I just have to quickly write that I am humbled by all of the thought provoking comments left on my post about "Why can't it be forever?" Especially the last couple of ones. Some of you have even requested that the dialogue continue and I am not sure that I can add as much to the conversation as some of you other adoptive parents out there.
I just want all of you to know that I really never meant to hurt anyones feelings and I hope that I haven't. I think all of you are amazing and some of your stories are such a testimony to the awesomeness of God's power to work his grace and fix what we can't.
I am so thankful that all of us want to support each other.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Kissy, cozy, and cuddly
This week John was gone on a business trip again. We managed on our own pretty well with hardly any kid issues at all. I got away with making pancakes one night, eating dinner at church on another, and serving Chinese takeout last night. Not too bad.
Just like always, I took turns letting the kids sleep with me. One night Annalyn and Rachel slept with me. It happened to be the night that Rachel overheard me talking with a friend who is going to disrupt their adoption.
I'm sure you can guess what our bedtime conversation was. With Annalyn and Rachel both joining our family through a disruption, it was nice to share conversation that wouldn't necessarily be appropriate for the other children to hear.
They both talked about how I am different from their other moms. The biggest difference that they both agree about is that I am much more affectionate with them. They said that they don't remember being kissed very often when they lived in their last familes. I told them that not all people like to be kissy, cozy, and cuddly. They both agreed that they were glad that they were here because they did like to be kissy, cozy, and cuddly.
I felt that God was speaking right through me as I talked to the girls, and we ended the conversation on a very positive note. As I was settling into the covers nestled between the both of them, Rachel said the sweetest thing to me.
"I wish you had been my only mother, Mama."
And all I can say was, "So do I."
And guess what was icing on that cake?
As I was drifting off to sleep I heard Rachel whisper to me,
"Mama, you sure look pretty when you sleep."
I smiled at her.
Just like always, I took turns letting the kids sleep with me. One night Annalyn and Rachel slept with me. It happened to be the night that Rachel overheard me talking with a friend who is going to disrupt their adoption.
I'm sure you can guess what our bedtime conversation was. With Annalyn and Rachel both joining our family through a disruption, it was nice to share conversation that wouldn't necessarily be appropriate for the other children to hear.
They both talked about how I am different from their other moms. The biggest difference that they both agree about is that I am much more affectionate with them. They said that they don't remember being kissed very often when they lived in their last familes. I told them that not all people like to be kissy, cozy, and cuddly. They both agreed that they were glad that they were here because they did like to be kissy, cozy, and cuddly.
I felt that God was speaking right through me as I talked to the girls, and we ended the conversation on a very positive note. As I was settling into the covers nestled between the both of them, Rachel said the sweetest thing to me.
"I wish you had been my only mother, Mama."
And all I can say was, "So do I."
And guess what was icing on that cake?
As I was drifting off to sleep I heard Rachel whisper to me,
"Mama, you sure look pretty when you sleep."
I smiled at her.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Bathtime
William and Andrew still love to play in the tub. They love laying in the the water like this. They also like playing with washclothes and cups...... oh, and I forgot to mention how much they like to make soup.
William is now taking showers on his own most of the time, so I am happy when he asks to take a bath. I just don't want him to grow up too soon. Before I know it, he will be too old for bath fun.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Why can't it be forever?
I couldn't help but post about this. Right now, this topic is all around me. Not only did an adoptive family that we met back when we adopted Anna and Sveta call me the other day to talk, but I also had another friend call me just today to talk to me about the same thing.
What did they call to talk to me about? Disruption. That's what.
I know that I have availed myself to people who are having hard times with their adopted children, but it doesn't take the shock out of finding out yet another family is ready to disrupt.
The thought of a family being split because the child has not yet learned how to be a part of a family just breaks my heart. No matter how much I understand the reasons behind the parents decision to disrupt it doesn't make the fact that they are essentially rejecting the child any less truthful. Disruption sucks any way you look at it.
Try and look at this way. Just like when a woman gets out of an abusive relationship, it sucks that the relationship turned that way in the first place even if she gets out of it and moves on to later get married to a wonderful man. Had that first man treated her right, that would have been the ideal situation. Same with an adoption. Even though a child can move onto a second or even third family and heal and be happy, it would have been better for the child to live a good life with the first family.
Do you see where I am coming from?
When we adopted our girls, we knew it was forever. F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Sure, I went through a bout of post-partum depression while still in Russia where had it not been for my wonderful husband, I might have attempted to come home by myself, but even then, I knew that part of how I was feeling was out of selfishness.
It is strange how part of the reason we want to adopt a child is the same exact reason some of us end up disrupting the adoption. Though we may choose to adopt because we want to make the world a better place, or we want to help a child, or we want to do what God calls us to do, I really think that we adopt for selfish reasons too. Afterall, we are human and our desire to have a child just for the sake of being a mom or dad plays a vital role in us choosing to have children at all. If that isn't selfish, then I don't know what is. So like I said, here we adopt for selfish reasons (even if it is only 10%), and then because our live doesn't go as planned once we have adopted, we want to claim it back and dissolve the adoption we selfishly wanted in the first place. Isn't it kind of ironic?
