God is good.
Yesterday was just a hard day for me. And it is hard for me to admit that I have days where I am overwhelmed. My pride gets in the way. I know in my heart that nothing can be hidden from God, yet I try to fool myself and Him pretending that I have it altogether. Well I don't.
First off, I had taken on a huge burden. It had weighed heavily on my heart for quite a while and recently it just become too unbearable for me to carry any longer. This "thing" was literally consuming all of my heart and mind and I had to finally let it go. I somehow thought that I was responsible for someone else's salvation, and I was taking their lack of faith personally. If I just lived my life differently, or said something that was powerful enough-- I could make a difference. I know that that is crazy, but the burden was so heavy wondering if there was something that could have been said or done to make them feel differently.
On top of that, I was dealing with a lost friendship. I had a friend ask me to be totally honest with her on a very big life altering decision----- which I was and felt that I owed it to her to be, and she decided to end our friendship because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Big sigh...... maybe I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should've told her what she wanted to hear. I was feeling guilty because of the friendship that has ended........ if only I had told her what she wanted to hear we would probably still be friends. Yet as I type this, I am beginning to wonder if we were really friends at all. Afterall, with real friends, if you speak the truth with your friend's best interests in mind, they would eventually realize that... right?
These two things may not seem like big deals to most of you, but to me, they were both overwhelming me in unhealthy ways.
To top it all off, as I was carrying in groceries, one of the bags broke and a big glass jar of strawberry jam shattered on the driveway. Amazing how powerful something as trivial as a broken jar could be. Just when I felt like I had reached my max, Jonny dropped a glass of instant coffee on our tile floor in the house.
My human sinful nature wanted to take it out on Jonny by screaming at him--- yet God stepped in for me and I managed to remain calm instructing Jonny to go upstairs with Dennis so they wouldn't step on glass, and play while I cleaned up the mess. Without God, I would have surely wounded my little guy's spirit....... in a way I still felt that I was too stern with him and I apologized to him. "Mama, you didn't get angry that much. I forgive you."
Looking back, if those two jars hadn't broken, my spirit most certainly would have. God is good. God used those jars to get my attention, and I stopped and begged for God to take away these burdens. I was drowning, and I hadn't thought to stop and ask God to send me a life preserver. It was He who lovingly reached out to me and handed me one.
I think He does this more often than we realize. And as I slowly get closer to Him, I am beginning to notice these life preservers that He is throwing out to me all the time. Thank you Father for continually being there for me even when I do not notice. Thank you for never giving up on me.
He is so much bigger and stronger than anything I can throw His way and I need to remember that.
29 inspiring thoughts:
Christine,
you said perhaps thost two things don't seem so big to us (your readers) but, I have to tell you this post brought me too tear. Lately I have been so overwhelmed caring for my Dad. I know God has called me to take this time to love him and care for him physically but, I also have taken on the burden of caring for him spiritually. I'm not really sure whe my Dad is at in his relationship with Christ but, I do know he is consumed with anger, bitterness, fear, anxiety, and an "I am a victim attitude". 2 days ago we got in a huge argument (something I've tried to avoid since he was diagnosed with cancer) and he said some hurtful things that I believed. I know that Christ does not believe them though. It's hard for me to remember that while I am responsible for loving my Dad, I'm not responsible for his salvation, he is and Christ is. But i often think...If i had not back talked, If I were a better daughter, if I didn't say this one thing...maybe he would completely surrender his life to God? But I allowed myself not only to be consumed by saving him ... I thought similar things about my Mom and sister. I is/was a heavy burden I know I'm not suppose to carry.
As for speaking truth to a friend, I've never had something exactly like that happen but something similar. My friend told me somethign I felt need to be told to an adult (we were pretty young at the time, probably around Rachel's age). I told my Mom, who asked my friends mom about the situation...she got mad and stopped talking to my Mom, and did not allow her daughter and I to speak for about 8 months. Then, she realized where my Moms heart was when confronting her, that it was out of care and concern and she called us. It took time for her and my mom to rebuild their friendship but they did. As for her daughter and I, well we had met eaxh other when she was born (and I was 15 days old) and we are still best friends. Not without our tiffs and disagreements though (lol) we are much like sisters sometimes. She has been honest with me in ways I don't like, and I with her. Sometimes we even have to "take a break" from each other but, we are always drawn back.
I will pray for both of us, that we can continue to surrender our loved one's to Christ and trust him...that he would soften and open their hearts to Him. I will also pray for the situation with your friend, that she would see your intentions were not to hurt her but to be honest and loving to her. I will pray God would either help you let go of this relationship and grieve in a healthy manner, or he would speak to her heart and she would come to you to repair this relationship.
