1. I have gained back every pound that I lost a few months back--- and then some. I have made a conscience decision to just eat less--- period.
2. My number one stress comes from a dirty and disorganized home--- yet my desk and area where I put my purse are probably the most chaotic messes in the house. My thinking-- it is organized chaos (and a bit of a hypocrite if I do say so myself). If the house is picked up my kids are free to do other things. This is a huge area I need to work on.
3. Good or bad, insightful or judgmental, this is a truth about me and no need to take it personal. I think that using RAD-like parenting techniques on a child that is not true RAD can do more harm than good. In my opinion RAD is over-diagnosed, mis-diagnosed, and often times wrongly parent-diagnosed. I am not saying that RAD is not real... what I am saying is that it is not always the child who has the actual attachment issues resulting in outrageous behavior. I'll leave it at that.
4. I still have a long way to come in how I deal with all of my daughters as they are entering puberty. I need to be gentler, more understanding, more sympathetic to their moodiness, and slower to react to their emotional outbursts. A few of my daughters have minds that have not caught up with their bodies yet, so I think they are older when in reality they are still years behind some of their same age sisters.
5. I feel that as a believer in Christ, my moral standards are constantly questioned. I feel that Christians are definitely the minority now---- and that because of my belief, when I mess up, I am chastised harder than those who do not follow Christ. Well surprise surprise-- I screw up too. I didn't admit this to initiate sympathy-- in fact I would prefer if you didn't comment on this last part, but I am being honest with my feelings.
6. I know that I spend way too much time blogging. That is why I refuse to get involved with Facebook (though I had an account for like 15 minutes), My Space, Twitter, or any of those other whatchamacallits.
What are six honest truths about you?
47 inspiring thoughts:
Very insightful Christine.
I do think that people ARE too quick to slap on a RAD label on a child who may be having other issues but have some of the same behaviors as a child with RAD.
I learned this through our own trial and error.
Six SHORT reveals about me would be
1. I eat too much
2. I sleep later than I should
3. I don't exercise regularly
4. I spend too much time reading blogs
5. God has given me a heart for HIV+ orphans and I'm not yet sure what to do with it!
6. I resist change and want comfort but have learned and changed the most in times of DIScomfort.
I don't really care for labels, they just give us the ability to excuse behavior or to expect behavior; neither of which is very healthy. Six truths about me is very hard as I don't care to hold myself up in front of a truth mirror very often.
1. I struggle to put a public face on my Christian walk, I'm sure that not many people would 'label' me a Christian. Sad.
2. I love my children, but I hide from them sometimes; in the shower, on the computer, reading a book. Mom has shutdown, do not attemp to interact.
3. I have a sad little love affair with Benadryl. It's not a drug addiction, per se, but it's still a little disturbing.
4. I expect more organization from my children than I am willing to do myself. Hypocrite.
5. I love homeschooling my kids, I think we're all better people for it; but secretly sometimes I just want to put them on the bus and wave good-bye.
6. I struggle being the wife that I'm supposed to be. I can't even put into words how much I love my husband, but when I should be showing it I'm usually yelling for no apparent reason.
Well, there's six, I could probably go on but I'll stop here.
Facing the truth about self is not easy most of the time, but here are six of them:
1. I use my disabilities as an excuse sometimes or to make people feel I'm entitled to certain things. I'm not proud of it either.
2. I'm the product of an adoption gone wrong from the beginning, and I do have attachment and bonding issues as a result.
3. No matter how much I wish, I don't think I really believe in G-d but I'm raising my kids as Torah loving, G-d seeking young men and yes, I do feel like a hypocrit, but I think it's the best for them.
4. Some so called Christians annoy me to no end (same with some so called Jews), but I admire and respect strong faith and Christians who actually live their Christianity. Rich Mullins is my hero, his songs still make feel a lot closer to HaShem (in whom, as I said before, I'm not sure I actually believe.) Actually, it was Christine's faith that drew me to her blog!
5. My kids (10 and almost 6) know more about forensics than about cartoons. That's because I keep leaving my books on forensics all around the place.
