went back to the same exact climate a few weeks after she was home--- it was evident that no one was thriving in the home anymore.

Respite not only gave them the break that they were needing at that exact moment, but it was also a useful tool in gaging the amount of trauma that was going on in the home while she was in it compared to the reunification that was happening with the existing family members when she wasn't.

A fellow adoptive blogging Mom wrote:

Adoption isn't a clear-cut experience. Seeing photos and a small write-up of a child is one thing, but bringing this 'stranger' into your home and making him your son is a whole different thing. Most of the time the families that adopt through Reece's Rainbow come home and after a period of adjustment, the family and child experience their "happily ever after". Not without trials, since these children all have special needs and, well, they're KIDS :) But families find their 'rhythm' and their joy and their family makeup is a wonderful gift from God.

Occasionally, though, the child and family do struggle after coming home. Especially if the child has "hidden issues" such as additional syndromes, major medical issues, or attachment issues. Autism, another 'hidden' thing in institutionalized kids, is another kicker. And sometimes the going gets... well, TOUGH.

After a year home with their new son, our visitor's family knew that things were not falling into place as they should and that each day continued to be a struggle. Instead of throwing in the towel and saying "this isn't what we signed up for", they reached out for help from others that have "been there" and asked for help. I have the utmost respect for this family for asking for help when they needed it! Not that this family would turn to this... but a lot of abuse of adopted children comes from families not reaching out when they need help and simply trying to do it on their own. Reaching out when you need help is the best way to receive the help both the family and child need to work things out!

It's not easy to say "I can't do it" or to say "I need help" or even more so, to say "I'm scared." This family reached out and in response received the help that they needed to get some distance, some perspective, some training, some much needed rest, and an opportunity to have a fresh start with their son. When they may have thrown in the towel, they now have support set up for when he comes home and are prepared to deal with all those things that before were 'surprises' and instead are 'understood'.

During this month of respite our little guy's family has made their home into an environment that will better accommodate their son as well as help them in their daily lives to have less stress due to his special needs. They've sought counseling since before the respite time and will continue to do so once he is home. They've taken some time to be a husband and wife and some time to re-connect with their other children and set up their family environment knowing that their son will be returning to them just as he left them, struggles, trials, and all. And now they feel more adequately prepared to deal with it all.

What I want to make most clear here is that if someone needs help, there should be no shame or guilt in looking for and accepting that help. We all need reminders of this in our everyday lives. Whether it's in regard to our children, our habits, our lifestyles, whatever... when someone reaches out for help, don't turn them away saying they must have been wrong to be in that position, or that you wouldn't seek help in their shoes...

Luke 10:30-37
In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

I love what Meredith wrote about her thoughts on respite after providing care for a little boy for few weeks. Unlike the family we helped who in the end disrupted the adoption of their daughter three months after having respite (she is now our daughter but that is a different story), this family seems prepared and refreshed to parent their son------ a new beginning for all of them.

This kind of networking and support is so important for all parents--- not just adoptive parents. Biological kids can have just as many struggles as adoptive children----- and having the willingness to be there for struggling families can be a blessing not only for that family, but for your own family who can extend the hand of love and grace and be a part of a solution rather than judging the family for struggling.

As summer is approaching and kids are getting out of school, the need for respite is up. I have three families right now that are seeking families who are willing to open up their heart and home to their children for a month or two this summer. This is a huge commitment, but it would mean the world to these families who can really use the break. Back when we provided respite, it was very informal like one of our daughter's friends coming over for a week long visit. I am not sure of the comfort level that the respite needing families and respite providing families would feel with this type of arrangement, since they are not me. Somehow, even I think something more is needed in order to make sure that a clear picture of expectations is laid out for both families.

So, I came up with a few simple guidelines for families.

1) Families seeking respite need to feel comfortable with the respite family and vice versa. Honesty is crucial. What are the needs of the child? How long is the respite for? Does the respite providing family have experience and or a homestudy? Is the seeking family considering disruption?

2) Is the seeking family willing to fly the child to another state? What costs are associated with the respite? A monthly living expense allowance? A one time donation to cover extra curricular activities?

3) What legal arrangements if any? I am not familiar with the legalities of such an arrangement---- but I know I would not feel comfortable without at least a letter authorizing the respite family to seek medical attention. What about temporary guardianship? Is that even necessary? Thoughts.... suggestions??

4) Is the respite seeking family looking for something in addition to "baby-sitting" like therapeutic counseling? Clear expectations need to be revealed early on---- and respite providing families need to be upfront if they plan to talk to the child as an attempt to make things better. I am not saying this is wrong--- but if this is not discussed it can lead to both families resenting each other.

He Just Wants to Sleep

We are home now and have been for a few hours. Dennis is very tired and has been asleep since we left the hospital. He only woke up twice to cry for a second before he fell back asleep.

I told you Dennis would be a happy guy this morning. This time they didn't even need to give him any Versed before they took him into surgery.

They came and got me just as they were wheeling him into recovery because he was already crying for his Mommy. As soon as I got to him and started kissing his cheek and whispering into his ear, he stopped. It was so nice to know that I was able to comfort him.

We got to leave after about 50 minutes in recovery----- they remember me telling them how well he does once we leave.

As soon as we got home, Daddy wanted him for awhile.

Dennis is such a trooper.

Anna is so sweet--- she keeps giving him kisses.

The doctor sewed the new prosthetic eye in place. I think this one looks way more natural and should be more comfortable for him too. Now his eyelid just has to stretch back out a bit---- it is only a matter of time.