{{{HUGS}}} We all have days like this. You are not perfect.. yet. And I do understand letting things gnaw on you internally until they burst out externally in an inappropriate way. thank God that didn't happen with your Jonny. Thank God he intervened and thank God you asked Him too. I'm sorry for your friendship lost.. but I agree with you too. Friendship should be able to handle.. actually friendship should DEMAND honesty.
Be nicer to yourself. And don't BUY strawberry jam.. send my your address and I'll send you some HOMEMADE strawberry jam. lol
"Jars of Clay" comes to mind, with your description of your difficult but ultimately uplifting day.
Along with "you can't make omelettes without scrambling eggs..."! Those broken jars may be more precious than you yet realize, in the long run.
I am sorry about the broken friendship. That's hard...to do what you knew and felt to be the right thing, only to have your friend end your relationship so abruptly. No doubt this incident caused both of you a great deal of pain. Perhaps if you give it some time, and keep your friend - and your friendship - in your prayers, God will provide a way for you to reconnect, in His own time.
As for the non-believer whose spiritual state concerns you so much, again, prayers can work help in ways not always initially obvious.
I struggled with a relationship years ago and prayed - the answer came, to love the other person as Jesus did. That was a very tall order, and far from easy at times, but it eventually led to inner peace for me, though the relationship remained challenging at times. However, recognizing that neither my friend nor I wished one another anything but well helped enormously.
Perhaps letting your friend know that you didn't speak out to cause them pain but that you cared about them a great deal might help some, even if the friendship is as broken as those jars...the great gift of free will means not only are we responsible for ourselves
and our own choices, but that we have to recognize others' freedom to choose for themselves. We can speak out when we see them hurting themselves or others by their choices - but their choices remain their own responsibility.
Hope this helps a little, and that you have a wonderful, peaceful, happy weekend.
Susan in Ky
Christine,
Wow, what an intense week for you! Yes, these things can drive you nuts. I am glad that you finally found that your faith has little to do with someone elses. While yes, we must strive to imitate Christ and be more Christlike, by being the salt of the earth and allowing others to see who we are so that they may want our joy also, we indeed cannot stop someone else from down spiralling into an abyss of sin. It is these moments if you think back that made you and I who we are. We had to have the downspiral for that is where we met God and got to know and trust him more. On the peaks where it is beautiful and wonderful there is no food for us and therefore each and every triumph is then followed by a down hill trecking to where we are fed by God and nurtured in the valley, thereby giving us the faith you desire for your friend. It is after our valley experiences that we can then again rise to the peak and enjoy God and our relationship with Him. As a parent to so many, this lesson I am sure will reappear in the days to come as you see your children grow and change and find that though you are mom, they will be finding their faith at some point that they will one day call their very own.
Now onto the friend that requested honesty. The same faith that led you to understand your friend's lack of faith is the same faith that led you to tell the truth. Being the salt of the earth means that we believe it when the Bible says to be honest and not bear tales, to approach a brother or sister in love when they are walking in sin or wrong. The same salt of the earth may have lost you a friend right now, but if they were your friend and they are a believer they surely won't be lost forever. And if they aren't a believer the Bible cautions us on that too. So, you were indeed right to tell the friend the truth. The wounds of a friend are far better than the kisses of an enemy. It may be this act that one day they think upon and realize where they are spiritually and they turn and find Jesus again. Just some food for thought! Be less burdened love. God has this all in hand. I understand the loss of the friend and the small faith. I use to take these things personally and then God reminded me that my persecution would really belong to Him and be for HIS cause. That they were not really upset with ME at all, but the truth they hid from. I have lost many friends because of Biblical truth, and I make no apologies for that. So smile warrior.. you done good!
Sarah k.
Taiwankiddo2.blogspot.com
Taiwankiddo2@yahoo.com
so true
Same here. . .exactly the same kind of week. My day ended Wednesday night in tears on the phone with Delta! I actually posted about it yesterday b/c I am going to memorize a verse to help me through days like this. . .join me!
Praying for you. Know that you are being used by God in mighty ways and the enemy of your soul is after you.
Brandi
PS While i didn't write it, a newly lost friendship is one of the things that I am struggling the most with! Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it
Those are normal human feelings and we all feel them from time to time. Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable. You are being refined and that is just where God longs for you to be.
Praying for comfort from the Holy Spirit and praying that God will open the eyes of your friend that doesn't have the personal relationship with God.
Hi Christine-
I have never commented on a blog before but I have really been inspired by reading yours for a while now. I want you to know how much I appreciate your honesty and transparency. Your love of God and your family are so inspiring. I relate to what you said about God bringing those opportunities of breaking jars and such to save us from being the ones to explode; yet sometimes we don't see it!! Seems so obvious hearing you describe it but not so much in my own life at the time!!!!! I will try to be more aware of his hand in my own situations like that because of what you shared. Thanks.
I also wanted to encourage you with regard to your offended friend. I believe it takes much greater courage and obedience to God to truly speak the truth in love, rather than saying what is probably more palatable. It sounds like that was your heart and I believe God will honor that, somehow someway and I pray he will let you see his hand in it.