6. I'm not feeling at home in my chosen (home)land and it deeply troubles me. Yet I think it's the best place for my kids so I am trying to change that feeling.
On another note to Christi:
Don't worry about people labeling you Christian or not. What really matters is what is between you and G-d.
I have a question for Christi on her "love affair with Benadryl". Is it sleep you are after? I'm curious because I used to take it to help me sleep at night. I rarely do it now as I realized it was becoming a too regular practice excused by the fact that I have allergies. (How's that for my #1?)
2. The computer is my friend. I rarely get out to visit with friends and blogging helps me feel connected.
3. I need to exercise more and eat less too. (Christine, I am trying to climb back on the diet wagon, but the road is rather bumpy and I'm not sure I've got my footing back yet.)
4. I have a blog and a Facebook. I prefer the blog but will go for the Facebook when the blog is unusually quiet.
5. I make too many excuses.
6. I desire change and find myself resistant at the same time.
15 minutes on facebook ! LOL
That is too funny.:)
I love it that you blog alot.
I like to read what you write.
I love your honesty and integrity.
1. I have gained 16 pounds since last summer... when we brought our son home from Haiti... chocolate has been my friend...so has pepsi... today is day *1* with no pepsi and I have only taken 3 ibuprofen :)
2. Today when that same 6 year old (from Haiti) pooped in his pants at nap time... (I do think it was an accident- because he normally does not do that) it was very hard for me not to scream at the top of my lungs as I showered him off and then laundered his bedding... it has to be one of the worst poop accidents ever.
3. I am going to be detoxing myself from the computer this summer... the adoption process over the last 3 years got me majorly hooked... I have got to get reacquainted with my friends in "real life".
4. I cried the ugly cry when I read the last three chapters of Marley and Me. I cry about everything though!
5. I haven't cracked my bible open or had a quiet time in longer than I can remember. I am so thirsty to read God's word- and really have to make some time daily to do it.
6. I only have one almost teenage daughter so far (and 2 11 year olds) and I sometimes am not sure how to relate to her... she is already very moody.... and just seems to know so much more than me :) (sarcasm intended on that last part).
OH I hate Myspace, Facebook & Tweeter/twitter, whatever it is called.. Toooooooo many social networking sites out there.. which could lead to DIVORCE..
Lets see,
1. I don't eat right
2. I don't excersize enough.
3. I don't keep my house clean enough.
4. I did not beleive RAD was real until I was living it. (I do have a support group of other RAD parents, but we don't just exchange war stories, we often talk about strategies that worked or share stories of progress and healing and give each other hope)
5. I spent too much time on the computer.
6. When my husband said no more kids, I agreed to drop it, but I can't stop thinking about it.
(Guess it would help to proof read and fix spelling mistakes and grammar errors before I post.)
Christine - You are the bravest person I know and I love every bit of you for it. Being so open and honest on such a popular blog shows your strength and your commitment to better yourself.
Let's see if I can be open and honest enough to list 6.
1.) I resent my niece when she comes to visit. Since her father lives with us, she visits often. I find myself hiding in the bedroom and getting angry with her. Most of it stems from the fact that her father barely takes care of her when she is here and I feel like a live in baby sitter.
2.) I am addicted to food and it's slowly killing me. The doctor looked me square in the face and told me I would have a heart attack in less than 5 years if I did not change because of my increased cholesterol levels. That was over a year ago and the levels continue to rise. I haven't done one thing to change. The fact that death doesn't scare me is sad.
3.) I miss my blog and I miss posting but secretly I was always frustrated that I got so few comments and even fewer page hits. I felt inadequate and lonely. Even in a virtual world I was a loser.
4.) I want to be married and have kids of my own but I'm scared that I won't make a good mom. I wonder if I really have what it takes to provide for a family.
5.) I'm addicted to reading other peoples blogs and I pull up my google reader probably 8-10 times a day on my phone. My heart skips a beat when I see a new post and I love pictures in blogs! I read every post (sometimes twice) but I rarely comment because the handful of times I have I felt like an idiot afterwards.
6.) I want to lose weight so badly I've tried some Bulimia techniques. Luckily none of them stuck and after one day I gave up. I like food too much and dislike being "sick" even more.