As you are reading this, you may have already come to the conclusion that I don't really like families that decide to disrupt. If I look deep inside myself, part of that is probably true. But the real reason this may be the way I feel deep down inside is because I am thinking first of the child, not the parents. The parents are adults, and the children, well, are just children. I think my friend says it best when she says, "I'm here for the child.... since the parents aren't going to advocate for the child, if I don't, no one else will."
Take my daughters for example. Two of them joined our family because their first adoptive family dissolved their adoption. Both for reasons that I fully understand, had these reasons been avoided in the first place, my girls would still be with their first family. But see, I know that they were meant to be our daughters. Just like I know Anna and Sveta were meant to be our daughters. The adoptive family that disrupts a child is really no different than the birth family who couldn't care for their children in the first place. Why don't we judge our children's birth family as much as we judge disrupting families?
Now, I am not saying that I wish my daughter's could be with their previous familes, I believe with all my heart that they were meant to be with us, but------- it sure would have been nice to save them from all of the rejection and heartache that is going to take years to fully heal.
Just because I personally wouldn't disrupt any of our daughter's adoptions doesn't mean that I don't have a heart for others who are facing this decision or that I wouldn't be their friend. In fact, I am good friends with one of my daughter's previous families. Though I would have made their adoption work and it is working now in our family, I know that most disrupting families think they have tried with all of their might to do what was humanly possible to make their adoption work. Though their effort may drastically differ from mine, I cannot judge or condemn them for their efforts just because a child is being rejected in the process. Who am I to judge?
Plus, given the issues that are going on, and the inability for the parents to bond with the child, I often think that the child deserves a fresh start and the chance to be loved by a family that is better equipped to help the child heal and grow to love their family. We all have different gifts and talents, and most adoptive parents go into adoption with the best intentions and if they aren't able to make it work, I think it's unfair to judge them when they admit it. Afterall, it takes a lot for a parent to admit that they aren't able to make the adoption work.
Though I feel this way, I still think of the child above all else. I don't think that my taking the child's side has to result in me disliking the adoptive family. I can just dislike what it is that they are doing even though I know deep down they are probably doing the right thing. It just doesn't seem like the right thing at the time because of how sad the rejection part of it seems.
I think that disruptions are caused more by a parent's inability to attach then to the child's ability. Oh, I'm sure that parents are initially very invested in their child but as time goes on and the child acts out, it is hard for a parent to forgive the child for whatever it is they did. This makes loving the child harder and harder and the parent and child end up feeding off one another's animosity towards each other. If this is happening in the home, I do feel it is best for the child to be rehomed into a family that has the ability to love them the way a child should be loved.
As I close, I want to make perfectly clear my stance on disruption since I have adopted twice from a disruption and I have helped quite a few people wanting to disrupt and wanting to adopt from a dirsuption. Disruption sucks. If it could be avoided that is the ultimate outcome. If it can't be avoided for some reason, then I want to help take a sucky situation and make it into something that with God's help can me made into something absolutely wonderful.
I will not judge anyone thinking about disruption though it may appear that I am taking the child's side. I will take the child's side above the parents just because no one else will at this point. Though I personally don't agree with the choice of disruption, I will not judge or make the disrupting family feel terrible for their choice. Though I may think that there is more that you could do to try to make it work, I will probably agree that you have given all that you possibly can.
If a family feels like disrupting and they don't, I just think the child is going to suffer. If the family feels like they haven't given it their all and they are willing to keep trying, their is hope and I want to help them give their all in order to make it work because that is the first choice in my opinion.
Food for thought
My daughter overheard me talking to my friend who is thinking of disrupting. She asked me about it later. When I told her that the family was thinking about disrupting, Rachel asked me, "I thought that you said that people don't give away their kids?"
"No Rachel, what I said is that I won't ever give away my kids."
That whole day she was on her best behavior and apologetic about the smallest things. I had to further talk to her about me noticing this perfect behavior and reinforce to her once again that she was her in our family forever. Though, she is doing quite well right now, I don't know when she will have complete confidence that she will always be a part of this family. I'm not sure she will ever have 100% confidence.
What did they call to talk to me about? Disruption. That's what.
I know that I have availed myself to people who are having hard times with their adopted children, but it doesn't take the shock out of finding out yet another family is ready to disrupt.
The thought of a family being split because the child has not yet learned how to be a part of a family just breaks my heart. No matter how much I understand the reasons behind the parents decision to disrupt it doesn't make the fact that they are essentially rejecting the child any less truthful. Disruption sucks any way you look at it.
Try and look at this way. Just like when a woman gets out of an abusive relationship, it sucks that the relationship turned that way in the first place even if she gets out of it and moves on to later get married to a wonderful man. Had that first man treated her right, that would have been the ideal situation. Same with an adoption. Even though a child can move onto a second or even third family and heal and be happy, it would have been better for the child to live a good life with the first family.
Do you see where I am coming from?
When we adopted our girls, we knew it was forever. F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Sure, I went through a bout of post-partum depression while still in Russia where had it not been for my wonderful husband, I might have attempted to come home by myself, but even then, I knew that part of how I was feeling was out of selfishness.
