Is there anything more that we can do to find Alexsey a home? He was one of my "favorites" and I keep thinking about him. I cannot in good conscience stand by and let him get put in another orphanage/institution. I'm 20 so I'm not old enough to adopt him myself. I will keep praying and hopefully be able to donate too! Thank you for raising awareness about him and all the other fabulous RR kids. I just can't get his face out of my head... I wish I could go there and take care of him. -Molly
Pray, spread the word, and donate. Sounds like you're doing everything you can. I am sure God has a family for him.
Jennifer said...
Delurking to ask if you have a Sam's Club in your area? They have your playset for $1300 and free shipping!BTW I just love following your family and will continue praying for Dennis, as his next surgery approaches.
If only I had known this sooner. :) I should consult with fellow blog readers before a big purchase to make sure I've left no stone unturned. Lesson learned.
Carey and Norman said...
I also wanted you to know that Dennis and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers as you prepare for his next surgery. Dennis is such a joy and I always love hearing how special he is to all his brothers and sisters!!Also, I have a friend Sarah who has recently adopted a 6 year old boy from Russia (Vlad). He was abused in the orphanage and is having trouble now home. I thought you might be able to offer her some advice or help concerning families who've had similar experiences or I thought you might know of a therapist she could consult. I truly didn't know who else to ask but you.
Boy, coming from an abusive home is hard. While you can technically say that all of my girls have suffered physical abuse, I think there is a difference in how a child heals and deals with it depending on the circumstances of the abuse. Being hit with a belt by a drunk, desperate, out of control parent is different than being intentionally physically abused by a parent who is sober, pre-meditating, and psychologically manipulative. I have children with both backgrounds.....
I think that it is important to understand that these children have lost trust and that it is going to take alot of love, effort, praying, and time for both the child and the parent. We as parents have to be just as willing to be patient, understanding, yet persistent at encouraging our children to see and feel the difference between who we are and what their previous caretakers were. We have to allow them go through the motions, and teach them through each and every step of healing. Now that doesn't mean tolerating and being accepting of their acting out, because all children need firm, loving boundaries, but it does mean preparing yourself for the long haul....... which may be well into adulthood.
As far as seeing a therapist........ I personally don't believe that they can offer anything that my loving Heavenly Father doesn't already provide. Through Him, I am my children's therapist. Obviously with that philosophy, I am not able to offer much help with your question.
Tanya Hermansen said...
Hi Christine, I am so excited about your playground. GOOD for you for being determined to get a good deal. I am sure your kids are so EXCITED.....Hey we always follow Dennis surgeries. Would you mind if we wanted to send a little care package before his next surgery??? Nothing too extreme just something to play with and let him know that many are praying for him and his healthy recovery.
I am continually amazed how loving and giving so many of you are. You cannot even begin to imagine the ministry you are providing, not to mention the example you are setting. No, I would not mind, and I am pretty sure I could speak for Dennis by saying that he would not mind either.
Rachel said...
I can not believe how big Dennis is getting when I check out how little he looked when you 1st brought him home. I will keep him in my prayers.
Yes, he is getting to be a tank! We had another post-operative check-up yesterday and Dennis weighed almost 27 pounds! He has went from a size 9 months to a 2T in just six months.
JJ said...
Christine, I used your food bag for the homeless/needy as part of the devotional Daniel and I shared with our church's homeschool group yesterday. I wrote John 3:17 in large print to show through on the back side.
That is awesome! Thank you for sharing that with me. I am sure that many people were blessed through your devotional.
Anonymous said...
I am cheap and I come from cheap stock. My mom catches the cold shower water into a bucket to be used for other things like cleaning, watering plants, etc.
I chuckled when I read this and thought to myself, Wow--- now that is a woman after my own heart. Sadly, I weigh the work involved in doing such a thing and with my size family, I just don't think I see myself doing it. On the flip side, with my size family, there is hardly anytime for the water to get cold in between showers. Boom, boom, boom, and five girls will shower, one right after the other.