1. I check in on your blog although I myself do not blog
2. I color outside the lines of Christianity
3. I do not like being at home all of the time
4. My self esteem is often linked to the cleanliness of my house
5. If I died today my little humans would be my life's work and it makes me want to smile and cry.
Number 7-
This is me, de-lurking.
1.) I adore your blog and your family
2.) my dream is to one day have a family like yours
3.) I love kids
4.) I love Christ and strive to follow Him although the road is not smooth
5.) My dad and my mom are two of my heros
6.) I do not think you blog too much :)
In answer to the question about Benadryl, it is dual purposed. I have both allergies and a desperate need for sleep. I worked nights 7p-7a for 6 years, I quit after my 4th child was born, but have been unable to get back on a sleep pattern. I used to take 5-6 Benadryl every night, now I am down to 2-3 and a melatonin. I could probably say goodbye to all of it if I would give up my Diet coke addiction. Number 7 honest truth.
I love your honestly. That's quite a challenge you're laying down ... I could probably come up with 100 honest things about myself that would surprise, shock or disappoint my friends, family and readers. Here's 6 to start:
1. I have hidden chocolate stashes in the house.
2. I detest exercising and I hate to sweat. Therefore, along with the hidden chocolate, I cannot completely lose the 4-year-post-pregnancy weight.
3. 9 times out of 10 I will deliberately NOT answer the phone.
4. I sometimes pray for God to take my mother home to heaven because it is so difficult to see her disabled and in pain. I want my mom to be the way she used to be.
5. My house will never be as clean or organized as I would like. I fret about it constantly yet I never seem to make any improvements.
6. I'm too quick to react to my 4-year old's misbehavior and she knows how to push my buttons. I see it, I get it, I know it doesn't work, yet I still keep doing the same over-reactive responses, thinking sooner or later she will be the one to change.
Bonus ... #7 ... I frustrate myself!
I love that you strive for honesty. And I love how open you are. I am a little offended by your RAD post, however. I think it's becuause you do not live with it. I can see your side, though, as I have a child that was called RAD before we got him and he is very clearly not. I have one that was labelled "healthy" and has severe RAD. I think I am upset because it is easy for people who do not have to live with this illness to discount it, and you are helping them. It's always that "the parents cannot handle the child" or "s/he just needs to be loved". That is why parents of RAD kids seek out one another. We just need to know we aren't crazy, because people who aren't called "Mom" or "Dad" to the RAD child don't see the heartbreaking behaviors.
I so hear you with the Facebook, twitter, stumble-it...all of those whachamacallits. Just too much.
1) I became a US citizen in 2005, and yet I feel just as much a foreigner now as I did before I was sworn in. I don't think I will ever feel like I fit in in America. Going to Ukraine was much like going home for me, it felt more familiar
2)I weigh too much and it is because I eat too much and do not exercise enough.
3) I don't think I have really come to terms with the nine miscarriages I have had since my tubal reversal. I am turning 40 next week and I am very sad that it is not likely my husband and I will ever have a biological child together. It is hard because I feel like that is my fault for having had my tubes tied during my first marriage. I still feel guilty.
3)I love coffee way more than is healthy.
4)I really dislike speaking Dutch now, even though I still can speak it quite well even after 20 years in the US.
5) I miss leading worship with my whole heart and soul. Wish I had an opportunity again.
6) I spend too much time on the computer
Hi Christine!
It has been a loooonnnngg time since I have commented! I'm still out here - just reading when I have time!
Quickly for Christi - try Melatonin - it might really help with the sleep portion!!
Six things:
1. I love to read blogs- though I have a hard time keeping mine current!
2. I have gained 20 pounds since bringing home my daughter that I just can't shake off.
3. I don't get enough sleep - due to a spouse that won't go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
4. Some days my kids suck the joy of parenting out of me.
5. There are days when I wish that my kids could just be like other kids.
and #6
I am truly addicted to chocolate!