It is strange how part of the reason we want to adopt a child is the same exact reason some of us end up disrupting the adoption. Though we may choose to adopt because we want to make the world a better place, or we want to help a child, or we want to do what God calls us to do, I really think that we adopt for selfish reasons too. Afterall, we are human and our desire to have a child just for the sake of being a mom or dad plays a vital role in us choosing to have children at all. If that isn't selfish, then I don't know what is. So like I said, here we adopt for selfish reasons (even if it is only 10%), and then because our live doesn't go as planned once we have adopted, we want to claim it back and dissolve the adoption we selfishly wanted in the first place. Isn't it kind of ironic?
As you are reading this, you may have already come to the conclusion that I don't really like families that decide to disrupt. If I look deep inside myself, part of that is probably true. But the real reason this may be the way I feel deep down inside is because I am thinking first of the child, not the parents. The parents are adults, and the children, well, are just children. I think my friend says it best when she says, "I'm here for the child.... since the parents aren't going to advocate for the child, if I don't, no one else will."
Take my daughters for example. Two of them joined our family because their first adoptive family dissolved their adoption. Both for reasons that I fully understand, had these reasons been avoided in the first place, my girls would still be with their first family. But see, I know that they were meant to be our daughters. Just like I know Anna and Sveta were meant to be our daughters. The adoptive family that disrupts a child is really no different than the birth family who couldn't care for their children in the first place. Why don't we judge our children's birth family as much as we judge disrupting families?
Now, I am not saying that I wish my daughter's could be with their previous familes, I believe with all my heart that they were meant to be with us, but------- it sure would have been nice to save them from all of the rejection and heartache that is going to take years to fully heal.
Just because I personally wouldn't disrupt any of our daughter's adoptions doesn't mean that I don't have a heart for others who are facing this decision or that I wouldn't be their friend. In fact, I am good friends with one of my daughter's previous families. Though I would have made their adoption work and it is working now in our family, I know that most disrupting families think they have tried with all of their might to do what was humanly possible to make their adoption work. Though their effort may drastically differ from mine, I cannot judge or condemn them for their efforts just because a child is being rejected in the process. Who am I to judge?
Plus, given the issues that are going on, and the inability for the parents to bond with the child, I often think that the child deserves a fresh start and the chance to be loved by a family that is better equipped to help the child heal and grow to love their family. We all have different gifts and talents, and most adoptive parents go into adoption with the best intentions and if they aren't able to make it work, I think it's unfair to judge them when they admit it. Afterall, it takes a lot for a parent to admit that they aren't able to make the adoption work.
Though I feel this way, I still think of the child above all else. I don't think that my taking the child's side has to result in me disliking the adoptive family. I can just dislike what it is that they are doing even though I know deep down they are probably doing the right thing. It just doesn't seem like the right thing at the time because of how sad the rejection part of it seems.
I think that disruptions are caused more by a parent's inability to attach then to the child's ability. Oh, I'm sure that parents are initially very invested in their child but as time goes on and the child acts out, it is hard for a parent to forgive the child for whatever it is they did. This makes loving the child harder and harder and the parent and child end up feeding off one another's animosity towards each other. If this is happening in the home, I do feel it is best for the child to be rehomed into a family that has the ability to love them the way a child should be loved.
As I close, I want to make perfectly clear my stance on disruption since I have adopted twice from a disruption and I have helped quite a few people wanting to disrupt and wanting to adopt from a dirsuption. Disruption sucks. If it could be avoided that is the ultimate outcome. If it can't be avoided for some reason, then I want to help take a sucky situation and make it into something that with God's help can me made into something absolutely wonderful.
I will not judge anyone thinking about disruption though it may appear that I am taking the child's side. I will take the child's side above the parents just because no one else will at this point. Though I personally don't agree with the choice of disruption, I will not judge or make the disrupting family feel terrible for their choice. Though I may think that there is more that you could do to try to make it work, I will probably agree that you have given all that you possibly can.
If a family feels like disrupting and they don't, I just think the child is going to suffer. If the family feels like they haven't given it their all and they are willing to keep trying, their is hope and I want to help them give their all in order to make it work because that is the first choice in my opinion.
Food for thought
My daughter overheard me talking to my friend who is thinking of disrupting. She asked me about it later. When I told her that the family was thinking about disrupting, Rachel asked me, "I thought that you said that people don't give away their kids?"
"No Rachel, what I said is that I won't ever give away my kids."
That whole day she was on her best behavior and apologetic about the smallest things. I had to further talk to her about me noticing this perfect behavior and reinforce to her once again that she was her in our family forever. Though, she is doing quite well right now, I don't know when she will have complete confidence that she will always be a part of this family. I'm not sure she will ever have 100% confidence.
Monday, February 25, 2008
A quick snip
I really didn't feel like cutting Annalyn's hair tonight. Besides being tired, I just wasn't eager too do something that she really wanted when the past week has been a little rough, if you know what I mean. But I did it anyways. I just couldn't bring myself to not cut her hair. It felt too much like revenge to me, so I made her day and cut her bangs.
Afterwards, she begged me to dry her hair. When a haircut and blow dry can bring on such a big smile, I have to admit that it was worth it.
"I look so much younger, Mama!"
Afterwards, she begged me to dry her hair. When a haircut and blow dry can bring on such a big smile, I have to admit that it was worth it.
"I look so much younger, Mama!"
Can I have some ice?
For all of you that have adopted from Russia and Ukraine you will so find the little factoid at the end of my story quite interesting if you experienced what we did.
Well, you know how people in those countries are not big fans of ice, right?