Amy said...
LOL! I cringe when my husband washes his hands at the sink and then rips off about six or seven paper towels to dry his hands.
I would too! Kind of like when I find a Pepsi can that my husband threw in the regular trash instead of the recyclable. Doesn't he know that a can is worth like three cents?
The McCollum Adoption said...
how can I buy bibs!!!!!!!!!!!!!i would need girlie colors if possible. let me know kimberley
Yes, you can buy bibs! Julia would love it if you ordered a few! Please email me at the reed8@yahoo.com. Anyone else who wants to buy them too-- feel free!
Kelli said...
That's alot. Good for him. Do you ever write to the orphanage to let them know how well he is doing ?
Yes, I email letters and pictures to our facilitator in Ukraine who then shares them with the orphanage director.
AdoptaMama said...
Love this post! My favorite is "He grumbles and complains in baby talk while holding out his hand when one of his siblings wrongs him in his opinion" I've only seen Dennis in videos you've posted, but I can totally see him doing this. The youngest and teeny-tiniest in the family, yet probably the most powerful (at least in his eyes!). ;)
Yes, it is adorable, but I can see that he is frustrated by not being able to verbalize what he wants. I bought a baby sign-language book that I am trying to teach him and the kids who are interested in learning. I wish I could say that it was going better---- but in all honesty, it is hard work. I didn't realize how much I took talking for granted.
Daniela said...
Christine, as you probably know I follow your blog pretty often. The love in your family is palpable. I can't get enough of little Dennis who melts my heart every time I see him. He is a lucky little guy to have such wonderful siblings who love him alot. i really do just want to squeeze him. I have one question for you. How, in your efforts to help other families who are having a hard time with disruption..etc, stay objective? I don't think I am that strong at all. I am in complete awe of you and your efforts to help families in crisis while raising your own family. God bless you, John and your whole family Christine. You have my complete admiration.
Thank you for your kind, encouraging words. Honestly, like all families, we are not always lovey-dovey....... but we try. On the disruption topic, it is very hard to stay objective, but I do it because sometimes it is in the best interest of the child and sometimes it is in the best interest of the parents. It always breaks my heart, and just when I think two weeks have passed without an email and I get all optimistic, I get three in one day. It is hard, but I will tell you that it has made our family stronger because my girls see that they are a permanent part of our family.
cara said...
Can you please share more about meals-what you serve, tips for cooking for a big family, ideas for meals? Can you also share more about dealing with bonding issues? Cara
This can be a post all in itself. I will hit on these ideas in future posts, but meanwhile you can go through old posts that are tagged food. I'm sure they will give you some ideas.
You can also go back and read posts that are tagged bonding. If you would like me to elaborate, I would need to know the specific issue or at least what age and gender the child is.
Tereasa said...
Priceless! So, did you give him another one?
I can't remember if I gave him another Oreo!
The Flying Eagle said...
Dear Dennis,Hi! I had my palate surgery today. And I want to thank you (and mommy) for going first and telling me everything I needed to know. It really made it so much easier. This first night is pretty tough but I know it will get better because mommy and I read your blog first and had lots of talks. I can't wait to have an oreo!!!!!Love, Garrett (dmag4.blogspot.com)PS - My mommy wants to thank your mommy too :-)
This is why I blog. Glad I was of some help. I hope Garret is feeling better.
Tina in CT said...
You don't mind their jumping from the stairs? I'd be worrying about bad falls and broken bones.
Of course I mind, but I've got to pick my battles. I am pretty sure that it is impossible to keep kids from jumping around, and as long as it is not on my couch or off the roof of our house, I am not going to worry myself sick. They know their limits, and if they don't, it will only take one broken bone for them to find out, right? Not that I want that of course. :)
Laurie said...
I could never understand a closed mind...you just lost a reader here...really.