1. I am not very confident in myself at times.
2. I hate public speaking and think I would rather drop dead than do it.
3. I am somewhat obsessive compulsive, although no one ever pointed it out to me until after I got married, when my hubby told me.
4. I waste too much time on the computer.
5. I LOVE to eat, especially what I know I shouldn't.
6. I need to be less critical of myself and more thankful for what God has given me.
Christine-
I think as a society we tend to pick things and make them popular diagnoses. I've written about this fairly frequently on my own blog. I have bipolar disorder with a lot of complexities. It is so very frustrating to see how commonly this diagnosis gets thrown around and how this then results in people not understanding how my illness affects me because my once-rare condition is suddenly something everyone knows someone with who "does just fine and you would too if you would ______". It's not that easy.
RAD is another thing like bipolar. I pretty much became aware of that when I was in grad school. I'm an OT and one of my professors was very interested in it and was treating a child with the diagnosis. She would show us videos of his sensory integration treatments. Looking back, he was a child who had no disorder. He had absolutely normal issues to having never been out of a crib for 3 or 4 years in Romania, but the hoopla stuff was just the normal reaction to what has to be totally overwhelming. I can't imagine the contrast of that world to this one in a matter of days. Sensory treatment did make sense, but the label didn't.
Christine, I have to be honest here, too. I find your disertation on RAD to be one of the most offensive and judgemental posts I've read. How fortunate you and the rest of your family are that not one of your adopted children have RAD. I very sincerely hope that trend continues. And if it doesn't and you do eventually end up having RAD turn your entire life upside down, I also sincerely hope that no one tells you that it's a parenting problem, that you need to discipline your children more (or differently), that you don't end up making things worse by parenting them as you parent the rest of your children, and heaven forbid, I really hope that they'd never, ever tell you that your child would be better off with different parents so they can finally break free of the evils of RAD that hold them hostage.
Believe me, if you actually lived with RAD, you would know it! At one time, RAD, true RAD, used to be rare. But as more and more people bring older children into their families either through foster care or adoption (particularly international adoption) more and more cases appear and it takes more of a spotlight. So no, it isn't nearly as rare as it used to be. But rare or not, it most certainly isn't your place to decide whether someone else's child has RAD or not.
Please also realize that it is also nearly impossible for people who don't live with children who suffer from RAD to fully understand it. Disertations like this do not help anyone. In fact, they only encourage people to try to do more on their own and avoid professional help. As a mom of two truely RADical (and I use that term deliberately) kids, I can assure you THAT is what is most dangerous.
Sometimes help is needed - and desperately needed. But because there is now such a negative stigma attached to seeking it, too many people are too afraid to seek it. They often blame themselves for the problems or they fear a "label." Meanwhile, their entire family is put at risk. The adopted child is at risk for hurting themselves, other children in the family are at risk of being hurt by the ill child, parents are at risk of breakdown, and most definately, even strong marriages are put at significant risk of falling apart.
I don't know of any parent of RADical kids who considers themselves a hero. Other people do, yes. And it drives me NUTS!!! I'm no hero! I know what really goes on in my home. I'm also just a mom like all the rest of you and am doing what anyone else would do who adores their kids - doing whatever it takes to help them heal and learn different ways.
I don't write about what goes on to earn some badge of courage or the praise of others. I write about it for two reasons...one, to process and purge it myself so I don't go completely crazy myself. It also helps to know that I'm not alone in the journey, too. I also appreciate what other people write, too. It's from them that I get new ideas. As any RAD parent knows, what worked today may or may not work again tomorrow. We don't just need a parenting toolbox full of tricks. We need an arsenal!
The other reason I write is because during all 5 years of our adoption process, I never found any blogs where people were brave enough to write about what really goes on after the kids come home. Sadly, isn't always peaches and roses! I've seen WAY too many people over the years go into adoption, especially international adoption, with nothing but stars in their eyes and end up being totally ill prepared for what really lies ahead...and far too often, the adoptions end in disaster. If something I share can somehow make someone else's journey just a little easier than mine has been - or if it helps them be better prepared than we were for what really lies ahead, then fantastic.