Can you relate to the strange looks that we got from restaurant helpers everytime we asked for ice in our drink? In fact, when we were at a McMaster in Ivanovo, everyone behind the counter had a field day making fun of us because we asked for more ice in our soda. We could tell how foreign that request was to them when one of them reached in the ice bin with their bare hands (yes, bare hands) to fetch out one chunk (yes, only one) to plop into our soda. All we could think to say was, "E-show. Bolshoy lyot!" And all we got was these weird faces like we were absolutely crazy. They just gave us ice and yet we were asking for more? Well, as a matter of fact yes, we would like more ice. As we got our meal to sit down, my husband looked down disappointingly----- his one chunk of ice had already melted. So much for a nice cold Coca-Cola.
Well given that impression we took home with us, it is amazing to watch all four of our Russian daughters chomp on ice like it is candy. All night long until bedtime they like to sneak it out of the freezer to eat. Brrrrr. Anna just walked past me sucking on an ice cube.
Well, you know how people in those countries are not big fans of ice, right?
Can you relate to the strange looks that we got from restaurant helpers everytime we asked for ice in our drink? In fact, when we were at a McMaster in Ivanovo, everyone behind the counter had a field day making fun of us because we asked for more ice in our soda. We could tell how foreign that request was to them when one of them reached in the ice bin with their bare hands (yes, bare hands) to fetch out one chunk (yes, only one) to plop into our soda. All we could think to say was, "E-show. Bolshoy lyot!" And all we got was these weird faces like we were absolutely crazy. They just gave us ice and yet we were asking for more? Well, as a matter of fact yes, we would like more ice. As we got our meal to sit down, my husband looked down disappointingly----- his one chunk of ice had already melted. So much for a nice cold Coca-Cola.
Well given that impression we took home with us, it is amazing to watch all four of our Russian daughters chomp on ice like it is candy. All night long until bedtime they like to sneak it out of the freezer to eat. Brrrrr. Anna just walked past me sucking on an ice cube.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Fashion designing
It has been so rainy here for the last month. Today the girls passed a good hour of time designing paper outfits.
Julia's shirt and pants are very hip.
Anna's pants would be perfect for Hannah Montana.
Rachel just couldn't make up her mind. There is just too much to choose from. Too bad that their attitudes towards each other wasn't actually as nice as the pictures portray. Being couped up in the house can make a bunch of girls extra "grumpy" at each other.
Julia's shirt and pants are very hip.
Anna's pants would be perfect for Hannah Montana.
Rachel just couldn't make up her mind. There is just too much to choose from. Too bad that their attitudes towards each other wasn't actually as nice as the pictures portray. Being couped up in the house can make a bunch of girls extra "grumpy" at each other.
Friday, February 22, 2008
My little laundry helper
Jonny helped me fold the upstairs laundry. He was so helpful!
Here he is getting the laundry out. "Mama, I'm little so I can reach better."
I couldn't resist taking these pictures. Look at how Jonny is folding the socks. He thought that he was being the biggest helper to me. And he was!
I'll come back and match and fold the socks while he is taking his nap. I didn't want him to think that he hadn't done it right because he was so proud of himself.
Here he is getting the laundry out. "Mama, I'm little so I can reach better."
I couldn't resist taking these pictures. Look at how Jonny is folding the socks. He thought that he was being the biggest helper to me. And he was!
I'll come back and match and fold the socks while he is taking his nap. I didn't want him to think that he hadn't done it right because he was so proud of himself.
Spring, sweet milk, and speech
As I sit here drinking my hot water, I realized that I am still cold. I just raised the temperature on the thermostat to 72 degrees, hoping that will take the chill out. My poor kids. Ha ha. They are walking to school. Now that is cold. I guess I shouldn't complain ----- but I just hate the cold. Ever since I planted my flowers, it has been rainy or overcast. Ugh. Here's to hoping that the weekend reeks of Spring. I wouldn't mind.
"Mom, can I have the can?" asked Anna.
"Yeah mama, can I have the spoon?" chimed in Annalyn.
Today we had waffles for breakfast and since we always have them with sweet milk, there is always a spoon that I use to drizzle it on to lick afterwards. The spoon is so yummy with all of that sticky sweetness coating it. It is worth asking for. So is the can. So today, my lucky winners were Anna and Annalyn. Sorry Rachel, you have to ask quicker next time.
School is going well for all of the kids. Not a one is failing any classes or even getting a C or lower. Sure you can say technically that Sveta is if you compared her to the average student in her class, but based on her ability, she is doing awesome! She is learning to subtract by borrowing (regrouping). It is amazing how much Touch Point Math has helped her... I thought it would only confuse her.
Rachel is getting some extra speech help. She has a thick accent that makes her F's and V's hard to hear. She spells of-ove. I think it is a problem worth addressing, as does the speech teacher, but she says that Rachel may always have this accent and no amount of speech therapy can fix that. Sigh. That means extra work for Rachel because she has to learn how to spell even more words from memory rather than sounding them out. But you never know, the speech therapy may help more than the teacher thinks. I'm optimistic.
Jonny is going to pick up another day of speech because I think he really needs it. The speech teacher agrees thankfully. She is calling it ---- transitioning into kindergarten. I hope by kindergarten he can taper back off to one session so that he doesn't miss alot of class.
"Mom, can I have the can?" asked Anna.