Ask God how he feels about murder. Is His mind closed?
Anonymous said...
wow, I am so shocked at you people! First of all, there is no god. second of all there is no god. ok? got it?
Yea, I get it. Your point of view is, "Life's a bitch and then you die." I'm sorry you feel that way. Let me know if you ever would like help.
Matt + Jenn said...
Wow! That got put together fast. Good job. I'm sure the kids will all love it. Even when it was half built they were going nuts.Cousin....Uncle, whichever (uncle would be nicer since it establishes a chain of authority and respect), isn't too terribly important. What matters is that Jen and I absolutely adore the entire family as though they were our own. Wanting to be able to see them on a much more regular basis is a large part of the reason we want to move up there. As it is now, the visits are far too few and short. I always cherish my visits and getting to watch them grow. Yeah, I always leave tired from being chased, beat up, and climbed on, but I would not have it any other way. Jen and I are working hard to get our plans in order. But we can use all the encouragement and prayers we can get. I know this blog is all about the kids, but a little encouragement would go a long way at boosting our spirits. Love you all!Matt + Jen♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥(that's 13 hearts. One for each of you)
I am kind of bragging about my family here by posting this comment. This is from my wonderful cousin and his wife....... and they are trying to move up to where we live! What a blessing it will be to have them nearby. Please continue to lift them up in prayer that God will open up doors for them.
Rachel E. said...
What a neat post! Are you going to do this for all of your children?
I hope so!
mary said...
Why can't he go to parties? It seems as if you might not want him to branch out from the family.
That's not it at all. I want my kids to go out and have fun, and I do let them go to same-sex parties--- I just have not let them go to opposite-sex parties yet. Every parent is different, and some feel different ways about things, and for me, I didn't want to encourage or put them in any sort of tempting situation until we have really talked about it, and they are at an age that I feel is appropriate for my child. As a parent, I am not ready to throw my pre-teenage child a mixed-gender birthday party, and so I wonder a little about parents that will. Why rush what will eventually happen in high school? I know that sounds bad, but if one of my biggest faults is not encouraging my child to go to a same-sex party, I can handle that. Will it be chaperoned? What activities are planned? How long is it, and what time of day is the party? These are all questions that run through my head, and though I trust that my child will make good choices, I cannot say what kind of influence and environment other kids might be.
It is just hard to say that I am comfortable without really getting to know the kids my child hangs out with. It just so happens that all of this inviting is from "new" kids in a "new" town that I have not gotten the opportunity to get to know. But through church and school, this is slowly happening.
We've talked, and my kids know that thirteen is the age that I would happily consider allowing them do this, and who knows........... I may just let them do it sooner. It is not set in stone--- I have been known to be flexible.......... but since Caleb has not "begged" to go to one yet and could take it or leave it, I am not going to push him to go and I may even just flat out and honestly say, "Thanks for not making it an issue. I am sorry if your Mom is an overprotective, old fashioned worry wart, but I appreciate you not pushing to go just yet. I promise it will happen at the right time."
29 inspiring thoughts:
I think what you are doing is awesome. I guess I missed a post somewhere but wanted you to know that I think your a great mom and dad.
I think I missed something too. Not sure why there are comments about the "no God" thing. If anyone reads your blog they know where you stand in your faith and I again am proud to see you take a stand.
As for the parties...the boy/girl parties. I am proud of you for standing your ground. What are your thoughts on courting vs. dating?
I also think it is a great stand against parties and one I will think about myself. These parties are all about peer pressure in the first place and we can give our children a GIFT by giving them an excuse not to attend. By the way some really WANT an excuse. Good going.
Hi Christine. I was so glad to read the comment to the many ?s you get and I was glad to see you won't mind if we send a little care package. My email address is hermyzoo@gmail.com
You are an amazing and strong women, mother, and wife, and Daughter of GOD! Thank you so much for your example
Oh I loved reading your stand on the parties as well. At our home we don't do sleep overs. Let me tell I get some really weird looks when I explain this one, but man has it been fantastic sticking with it. There's just no way to know what other people lives are influenced by and there is no reason to place your children in situation where they are in middle of thoses influences. I understand all the way!