And why is it that I refer to my boys as my RADical kids? Because they do have RAD...but more than that, where I come from, the word "radical" means "cool, awesome, and great." Even on their most rotten behavior days, my kids are still all that. The RAD isn't, but my kids are.
Diana-- Thanks for your input. We can agree to disagree. I do know what you are going through--- (two of my girls were said to have had it-- heard of Nancy Thomas?) Anyway, I was making a generalized statement not directed at anyone in particular and I am sorry if it hit a little too close to home. I never discouraged anyone from seeking help and I for one am glad that you feel it is working for you.
RAD when diagnosed by a professional is one thing-- but in reality it is a quick label that is slapped on by many adoptive parents just because their child exhibits a few of the behaviors. That is my opinion.
I have read blogs where families have adopted two and three diferent, seemingly healthy, normal younger children and they all have RAD. ALL OF THEM. What are the odds? Oh, and by the way--- I think blogs like that are doing a much bigger disservice than my ocassional mention of what I personally think about RAD.
I second Diana's comment...I believe you heart is in the right place when it comes to kids and letting their own light shine through but believe me...living with a kid w/ RAD defines how we parent and how we live our lives...you have been incredibly lucky (or maybe your personality/parenting method is better suited). I "think" I "sort of" know what you mean in that some people might take it to extremes (the complaining) but honestly...if that is what they need to do to survive their days then I can't begrudge them that. I didn't talk about it in my blog, I'm careful as to whom I share info with in real life, and I fiendishly protect her privacy but lemme tell ya...there are days I fantasize about running for the hills and the sad thing is that I can't share this w/ others because people just don't get it.
1. I'll always mourn not experiencing a pregnancy but I mostly mourn not knowing what is like to have a kid fully attached to us...makes me sad and a tad resentful.
2. If I don't eat for an extended amount of time I get very very very irritable...yet I tend to forget this and remember only after I've yelled at someone.
3. I'm an athiest but don't always reveal it...to some Christians my non-belief is worse than committing a crime and they let me know it...I've actually been shunned and had my moral character judged.
4. I stay up way too late
5. After 15 yrs of marriage I still lust after my husband...another one I don't disclose as most people can't relate...I can't relate when they crack jokes about being tired or not having time or the kids getting in the way of their sex life.
6. I expect my child to eat well (soda only on the weekends, cook healthy foods for her, healthy snacks, etc.) yet I have a wicked addiction to diet Pepsi, coffee, chocolate, and McDonald's mcchicken sandwhiches...all of which I hide from her!
Hopefully last comment about RAD. We have dealt with habitual lying, stealing from us, classmates, and friends, purposefully peeing in the pool, purposefully sexual acting out, violence, tantruming, indiscriminate affection, manipulation, convenient forgetfullness, outright disobedience, sneaking food, and scheming. But----- if we were at a10 with these behaviors at one time--- we are now at a 1 or 2. Just because I do not blog about every single trial does not mean that I do not understand or have not walked in your shoes.
I have no doubt that my children trust us and love us and that is why I refused to say that they had RAD--- even when it would have been convenient.
Thank you for all of your responses. A few of your comments made me get teary-eyed. Your honesty is awesome--- an encouragement to me to continue being honest myself. Mindy, will you please email me?
Christine,
I identify with so many of your truths. Blogging takes so much time, and I really feel guilty when I spend more time blogging than I do reading my Bible!
Just a note of encouragement about your weight. You look great in your pics. But I understand the need to keep one's weight down--for health reasons. I gained about 25 pounds 4 years ago--but not because I started eating more. My doctor told me that too much stress will make us gain weight even if we still eat the same kind and amount of food we've always eaten! And I was under extreme stress at that time! You mentioned you were under lots of stress, so maybe that's what's causing your weight gain. One thing I've started doing is reading labels. I avoid all food that contains high fructose corn syrup. I've read that stuff really packs on the pounds!
God Bless you, Christine. You and your husband are wonderful parents.