"Yeah mama, can I have the spoon?" chimed in Annalyn.
Today we had waffles for breakfast and since we always have them with sweet milk, there is always a spoon that I use to drizzle it on to lick afterwards. The spoon is so yummy with all of that sticky sweetness coating it. It is worth asking for. So is the can. So today, my lucky winners were Anna and Annalyn. Sorry Rachel, you have to ask quicker next time.
School is going well for all of the kids. Not a one is failing any classes or even getting a C or lower. Sure you can say technically that Sveta is if you compared her to the average student in her class, but based on her ability, she is doing awesome! She is learning to subtract by borrowing (regrouping). It is amazing how much Touch Point Math has helped her... I thought it would only confuse her.
Rachel is getting some extra speech help. She has a thick accent that makes her F's and V's hard to hear. She spells of-ove. I think it is a problem worth addressing, as does the speech teacher, but she says that Rachel may always have this accent and no amount of speech therapy can fix that. Sigh. That means extra work for Rachel because she has to learn how to spell even more words from memory rather than sounding them out. But you never know, the speech therapy may help more than the teacher thinks. I'm optimistic.
Jonny is going to pick up another day of speech because I think he really needs it. The speech teacher agrees thankfully. She is calling it ---- transitioning into kindergarten. I hope by kindergarten he can taper back off to one session so that he doesn't miss alot of class.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
It's just Wednesday
Last night I happened to walk outside and saw a snail near my newly planted flowers. My beloved pantsies were under attack! I did the unthinkable. I picked up that snail and flung it across the yard into the street, CRACK!!!! (I know I'm mean) then I went and grabbed the snail bait. There is no way they are going to eat my beautiful flowers before I've gotten a chance to enjoy them.
On another note, this morning went very well! I didn't even raise my voice once, and for me that is no small feat. Too bad Jonny is sick again. I spent a good part of the night taking care of him. You know how a fever can make a kid kind of delirious, talking in their sleep, opening and closing their eyes, nodding on and off because they can't get comfortable. That was him. He just can't seem to catch a break from sickness this winter. My poor little guy. I guess no preschool for him.
Lastly, I have taken out chicken breasts for dinner. Unless I get some creative ideas left by my wonderful blogger friends on what to make for dinner with them, I will probably just season them with garlic salt and bake them. Sounds creative, huh?
On another note, this morning went very well! I didn't even raise my voice once, and for me that is no small feat. Too bad Jonny is sick again. I spent a good part of the night taking care of him. You know how a fever can make a kid kind of delirious, talking in their sleep, opening and closing their eyes, nodding on and off because they can't get comfortable. That was him. He just can't seem to catch a break from sickness this winter. My poor little guy. I guess no preschool for him.
Lastly, I have taken out chicken breasts for dinner. Unless I get some creative ideas left by my wonderful blogger friends on what to make for dinner with them, I will probably just season them with garlic salt and bake them. Sounds creative, huh?
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Bring it on
This is probably one of my more negative posts..... I just feel the need to put my thoughts..... I mean frustrations on paper.
I have one daughter who is either totally unaware of her surroundings or intentionally finds ways to irritate me. Take this morning. I was packing lunches and asked her to clean off the table. She comes up to me while eating a handful of cereal and accidently (I hope) drops one right in front of me. Everyone in the kitchen hears it drop, she looks down, shrugs, then keeps on eating her cereal as if nothing happened. First off, she knows that I have told her not to eat cereal like that because it takes her focus off of other things and gives her something to do other than what I have asked. Second, she knows that a common sense rule in our house is that if you drop something you pick it up. So why did she come right up to me eating the cereal and then not pick it up when she dropped it?
After yet another lecture (I admit that it is time for something new), I had her load most of the dishes. This did not go without stalling and complaints too--- so much that she got her older sister to do more than half of the job. Ugh.
I just haven't found the best way to get through to this child. I feel helpless to get through to her at times---- if I only could, I think she would be so much happier and so would I. I am dedicated to her no matter what but I still have to be honest with myself. There are days that I feel resentful that she makes me feel like a faliure. Sometimes I feel like I am failing her as a mother. Then I look at my other kids and know that that is not the case. She is just going to be my challenging one I guess. Doesn't every family need a child like this to keep things exciting? ;)
Thankfully, and friends can vouch for me, I have a "Bring it on" attitude! If it weren't for this attitude, I would have already been toast by now. ;)
I have one daughter who is either totally unaware of her surroundings or intentionally finds ways to irritate me. Take this morning. I was packing lunches and asked her to clean off the table. She comes up to me while eating a handful of cereal and accidently (I hope) drops one right in front of me. Everyone in the kitchen hears it drop, she looks down, shrugs, then keeps on eating her cereal as if nothing happened. First off, she knows that I have told her not to eat cereal like that because it takes her focus off of other things and gives her something to do other than what I have asked. Second, she knows that a common sense rule in our house is that if you drop something you pick it up. So why did she come right up to me eating the cereal and then not pick it up when she dropped it?
After yet another lecture (I admit that it is time for something new), I had her load most of the dishes. This did not go without stalling and complaints too--- so much that she got her older sister to do more than half of the job. Ugh.