Hey! I also really admire you and your family. I had a question that I was hoping to get in before the next digest or whatever, but it seems I'm too late :) What are your kids favorite books/movies?
I guess I never thought about the different sex parties. Since I homeschool most of the kids that would invite mine are church friends that I wouldn't hesitate to let my children go to. Of course, we are a small church and all the ladies are like my sisters! I'm usually at the party helping out anyway, lol.
But from a point of view of not really knowing the child or family, I'm with you!
Also, regarding dating. The only one of my children that dated was my daughter, and she was a rebelious, disobedient child who has had her share of sorrows due to it. My 19, almost 20 yo son does not date (his choice at this age), he has friends that are girls, and a group of both sex teens will hang out together, but he doesn't plan on dating. He says he will court his wife, that's a blessing to me (and a relief!).
My younger children will not date either (as long as they are in my home), hanging out with friends and chaperoned is fine, until they decide to court their spouse. I'm not saying it's written in stone, but as of where I am right now and where I imagine each child's strength and weakness is, that's how we are planning it.
Hey Christine, I love reading the digests. You really put yourself out there. You have a much thicker skin than I do to be able to take criticism from people you don't even know. Keep it up, girlfriend.
Oh my goodness someone actually left a comment that there was no God. How very sad for them. It must be very scarey for them b/c they have no hope in life. To think that there is nothing when you die is a sad thought. God has blessed me in a million ways. I will pray for that person.
I love the digests! And, your kids are probably secretly relieved that you are "overprotective." I remember a few times being glad that my parents wouldn't let me do things, even though I never would have admitted it!
RE the baby signs. There is an amazing set of DVDs called "Signing Time" that teaches basic signs, and was designed for toddlers & preschoolers. We check them out at the library (for FREE)!
According to the RR website, Aleksey has found a family!! YAAYY!!!!
What's with the courting? That term went out with the dark ages. I agree that children should not date until they are mature enough. I started dating at age 16and most of the time it was with another boy and girl or group things we all did. I was far from wild and quite conservative. My parents never had to worry. I met my husband the summer before my senior year of college. He had graduated from college and was a commissioned submarine officer in the Navy (paying back our country for his NROTC scholarship for college tuition). I lived with my college roommates in an apartment an hour from where I grew up. We were responsible adults and dated once I graduated from college and dated a year and a half before marrying.
I did not have to approach the dating with my daughter as she went to a girls' private school and her life was school or competitve figure skating. Needless to say, there were mostly all girls in the sport.
I believe kids need to be given the opportunities to grow socially and not be limited or kept in a bubble. My daughter went off to study in France the winter of her junior year of high school for a month, used to go to Lake Placid for several weeks each summer to skate and stay with other girls in a skating lodge (run and operated by a mature couple that were former National champions), went away to Girl Scout camp from the age of 7. These were some of the experiences her father and I gave her. They allowed her to grow and experience wonderful opportunities. I am sure some of you don't agree but we trusted the judgements we made and hers. She was always a very mature child and turned out quite well, has an education from excellent schools and is a fantastic mom. Her father and I are proud of her.
I was raised to be independent thinking and have friends from many areas/walks of life. I think it makes me a well rounded person.
I do not mean to come across saying that my way is the only way.
Christine:
Just thought I would let you know that I have told my 12 year old daughter that dating for her is out of the question until after high school. I let her know that school was her top priority, that no 13 year old was ready to be making a commitment to another person, and that in my book, dating was something you did because you truly felt that person was the ONE that God had for you, and it was a way to get to know your future mate! We'll see how it works out...but I told her that she could certainly have lots of friends, and do lots of activitites with groups of friends, but no dating. And I am not too big on house parties...I guess I need to really KNOW the parents, to be sure they are vigilant in protecting the kids...from THEMSELVES, if necessary! So, you go, girl!