This was a really good post, Christine. I thought #3 is interesting.....and wish we could sit down over coffee and discuss it. I agree with you. I think that the RAD label is overused....and often when children are adopted they are experiencing just what a normal adult might experience and not know how to express well - grief, fear, homesickness, confusion, and for kids who don't speak the language....all of that pent up with no way of expressing it! All at a time when everyone is expecting the poor kids to be delightedly expressing affection and gratitude to their new family of complete strangers. That it works out so well, so often, is the miracle. I have two adult women friends who had panic attack breakdowns when they were in Russia adopting. Why? Strange food, strange bed, missing home, anxiety of the change, inability to communicate. But they were ADULTS, who KNEW THEY WERE GOING HOME, and WITH A SPOUSE! Yet, they take their child home and expect it all to be hunky-dory right away.
I do think that sharing the meltdowns sometimes can be helpful, though....if you think that you are the only parent whose child is not cheerful and docile, you'll go crazy.
BTW, Christine - you were so right about Sergei. Your response on my blog was not in tune with everyone else's. You caught something that I hadn't really caught even though I wrote about it. My sweet Sergei was being driven into the ground by one particular teacher and it is going to take some effort to get him out of this slump.
Smart move with facebook. It isn't all that intriguing, though.
As a mother(yes my negleted blog will be updated soon) of a child with severe mental illness, i want to thank you for your post.
True RAD is extremely rare. Yet, it seems to be the "hot" diagnosis these days, with websites, and stickers, and fancy names popping up every day.
What i find most frightening, is the seeming WANT of these parents to have the RAD label slapped on, so they can be praised for being that parent:
"I have a RADical child. But i love him anyway! Don't you think i'm strong and brave and wonderful!"
I have to say that I am very surprised to see how many people are willing to stereotype parents of RAD kids. It's very hurtful to me. My blog does not focus on RAD at all. I tend to keep my "war" stories to myself, for the very reasons that if I tell people I get accused of being a bad parent. I did not "want" my child to be diagnosed with RAD, in fact the first few doctors, medical and psyciatric that that brought it up, I argued with. I do not allow him to get away with behavior because he has a "label", in fact in many ways it makes me more dilligent in dealing with his behaviors. The truth is my son does not love me yet. I am not giving up on him, I beleive he can heal. I am not a hero and I don't want attention for dealing with his issues. I don't get any either. Mostly I get people telling me I brought it on myself or that if I just parented better he would be fine. I can deal with these uninformed comments from friend and family, but it hurts more coming from other adoptive parents who should understand. I think most parents who are dealing with true RAD are not out blogging about it, but struggling to deal with it alone out of fear of being judged like this. The ones whose kids don't really have it, but are just having normal adjustment issues, those parents are blogging maybe, but most of us who deal with it, end up seeking out people we think will understand and not talking about it to the rest of the world. This just reminds me why I don't talk to most people about it. I do my best as a parent and it really hurts to have it implied that my son's issues would go away if I was just a better parent. I have been trying hard for two years and we have made great strides, but still have a ways to go. RAD is only a small part of who my son is, but some times it takes over everything and as a parent you feel very alone.
Christine, I always enjoy your honesty! I relate to your statement about RAD. While I do not believe many children have RAD, I do believe that many have challenges with attachment. I get frustrated with too much "perfection" as well as too much complaining. I love to hear about overcoming! Tell me it's hard and then tell me what you're doing about it. Tell me what you're learning. Now that's something I can listen to! The other stuff just brings me down.
Thank you for commenting on RAD. I think it is becoming the new ADHD. I have seen parents dissapointed that their pediatrician wouldn't diagnose their child with RAD. Why would this dissapoint you? Every adopted child is going to act out. If you were plucked from your world, even for the better, you would have a hard time adjusting. Now imaging being eight years old! Its not a common disease and shouldnt be treated as such. And please dont call your child RAD or Radical or ADHD. If your child has cancer you dont call him cancer. You say he is dealing with cancer. If you teach your child that they ARE the disorder it is much harder for them to overcome the disorder. Your child is a blessed and highly favored child of God who is loved beyond reproach. Your child is more than a conquered and a coheir with Christ. Tell your child this everyday and speak confidence and blessing over them. I know its tough but all you parents were called to adopt and can overcome the challenges that come with adoption. Feel free to flame away at me, but I speak this as a child whose parents were told by the psychologist that there was no hope for their child. My parents resisted this and I have two degrees and a very nice career to say that he was wrong. I will now descend from my soapbox.