I just haven't found the best way to get through to this child. I feel helpless to get through to her at times---- if I only could, I think she would be so much happier and so would I. I am dedicated to her no matter what but I still have to be honest with myself. There are days that I feel resentful that she makes me feel like a faliure. Sometimes I feel like I am failing her as a mother. Then I look at my other kids and know that that is not the case. She is just going to be my challenging one I guess. Doesn't every family need a child like this to keep things exciting? ;)
Thankfully, and friends can vouch for me, I have a "Bring it on" attitude! If it weren't for this attitude, I would have already been toast by now. ;)
Monday, February 18, 2008
A Trip to the Snow with Dad
John took eight of the kids to the snow today! I helped bundle them up so that they could go have some Daddy fun time. They found the best spot for sledding and sliding. I stayed home with Adam (had a birthday party to go to) and Caleb (who is getting over the flu) because I really just can't stand the cold. Instead, I planted two flats of flowers in my front yard. :)
Having a picnic in the snow!
Jonny and Rachel waiting to slide down a rock!
Anna making a snow angel.
Here is a 2 minute video I put together of all the mini-movies John took of the kids.
Having a picnic in the snow!
Jonny and Rachel waiting to slide down a rock!
Anna making a snow angel.
Here is a 2 minute video I put together of all the mini-movies John took of the kids.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
My kids don't live in an orphanage
"If you adopt any more kids then your house is going to be like an orphanage. What good will that do for the kids you are trying to get out of the orphanage?" I have heard these words a couple of times in the last few years. Sadly, I even got sentiments like this when we were growing our family the traditional way. Each child that we had, brought out more comments. The people who made the comments thought we were shortchanging our kids by not spending enough money or one on one time with them. Little does anyone who makes these kinds of comments know how hurtful it is to hear things like this.
Sooooooo, I have decided to post about this, not because I am upset or even irritated by these thoughtless comments, but more to just share my view on why I think our home is nothing like an orphanage. It really isn't.
As soon as we started the adoption process, we learned that kids are quickly labeled, and if they happen to have special needs they are considered unworthy of being helped medically, academically, or emotionally. They really are just set aside and shuffled through the system, given little to no attention or effort. Rather than celebrating the child's strengths and getting them the appropriate help, they are basically sent off to some institution because society thinks they have nothing to contribute.
This is so not the case with my kids. In fact it is just the opposite for all of our children. I have both biological and adopted children with some special needs, and we have advocated for them so that they can be the best people they can be! We aren't trying to judge them because of what we think they can't do........... we are giving them the opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest.
In an orphanage, the children's days are numbered most times expected to go out on their own by the tender age of sixteen. Hardly equipped to handle the responsibility of adulthood not to mention what it takes to make and keep healthy relationships, children from orphanages are not prepared to live on their own when they are an adult let alone sixteen. Whether John and I are raising two, five, or twelve children we are never going to expect them to fly without teaching them first. Sixteen is an age where children are very influential and we actually want them around us as much as possible. I hope they will still think we are cool in a couple of years.
In an orphanage you have a group of children brought together because their was no other option with a few caretakers who may or may not want to be there to care for them. With very few resources and very little individual attention, the children are probably very needy. When a child is chosen and brought into a home with lots of resources and lots of love, the difference is clear as day and night. John and I have chosen our family.... each and every child has been welcomed into our home, and they do not feel like a burden to us.... just the opposite, we feel that each and every one of them are a blessing a from God.
The more love a child gets, the less needy they become as they learn to enjoy day to day life because they know at the end of it they have a loving family to sit down with and have dinner with. The uncertainity of what kind of attention, love, and food they are going to receive from day to day in an orphanage is replaced with daily love and nurturing where each of their needs are met daily.
Our family is all about unity, co-dependency on each other rather than the fend for yourself mentality in an orphanage. Many times, my girls have told me how they had to hide food under their pillow or steal something just to make sure that they wouldn't go without. They don't have to live like that here.
I admit that our children probably don't get as much as other children do, but they certainly get much, much more than a child in an orphanage. In fact, they would tell you that they have all that they really want and need. One more video game, one more pair of skates, three more pairs of jeans, a couple more presents on their birthday....... is it really necessary? What does that do for a child except maybe make them spoiled rotten and unappreciative of what they have. Honestly, as it is, I think my kids, in actuality, have way too much, still.
Oh, and about that one on one time argument....... we try to make sure our kids get individualized attention on a regular basis. Even with ten kids, we spend more time with our kids than my own parents (mainly my father) spent with only my sister and I. Because of our larger family, I think John and I are more aware of us needing to make sure we spend enough one on one time with each of our kids. Make sense? John takes each of the kids out for a special breakfast on their birthday. I go shopping with just one or two kids so that I get one on one time with them. When John is out of town I take turns sleeping with the kids. We give individual homework time and lots of time talking to them about school and friends.
In addition to spending individual time with each of them, we think it is just as important to spend quality family time with all the kids together watching a movie, playing a game, going roller-skating, going on a walk, etc. It is very important for our kids to learn to rely on each other because family is all they really have. If they can't depend on each other and learn to enjoy each others company, then how are they going to learn to get along with people in the outside world? In an orphanage, it just didn't matter. This level of relationship building is never taught or modeled in an institution where basic needs are barely met let alone relationship building skills taught.