Nancy
Not sure why you are dismissing therapists. While I think Faith can be useful in guiding our behavior and responses, we also cannot know everything and possess all skills. For instance, a speech therapist would have been helpful in addressing Dennis' sign language needs. A book can be helpful but why not an actual person? I think God would "approve" when one seeks and accepts the the help of others.
I think I also missed a post, but I wanted to let you know that the comments are bullyish. I don't understand why people read and leave nasty comments. If you don't like the topic or blogger's opinions, then why read it and why post nasty comments? Oy!
Mia
Who says courting anymore??? Let me ask you a question... Your older boys are I think 13 and 12ish. In your professional oppinion what happened if one of your sons got a girl pregnant at the tender age of 14 or 15.. I would love to hear your views on that.. Or better yet what if one of your daughters got pregnant at that tender age as well. I would love to hear how you would handle it. Please don't say that you will leave it in gods hands because YES I believe in god but he is not gonna help the matter...
I think each family has to choose the right thing for them. I see a lot of people think that courting or not going to mixed parties is a terrible thing, but really, you`re the parents of YOUR kids, so you make the calls!
In our family, we won`t be allowing dating until after the boys graduate. It has NOTHING to do with whether or not we trust them, but I`ve seen with my brother-in-law just how distracting a relationship at a young age can be, no matter how "innocent". It`s just not necessary! I doubt we will go as far as courting, but my sons will know that there are other things that are more important than chasing after a girl.
Also, if we do want to send a little something for your kids, how do we do that?
please mail me i tried e-mailing you but it kept kicking it back
kimberley
papedge@aol.com
re: bibs
I had to give a little giggle when you said, "as long as they're not jumping off the roof" ... because it suddenly brought back memories of me and my cousins jumping off my grandma's roof. Yeah we did. And no we didn't break anything. Amazingly.
Like Kelly said, Aleksy seems to have found a family! I went to look for him because I was going to print out his picture to remind me to pray for him, and I couldn't find it. I started to hope, and when I saw his adorable little face and the words "my forever family found me" I had tears in my eyes.
I have to say, I didn't really start praying until I found Reeces Rainbow, and then I started to pray for these children. RR has really made me explore my faith. I actually told a complete stranger about the whole institutionalization of kids when we were talking about adoption. Now one more person knows.
Not that I think you are a bad person, a bad mother or a bad wife. In fact, I think you try as hard as you can to do what you think is right for you and your family. It seems to work great for you. This article spells out more on the foreign policy of family planning from our current President.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28812519/
This isn't about asking God about murder, but about denying a woman the right to education, contraception and the choice of aborting a pregnancy due to disease. This is about the US denying a country funding for family planning and education because the country may support abortion as an option to stop the spread of disease. This runs far deeper than Obama "allowing" abortion. This runs deeper than the Chinese abusing US funding for family planning so they can "control their population". (Which, BTW, policy will be written for those who abuse the privelage of this type of funding) This is about educating people of all walks of life, believers and non-believers about disease control and family planning responsibly. You watch, the abortion averages will drop drastically because of this education. ~
Ask yourself this: Would God not forgive a woman who had an abortion? Does God not love ALL of mankind? Would that include both believers and non-believers? Would God want us to close our minds to the spread of diseases? Would God want us to deny another human being something as simple as an education to make their own choice? That also includes the many ministries that travel to these third world countries to educate people about Christianity. Not everyone will choose Christ. Not everyone will choose a condom. Not everyone will choose abortion. But...shouldn't each and every human being have a choice to make up their own mind?
Acts 3:19 "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ who has been appointed for you - even Jesus".
~ That is...if a person believes...