I think we all need to be careful to not judge one another. Adoption is a hard road. Attachment is a hard road. We need to encourage one another and support one another.
I completely understand your points on RAD. However, I could also see how some people may feel truly hurt by your statements.
Thanks for sharing, its like reading about myself.... :)
6 very honest truths???? Well...
1. I tend to adopt a "Martyr {sp?} mentality. I fight it, but it is there in the background.
2. I tend to be very judgemental of mental/emotional weakness in others. I fight this too, and am getting more understanding! But again, it is there in the background.
3. I believe a person has to work harder to get to Hell than to Heaven.
4. I struggle with jealousy.
5. I eat too much too. And am constantly on a yo-yo kind of diet life.
6. How clean my house is or isn't directly affects my mood. How I wish I was one of the special people who really aren't bothered by a messy house! I strive to be that kind of person, but I just can't help it.
I wanna get in on this 6 things fun =)
1. Now that our kids are home, I probably post to many pics on the web of them when I shouldn't but I can't help it...I'm a proud mommy!!!
2. I put on way to much weight while going through the adoption process!
3. I am feeling resentment towards my work because I can't afford to be a SAHM (boohoo)
4. I feel terrible that my husbands family has met our adoptive kids and not 1 person from my family has. (A distance thing ) everyone is going crazy waiting!
5. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself for having PCOS and I feel cursed
6. I am having a hard time finding the energy to get the kids up and ready for church Sunday mornings, even though we always make it and I'm glad we do! I feel guilty wishing I could skip it lately. I know I just have to get a routine going (motherhood is still new to me)
1. I am now a stay at home mom. I'm not sure that I like it. So far the house is cleaner and dinner is always perfect, but I miss my work, a lot.
2. I am trying to come to grips with the fact that though I can have more biologicals, I don't think I want to. Hence the decision whether or not to get my tubes tied.
3.I wish I had joined the peace corps.
4. I am dreading summer.
5. I have got to stop eating chocolate cake. It is evil
6. I hardly go on the computer anymore.
Six things about me!
1. I am obese and have been for four years. I want to lose the weight, but have no ambition.
2. I spend too much time on the computer.
3. I like McDonald's way too much!
4. I lack motivation when it comes to housework. Often times I have to spend many hours at one time doing everything when I could have done it in increments over the whole week.
5. I don't think people can actually see Christ in me! Very sad.
6. I am angry about some things and I can't seem to shake it!
great post.....dont understand RAD...totally but studied it in graduate school......but I dont feel able to make much of a comment about RAD......since all I have done is read about it in a textbook........but also saw some severe forms when I was a foster care counselor.......and drs that didnt want to help......and drs that did........so I dont know the answer but I appreciate your honesty and being so forthcoming.....and I enjoy reading your blog.....and am glad your addicted to blogging......LOL.
God bless you.
I will post my Six very honest truths about myself on my blog...LOL...cause I am long winded.......LOL
I always admire your honesty on the blog! I must admit that my first son has RAD, but it has always meant REACTIVE AIRWAY DISEASE! Until, that is, we entered the adoption world! Even now the medical offices refer to his respiratory problem as RAD and no one asks me which one it is! LOL!
I love your ideas. You always give me food for thought. Thanks!!
1. I learned to say "no" this year and actually be greedy with my time (okay it is an hour of my time, but still I claim it as my own). This got me into boxing/fitness routine that I have been consistent with for over 5 months. The results have been amazing and I am looking forward to getting into a swimsuit.I realized that I am worth this time and no guilt is allowed to come with it. I think more of us "moms" should do this. We need it more than we think.
2. I have started to stop and enjoy more moments with my girls. The time is fleeting with them, thus sometimes there are dirty dishes in my sink, a floor that needs to be swept, dirty laundry still in the basket, but it can wait for a little longer....
