I have been blog hopping for a few days. It has been fun to say the least. I have come across a few new favorite reads that I have added to my blog roll-- so make sure to check them out. One that stuck out to me so much that I felt it was worth posting was one titled, "A Bill of Rights for Parents of Kids with Special Needs."
Here are a few of the bullet points that hit home for me:
* We have the right to expect our kids to be seen for who they are as individuals, not as labels or diagnoses.
* We have a right to trust our instincts about our kids and realize that experts don't always know best.
* We have a right to ignore the remarks, questions and stares and not give explanations or excuses for why our children are the way they are.
* We have a right to choose alternative therapies for our kids.
* We have a right to roll our eyes straight out of our heads when we encounter certain mothers who brag nonstop that their kids are the smartest students/best athletes ever.
* We have a right to wonder “What if…” every so often.
* We have a right to react to people’s ignorance in whatever way we feel necessary.
* We have a right to not always have our child be the poster child for his/her disability and some days be just a child.
* We have a right to go through the grieving process and realize we may never quite be "over it."
* We have a right to hope for an empty playground so we don’t have to look into another child’s eyes and answer the question, “What’s wrong with him?”
* We have a right to talk about how great our kids are when people don’t get it.
* We have the right to not always behave as inspirational icons who never complain or gripe about the sometimes awful realities of raising a child with special needs.
* We have a right to get tired of people saying, as they give that sympathy stare, "I don't know how you do it."
* We have a right to wish that sometimes things could be easier.
* We have a right to cheer like crazy anytime our children amaze us—or weep like lunatics.
* We have a right to push, push and push some more to make sure our children are treated fairly by the world.
Written by Ellen, Max's Mama
16 inspiring thoughts:
I love this, yes we have the right xxx
Absolutely fabulous! As someone who plans to be a mama to children with a special need (or two), this just sums up how I feel already!
I love this!! It goes far beyond kids with special needs and can apply to all kids in general!!
Re # 5: "We have a right to roll our eyes straight out of our heads when we encounter certain mothers who brag nonstop that their kids are the smartest students/best athletes ever."
I agree with the rest of the list. But this one deserves attention. I get what you are saying but in todays society, being as superficial, vain, hypercompetitive, and shortsighted as it is, never under estimate the power of good looks, above average intelligence, or superb athletic skills. Or yet, someone that embodies all three traits. Like it or not, any one of those will, in fact give that individual certain advantages over others that makes your aforementioned bragging pretty air tight and bullet proof (e.g say what you want about the Paris Hiltons or Michael Jordans of the world. The rhetoric aside, people of that ilk are set on Easy Street for the rest of their lives. Whether they got it by talent [as in the latter case] or had it spoon fed to them by sheer dumb luck [as in the former], it doesn't matter. They are where they are and no amount of moral arguments or grandstanding will take that away).
It's not fair or right. But neither is life. That's just how it is. Look all around you: Wall Street, ESPN (they televise Little League Games for crying out loud!), and the media in print, TV, and the movies. We are inundated with that stuff day and night everywhere we turn whether we want it or not. Whether we ADMIT it or not. You would be doing your kids a disservice by not pointing out and acknowledging these truths to them. It doesn't mean they need to be part of it or experience feelings of inadequacy or resentment. But instead, by focusing on their own strengths they can achieve their own successes in their own ways.
What are a couple of clichéd sayings that are fitting for this?
"They may be IN this world. But that doesn't mean they have to be OF it."
and
"The first step at defeating your enemy is to learn everything you can about him first".
Love you all
-Matt + Jennn
Aw, thank you, Christine, for posting this. Writing it mean a lot to me. Matt + Jenn, you're right, certain superficial and aesthetic traits are a plus. I was just griping about parents who BRAG! It's hard when they throw in your face how extra-amazing their kids are at, say, baseball, when yours just struggles to pick up a baseball bat.
I can say amen to this list and I have never had a special needs child or grandchild. About #5 can parents/grandparents like me also reserve the right to roll our eyes right out of our heads over these super-braggers. They bore us to tears too ;)
Amen, my friend!
Cxx
How about "You have the right to be amazed and proud of your child when he/she has a tremendous accomplishment, even if that accomplishment seems minor to others." For instance, I can't tell you how thrilled my husband and I were when our son, who has Down syndrome, walked independently, at age 2 1/2. For us, it was huge. We had been working with him intensively with a physical therapist since he was 3 weeks old. What might seem minor to others was an incredible achievement, to us! Much moreso than when our other children walked at typical ages.
Thanks for the list!
I love this! As the parent of a special needs child this will be my mantra. Every bullet hit home and had special meaning. Thanks for posting.
I love this list. It is so true.
Absolutely positively YES!!! Love that post!!!!! AMEN!
I loved it so much, I borrowed it and posted it to my bog, with a link back to you. Sure states how it is sometimes.
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing that. I will definitely check out that blog. And you are right, I do have the right....;) Now I feel a little bit better for all of those times I have rolled my eyes nearly out of my head or told someone who asked me, "What's wrong with him?", nothing's wrong with him.
Thanks for sharing!
Robbie
I love that. My mother and I were just discussing some of those points today.
Most days I don't mind, but sometimes I just get tired of hearing "What's wrong with you?" (especially when it's the same person asking everyday). And sometimes it's annoying being the poster child. I make mistakes, too! And of course, I think that little milestones should be able to be appreciated, not just blown off with a "Sure, being able to stand is okay, but now you need to WALK!". They may not mean to be hurtful, but I worked very hard to be able to stand thankyouverymuch, and it's not a crime to acknowledge it, yes?
I love this. I also like wvmom's: "You have the right to be amazed and proud of your child when he/she has a tremendous accomplishment, even if that accomplishment seems minor to others." Every accomplishment is huge at our house!
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