Our home is full of love because each person in our family is what makes our family our family. Whether we have four children or ten children, it doesn't matter because they are each wanted equally, and are considered a gift from our Heavenly Father. He tells us that children are a blessing, and if John and I get some criticism for wanting many of God's blessings, we'll take the heat.
Sooooooo, I have decided to post about this, not because I am upset or even irritated by these thoughtless comments, but more to just share my view on why I think our home is nothing like an orphanage. It really isn't.
As soon as we started the adoption process, we learned that kids are quickly labeled, and if they happen to have special needs they are considered unworthy of being helped medically, academically, or emotionally. They really are just set aside and shuffled through the system, given little to no attention or effort. Rather than celebrating the child's strengths and getting them the appropriate help, they are basically sent off to some institution because society thinks they have nothing to contribute.
This is so not the case with my kids. In fact it is just the opposite for all of our children. I have both biological and adopted children with some special needs, and we have advocated for them so that they can be the best people they can be! We aren't trying to judge them because of what we think they can't do........... we are giving them the opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest.
In an orphanage, the children's days are numbered most times expected to go out on their own by the tender age of sixteen. Hardly equipped to handle the responsibility of adulthood not to mention what it takes to make and keep healthy relationships, children from orphanages are not prepared to live on their own when they are an adult let alone sixteen. Whether John and I are raising two, five, or twelve children we are never going to expect them to fly without teaching them first. Sixteen is an age where children are very influential and we actually want them around us as much as possible. I hope they will still think we are cool in a couple of years.
In an orphanage you have a group of children brought together because their was no other option with a few caretakers who may or may not want to be there to care for them. With very few resources and very little individual attention, the children are probably very needy. When a child is chosen and brought into a home with lots of resources and lots of love, the difference is clear as day and night. John and I have chosen our family.... each and every child has been welcomed into our home, and they do not feel like a burden to us.... just the opposite, we feel that each and every one of them are a blessing a from God.
The more love a child gets, the less needy they become as they learn to enjoy day to day life because they know at the end of it they have a loving family to sit down with and have dinner with. The uncertainity of what kind of attention, love, and food they are going to receive from day to day in an orphanage is replaced with daily love and nurturing where each of their needs are met daily.
Our family is all about unity, co-dependency on each other rather than the fend for yourself mentality in an orphanage. Many times, my girls have told me how they had to hide food under their pillow or steal something just to make sure that they wouldn't go without. They don't have to live like that here.
I admit that our children probably don't get as much as other children do, but they certainly get much, much more than a child in an orphanage. In fact, they would tell you that they have all that they really want and need. One more video game, one more pair of skates, three more pairs of jeans, a couple more presents on their birthday....... is it really necessary? What does that do for a child except maybe make them spoiled rotten and unappreciative of what they have. Honestly, as it is, I think my kids, in actuality, have way too much, still.
Oh, and about that one on one time argument....... we try to make sure our kids get individualized attention on a regular basis. Even with ten kids, we spend more time with our kids than my own parents (mainly my father) spent with only my sister and I. Because of our larger family, I think John and I are more aware of us needing to make sure we spend enough one on one time with each of our kids. Make sense? John takes each of the kids out for a special breakfast on their birthday. I go shopping with just one or two kids so that I get one on one time with them. When John is out of town I take turns sleeping with the kids. We give individual homework time and lots of time talking to them about school and friends.
In addition to spending individual time with each of them, we think it is just as important to spend quality family time with all the kids together watching a movie, playing a game, going roller-skating, going on a walk, etc. It is very important for our kids to learn to rely on each other because family is all they really have. If they can't depend on each other and learn to enjoy each others company, then how are they going to learn to get along with people in the outside world? In an orphanage, it just didn't matter. This level of relationship building is never taught or modeled in an institution where basic needs are barely met let alone relationship building skills taught.
Our home is full of love because each person in our family is what makes our family our family. Whether we have four children or ten children, it doesn't matter because they are each wanted equally, and are considered a gift from our Heavenly Father. He tells us that children are a blessing, and if John and I get some criticism for wanting many of God's blessings, we'll take the heat.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
I love you as much as......
This was a Valentine poem that William wrote to me.
I love you like a bear loves honey.
I love you like a puppy with its ball.
I love you as much as a hotdog with its bun.
I love you as much as chocolate ice-cream with its cone.
I love you as much as a kid with its parents.
Frosting Facial
Everyone gave Anna the frosting from their cupcake. While Anna did this, Dad winked to Rachel to do this!
Anna got a tinted red facial! Yummy!
Valentine's Puzzle
Jonny had his pre-school Valentine's party yesterday. The teacher gave each of the children a new puzzle. Jonny and I worked on it this morning. He amazed me at how well he put it together. Usually young kids (and Sveta) turn the pieces around and try to fit them together when they obviously don't go that way, yet Jonny consistently put the piece in the right way. He already knows all of his letters and numbers and can recognize certain words. He will do so well in kindergarten.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The other white meat
Last night I made pork fajitas. Pork sirloin roast cut into small pieces sauteed in olive oil with onions, bell peppers, and mushrooms seasoned with garlic salt, pepper, and cumin.
When you warm up the tortillas on the stove, they are always mistaken for homemade.
Dress up boxed cake mix with a homemade butter frosting. Decadent!