3. I am Catholic and my husband is Southern Baptist...opposites attract! While I choose Methodist for our family, I don't make it to church like I should. However, I believe God tests me on a daily basis and it is how I treat my fellow man that truly counts in his mind. What do you think?
4. I made a summer list of things to accomplish, to see if I can. Everything from learning to sew on a machine bought for me at Christmas to landscaping the backyard is there. Maybe I will go back to the "my time/saying no" moment and surprise myself by getting it done. As long as it doesn't take away from my boxing...
5. I can't stand the way my sister-in-law treats my brother-in-law. She is very overbearing and he has to get "permission" in order to do anything. It makes for extremely tense family holidays. I am from a family that speaks their minds and my husband is not.I would LOVE to say something, but out of respect for my husband, I don't. I question whether that is the right thing to do or not. Let's just say there are ridges in my tongue from biting it so many times...
6. My girls love reading about your family. They are excited about the newest member to be adopted and always ask how Dennis is doing. By reading your blog I am teaching them that families come in all kinds of ways and that it is the love that a mother or father has for a child that makes them their own. Thanks for such a wonderful blog.
Sincerely,
Kellie, Haleigh and Averee out of Bixby, OK
truths
1. I have never dieted. I eat whatever junk food I want. If my clothes start to get tight, I eat a little less in total but I still eat whatever junk food I want.
2. I believe that with adopted kids, too often all problems get blamed on the fact that they were adopted, without considering that perhaps that's just the way the kid is.
3. I don't watch tv.
4. I always mix diet pepsi and diet mountain dew, if both are available.
5. I hate ants.
Great post.
Just playing catch up here.
..
here are six honest short truths about me.
1. I love to eat.
2. I am terribly afraid of spiders.
3. I don't feel like I am finished having children..yet..at the same time..i'm getting pretty tired.
4. I am absolutely sure , without a doubt that I made the right decision in having J moved.
5. I miss all my kids that have once been apart of our family..and still dream about them
6. I am short tempered at times
I have been thinking about your #5.
I think a lot of this has to do with the claim in Matthew 5:13: Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
If you are the salt and you are the light that should not be hidden, yes, people will look towards you more critically. More is expected of you as you claim more is given. If you have divine guidance you should be better than the average person, most people think. So if you take that verse seriously, you can see why the people look at you that way. And when you make mistakes, it is not always Schadenfreude the people feel.
Also, going back to one of my truths, many so called Christians carry a holier-than-thou attitude and feel justified in treating their fellow man in a less than Christlike manner because they are "saved". And these people often lead to people being more critical of Christians--especially if they don't see the Chrlist-like attitude and love.
Then, all said, there is a promise that makes it all worth for you:
Matthew 5:10 "Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
While I don't believe that the 1st century rabbi Yeshua ben Yosef was the moshiah (at least not the Jewish moshiah), I do believe that the righteous of the nations will inherit heaven, and the true followers of him definitely number among the righteous of the nations.
Christine, insightful yet I believe your thoughts on RAD are flawed. I was directed here just today. . .
Perhaps too many kids are being diagnosed as RAD, but could it possibly be that as we as a country have been moving toward a me me me mentality and a selfish push towards doing what we want that children are being more and more "damaged"? Our children are being subjected to drug usage in utero, and countless horrors while in the care of their parents they were removed from. We all complain about the number of homes our children are shuffled around to and the number of BP visits our children get and how it affect them. Those traumas don't just go away. It affects them on some level, who are you to judge just how much?
While I agree with some of your commentors that it seems to be the diagnoses of choice, maybe it is because this generation of selfishness is ruining some fabulous kids. (and by the way my kid is not a RAD kid)
Wife to the Rockstar has a very good sentiment and I think she is a ROCKSTAR for saying it.
As for the christian's being judged more harshly remark, I would like to point out that that typically happens because as christians WE can be judgemental and intolerant on so many levels that when we fail it is touted. I hope that I am not like that. I hope that I ooze tolerance and still show my beliefs with honesty and open mindedness. I hope that I don't give anyone any ammunition to celebrate my failures by understanding theirs in the first place. (for the record I work in a church and have for 19 years)
I will continue to visit, I hope we can agree more in the future.
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