I don't know, this debate will go on forever...but please don't close your mind and think that God is the only answer. God isn't the answer for millions upon millions of people in this world. So for them, an offer of education to make informed decisions doesn't seem such a horrible answer.
I had to come back one last time to express my opinion. I am not a non-believer, but I am also not closed to the idea that not everyone believes as I. Love of mankind is just that, love of mankind. The best to you Christine, try to be a better Christian and open your heart to understanding.
Religious people often wish to spread the word of God to others- and there are some atheists who wish to spread the word that God doesnt exist! Each can feel passionately about their beliefs. And each can believe that the other is sadly deluded and needs "help".
Courting is when you guard your heart for the right person and when you start the relationship, you both agree, with both sets of parents, that the goal is marriage. Christian dating is just regular dating without the premarital sex and trying to be godly to each other. We have 2 sons, each choosing one of those paths. Interestingly, after one year the courting couple is planning marriage, and after two years, so is the dating couple. So, their paths are very similar even though they will say they were different. We strongly encouraged courting, but never forbade any specific relationship paths, including sex before marriage (we just warned of its dangers). Once a child can drive, you must persuade, not dictate, IMHO. We never dictated, and now our middle schoolers are engaged in the same decisions. Thankfully, with the encouragement of their brothers, neither plans to date in high school. However, I would dictate to an FAS child or one with other impairments, for their safety. We did a LOT of persuading: books, a seminar, a supportive church and tons of discussion! Sherry in Ohio
Just now seeing the answer to my question. Thanks so much for your advice and help!
Hi- I'm only new to your blog but have read pretty much from the most recent post to this one! Let me say what an inspiration your family is and I wish you every success as you raise these children to know Jesus :)
One comment you made made me frown slightly - "As a parent, I am not ready to throw my pre-teenage child a mixed-gender birthday party, and so I wonder a little about parents that will." I'm only 21 and recently married so have no children of my own, but it also means I have only recently moved out of the family home and have very good knowledge of both being the child being parented, but also watching the children being parented! (As I am the oldest of 4).
I guess it depends on what your definition of "parties" is, but I have been going to mixed-gender parties since I was 2 years old. My playgroup, preschool and school friends would have birthday parties, and there were always several parents there (when we were very young, every child's parent was present). As I grew older, those parties naturally segregated for a while- you know, around the 9-12 age group where the other gender is just gross and who'd want to invite a BOY to their party??- but then you get past that and start making friends with the opposite gender again.
I had so many mixed-gender friends growing up that attending mixed gender parties was never a big novelty and hanging out with the opposite gender never gave the feeling of "ooooh, look, I'm hanging out with BOYS!"
I certainly respect a parent's decision, like yours, to limit their child from attending mixed-gender parties, but it slightly bothers me that you would imply a slight on parents who do not. Until I was about 15, my parents always knew my friends and their families quite well (especially as most of my closest friends were from church). It's not like I was going to a party where they wouldn't know what I was doing, who I was with, or if I had adult supervision.
I think it also means that by the time I reached 15 or 16, and started attending *more* mixed-gender parties, at an age where the whole boyfriend/girlfriend scene really comes into play, I knew how to handle myself. I had my first boyfriend at 17 and now I'm married to him.
So sure, it's your prerogative to put down certain boundaries for your kids, and at an age where your son really doesn't care whether he gets to go or not, then that's great. But I don't think there's any reason to suggest parents who don't do it your way are doing it the wrong way.
Regarding dating/courting: I don't see what the difference is in today's day and age. 'Dating' can be done with a Godly attitude and intention.
PS- let me say I love the fact you "pick your battles". I probably wouldn't want my kids jumping from the stairs coz they'd be more likely to break something ELSE, or jump on TOP of somebody, but I'm totally agreed that you have to let kids be kids. My 19-yr-old sister is a monkey who has been climbing trees her entire life and the first time she fell out of one was at the age of 16 and she broke a tiny little bone in her wrist.
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