Every time this song plays, I think of my Dad. I am not being as strong as I'd like to be right now. I can hardly keep it together. It is harder today than it is has been thus far. Just when I think I can cry no more..... the tears come all over again. I am deep in God's Word yet I am not being answered in the ways that I want. He is telling me so much more...... consoling me.... comforting me..... and for me that means allowing the tears to flow... the chance to finally let alot of things go.
And it is going to take time.
Yesterday, one of my sons came to me and said...... Mom, when you and Daddy die, I want to die too. It hurt for me to hear this.... yet I understood what he was trying to say. Death is a hard thing to experience. I don't know how I would get through it without His comforting words and promises.
I know one thing for sure. I want to live like I've never lived before. And I want to live for Him.
******************
Born Again
by Third Day
Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn't at all who I thought he'd be
I was lost when you found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then you came along and you sang your song over me
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life
Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time
I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I've never known
That I've never felt before
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
In my life
21 comments:
I am so very sorry, and I know with it being this time of the year, that it will be even harder. I am praying for you and your family comfort.
Christine, I just lost my dad Sept 28th and know how you feel. I still have days where I feel emotional all over again. Thanksgiving was tough because everything reminded me of him, but it was a good day too...I didn't mope around by any means, just felt teary when thinking about how much I love him and miss him and how grateful I am that I had him for a dad. The days where you feel the tears welling up will become more and more spread apart, but I think there will always be emotional days, I don't see that as weakness. I wish I could give you a big hug. Praying for you.
Losing a loved one is never easy. I hope you feel comforted in God's arms while you grieve. One thing I have learned, there is no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a time limit. You are strong...why? Because you are on this blog sharing this part of your life with us.
I will pray for your pain to ease and with the content knowing your dad is in a wonderful place.
Christine: What you are experiencing is normal. Please don't worry about being strong right now. I love you girl and am praying for your comfort.
i'm so sorry for your loss! :(
"And it is going to take time."
Dear Christine, you have that absolutely right. Take all the time, and cry all the tears, that you need.
Prayers continue.
I understand your pain. I to have experienced this pain. It will be 3 years since my mom past. It still is hard during the holidays. If you need to chat or pray. I am hear to listen. Remember to talk about the memories. It helps. This is also good for your kids to see. You will make it through. They will see that God is your strength. This will speak more then anything. Death is a part of life, it is hard to let them go. But this life is just temporary. I can't wait for the day I see all of my family that has past. Praying peace and comfort for you.
Christine, I don't think it is a matter of being strong - or even having faith. You miss him. You don't want change! You don't want to lose him! You liked things as they were! Nothing is wrong with that. If your dad had learned that he had to go to spend the next twenty years living in luxury on a beautiful tropical island - but couldn't visit, e-mail, call or communicate - you'd cry when he left then, too.
Don't kick yourself for feeling natural grief. After all - remember when Jesus wept? When he lost his friend to death.
Do be careful, though. Someone warned me of this, and I heeded, but was still caught a time or two. Here is what he said, "Be careful...especially while driving. You will be distracted; you'll think you are fine, but your concentration won't be all there for awhile." So true. I actually ran a red light....it was like I forgot for a moment what color you were supposed to stop for. Just don't push yourself. The holiday was a distraction and now you have to walk through grief.
I am thankful your grief is taking you directly to the heart of God. I will continue to pray for you as you hold tight to the anchor of your soul. You don't need to be strong just continue to hold tight to Him.
Love and prayers,
Donna
It does take time. My dad went to heaven four years ago, and although my family rejoices in knowing that he is in a beautiful place, when they played his favorite hymn at church on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, we all cried. Sat there in the middle of the congregation crying, then laughing at ourselves, then crying again. But that crying felt good. Time has changed the tears. You are in my thoughts...
It does take time. My dad went to heaven four years ago, and although my family rejoices in knowing that he is in a beautiful place, when they played his favorite hymn at church on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, we all cried. Sat there in the middle of the congregation crying, then laughing at ourselves, then crying again. But that crying felt good. Time has changed the tears. You are in my thoughts...
Christine, to lose a parent is a hard, hard thing. I'm so sorry you and your family are having to go through this struggle. Praying for you guys, jeri
Reading your post made my heart ache. I have never lost a parent, so I can only imagine the hole in your heart.
I will be praying for you and your beautiful family.
My father died the December after I graduated from college and each year as the time approaches, I think of him and all that he missed seeing me married and knowing my daughter and granddaughters. Time does help and enjoy the happy memories of the time you had him with you.
It is perfectly normal to cry and part of the grieving process.
My heart goes out to you. I know that song...
When my dad died in April, it was like a part of me had died with him. At times, the sadness was overwhelming but for much of the time, my predominant feeling was that of disconnection.
2009 has been a very difficult year. The manifestations of grief and its intensity change, but it is always there.
God's unexpected gift has been the preciousness of grief: shining through the emotional fog are moments of brilliant clarity and my experience of loss provides opportunities for deep connection with God and others. I'd heard people talk about grief but it's only now that I can understand and be truly present with others in the midst of grief.
I pray that you will be surrounded by people who can listen, cry with you and 'just be' in the moment.
Kate
Christine...
love ya!
Peace
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18~
Oh (((Christine))) my heart just breaks for you. I wish I could give you a hug.
You are in my heart and prayers.
I hear that song often and will pray for you when I hear it.
Christine, first of all, ((hugs)) to you. Secondly, what your son said is so very powerful. It's so sad when kids have to go through a close relative's untimely death.
My mother is not well. A few weeks ago I truly thought we were going to lose her, but she's gained a bit more strength and has come back a bit. We know it won't be long and I'm scared. Forty four years old and I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I lose my mother. No matter what age, losing a parent is hard.
My younger daughter wants a locket for Christmas with my and her father's pictures in it -- so we can be with her all the time, "even after you die." It just broke my heart to hear that, but knowing she is so in love with us is comforting to me.
One good thing has come out of my mother's illness for me -- it's made me vow to take much better care of myself so I can be around much longer for my kids.
Christine....I truly know how you are feeling..I lost my mom 2 months ago..and i still cry almost every day....Today is my mom's birthday and i think i have cried already 4 times...What keeps me going is that I know she is in heaven with her parents and her baby boy(my brother)...and I know that She is not suffering anymore..You will continue to have those days and then you will have days where you will smile because of the great memories you have of your dad...Hold onto those tight..it will make it a little better..My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!
Praying for you, for your family, for the moments when you cannot stand any more, for rest for peace, for clarity. Hugs!
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