I loved reading your comments to the recent comment regarding abortion and God being the only answer to everyone, period. Stay strong in your beliefs and be true to his word and I believe that he will bless your writing immensely in touching many lives.
Know you have me cheering for you, and praying!! Keep up the good work!
Jennifer in FL
Christine..you are human.
I often think of you when I feel overwelmed..and I sure wish I felt God's presence as strongly as you do.
I am going to keep praying on it.
In the meantime I hope you are feeling better.
God bless
L
Aren't you glad He knows what's best?
Your post brought tears to my eyes! I too have had a rough week and have struggled with staying calm and knowing that I am not in control. We all have these moments, we have to choose to let them consume us or to hand them over to God.
Speaking truth to a friend is a hard one. I think maybe sometimes we ask the wrong questions and when we get the answer to the question we asked, we are hurt. Partly because the response seemed gratuitously mean (because we didn't want that answer to THAT question.) I've stepped over the line in these ways, too...and been on the receiving end. Good luck patching it up.... I hope you can. After all you wrote "..if you speak the truth with your friend's best interests in mind, they would eventually realize that... right?" "Eventually" is the key word. Sometimes it takes a while.
sorry your day was less than wonderful. But in a way it was, which it brought you again closer to god. Thanks for sharing and you know about your friend, you would have told your children that that friend wasnt a true friend if that had happened to them. Hang tough. Satin wants to win but Good thigns and God will always win. Hugs
♥ Day's and weeks like that are SOOO hard! I feel for you! It seems like when things just aren't going right the little things that usually wouldn't be such a big deal are usually what make us snap (or almost snap)... I'm so glad you're feeling stronger and unburdened now! What a relief for you! :)
I love that you're so close to Heavenly Father and Christ! What a wonderful blessing in your lives!
have always loved how you KEEP IT real! .
And that today is a BETTER day for you!!!
Christine, I too have recently been dealing with the loss of a friendship because of my honesty. I keep telling myself oh-so-logically that "we can't have been that great friends if my honesty results in the loss of our friendship," but sadly, emotions aren't all that logical, and it took a toll on me for a little while.
Hoping and praying that you continue to be able to lay your burdens at the Lord's feet.
--Rebecca (longtime reader, but I think a first time commenter)
I can totally relate to your post today. I was telling God once again to break down my pride as I took by little guy to the Dr. again. He's been sick for 37 days and I'm getting to the end of myself, I know that's exactly where God wants me to be, but it is so HARD!
Thanks for being real.
Suzi
Hi Christine, I am so glad you were able to hand your burdens over to the Lord. I hope you are feeling better today! Blessings, Kristen
I'm so sorry about your friend, it must be so hard for you! But maybe you are right, and she wasn't your real friend after all?
I needed this today. Thank you.
If a true friend asks for your honest opinion and then drops you when it's not what she wants to hear, she's not a true friend. From reading your blog, I am sure what you said to her was in a respectful way. People don't always have to agree on something but that's OK.
Sorry about that and the spills in the house.
Christine,
I love the honesty and openess in your post today. I also love your blog. I haven't had a chance to comment earlier, but while I was sick last weekend, I spent time reading--and crying--through your blog about Dennis. I don't know how you keep up with everything you do. Well, I take that back--I DO know--with the Lord's help, of course! You are an inspiration.
Blessings,
Sue
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend".
Take care
Christine, I am so sorry to hear of your difficult week, but from my perspective - outside looking in - I think you did an awesome job.
You can NEVER be responsible for anyone's salvation other than your own. Not even your children. Salvation, and how to get there, is between the individual and God. By living and sharing your life as you do, showing others your way of living with God, you are doing all that you can... and a very good job too. You cannot tie their souls to yours and deliver them personally when you go to heaven - but I don't think your wanting to, is a bad thing ;-)
And sometimes, being firm and telling a friend the truth, even if you KNOW it will cost you the friendship... is the best thing you can possibly do as a real friend. I'll pray that your sacrifice helps your former friend.
Big hugs sis, and may next week be a little less full of the hard stuff.
I'm sorry about the lost friendship. I also am very straightforward and feel I cannot like (although I always am tactful) and it is difficult!
Friends should be able to disagree though, so you are maybe right about the friendship not being real.
But it still hurts terribly, doesn't it! (hug)
AMEN!!! God always has away of speaking to us, and getting our attention...not always fun but it always works!!!
Oh Christine, I so could have written this post. Hang in there, we all have days and weeks like this. Hold onto God, he will get you through. I finally figured out he is always there with me and HE is the one I need to look to for answers.
I think your instince was correct about your friend. A true friend would not give up on your relationship like that. ((Hugs))
Julie
What a blessing you are to me for sharing your faith. I just wanted to say that. :)
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