Lovely picture, huh? If only Adam liked being in the pictures as much as he likes taking them.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
From a friend
This morning was a brand new day and I was so encouraged to read all of your comments. I couldn't ask for more uplifitng words and you know what, you guys were right. I have no doubt in my mind that my daughter forgives me. Thank you so much.
I was especially moved by this prayer sent to me by my good friend Laurel. I left off the last paragraph that said to email this to 11 people... instead I decided to share it with you. I have highlighted the parts that spoke especially to me. If anything speaks out to you, please leave a comment. I think it is awesome to see the same exact prayer or sermon speak differently to different people based on what their need is. Feel free to post this prayer on your blog.
Dear Lord,
I thank You for this day, I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and wimper over things I have no control over. And give the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than you God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them.
God I love you and I need you, come into my heart, please.
I was especially moved by this prayer sent to me by my good friend Laurel. I left off the last paragraph that said to email this to 11 people... instead I decided to share it with you. I have highlighted the parts that spoke especially to me. If anything speaks out to you, please leave a comment. I think it is awesome to see the same exact prayer or sermon speak differently to different people based on what their need is. Feel free to post this prayer on your blog.
Dear Lord,
I thank You for this day, I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and wimper over things I have no control over. And give the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than you God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them.
God I love you and I need you, come into my heart, please.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Mom, can I ask you something?
Last night, Rachel asked me a very good question. I am not sure where it came from but I answered her from my heart.
"Mom, is it true that parents love children that come out of their bellies more?"
"Rachel, I suppose it is true. I think that most people only think about having children that come from their bellies because they don't know much about adoption. Most people have babies that come out of their tummies. Daddy and I chose to have children that came out of my tummy and some that we adopted that came from all the way across the world like you. :) For us, we love all of you equally. We found that out early on, and that is why we are adopting again. If when we adopted, we found that we didn't love you as much as the children that came from my belly, then why would we do it again?
Some people don't adopt because they know that they can't love a child that doesn't come from their belly, and some choose to only adopt because they don't want children to come from their belly. All people are different and that means that there are probably some people out there that have children that were adopted and some that came from their belly, and they love the one that came from their belly more. It is very sad, but I want to tell you the truth. But, that is not how Daddy and I feel. We love all of you the same and that is why we are adopting again. Besides, it doesn't really matter how a family was made, it just matters that they are now a family."
Rachel seemed really content with the answer even though it was long winded.
"Mom, is it true that parents love children that come out of their bellies more?"
"Rachel, I suppose it is true. I think that most people only think about having children that come from their bellies because they don't know much about adoption. Most people have babies that come out of their tummies. Daddy and I chose to have children that came out of my tummy and some that we adopted that came from all the way across the world like you. :) For us, we love all of you equally. We found that out early on, and that is why we are adopting again. If when we adopted, we found that we didn't love you as much as the children that came from my belly, then why would we do it again?
Some people don't adopt because they know that they can't love a child that doesn't come from their belly, and some choose to only adopt because they don't want children to come from their belly. All people are different and that means that there are probably some people out there that have children that were adopted and some that came from their belly, and they love the one that came from their belly more. It is very sad, but I want to tell you the truth. But, that is not how Daddy and I feel. We love all of you the same and that is why we are adopting again. Besides, it doesn't really matter how a family was made, it just matters that they are now a family."
Rachel seemed really content with the answer even though it was long winded.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
These girls can play Chess
Rachel and Julia came home winners! This was Rachel's second chess tournament ever and she won 2 1/2 games. Julia won 4 out of 5 and got an honorable mention trophy. This was out of 80+ participants. Way to go you two!
Andrew turns six!
At the bowling alley!
After Andrew's initial nervousness about bowling, he got right into the game!
He even bowled a strike! So did William.
Andrew requested Banana cake! He got new roller skates, a helmet, a magic 8 ball, a toy airplane, money, the movie Napoleon Dynamite, and a new Bionicle. What a birthday!
I am so proud to be Andrew's mom! He is growing up to into a fine young man!
Here is big brother Adam helping Andrew put together his new Bionicle robot.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Friday Fumbles
The morning started with a stopped up sink. Don't worry, it wasn't really clogged, just a plastic cup that fit perfectly in the garbage disposal hole. The sink was full of dishes, so the girls didn't realize this until the sink was half filled with yucky water and food as they rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher.
Adam to the rescue! When the girls were too grossed out to stick their hand down in the water to pull out the cup, Adam did it instead. What a brave and courageous young man!
Later in the morning, just when I stepped into the shower and started to lather my hair, I heard Jonny scream, "Mama, wipe me!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Poor guy had to wait five minutes before I could get to him. Any longer and I would've been dealing with crusties. Eeeeeggghhhhh!
Tip of the day: Make sure your child that still needs help wiping doesn't decide to go poop just as you get into the shower. He may be waiting a while.
But today is still a great day because John is coming home!
Adam to the rescue! When the girls were too grossed out to stick their hand down in the water to pull out the cup, Adam did it instead. What a brave and courageous young man!
Later in the morning, just when I stepped into the shower and started to lather my hair, I heard Jonny scream, "Mama, wipe me!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Poor guy had to wait five minutes before I could get to him. Any longer and I would've been dealing with crusties. Eeeeeggghhhhh!
Tip of the day: Make sure your child that still needs help wiping doesn't decide to go poop just as you get into the shower. He may be waiting a while.
But today is still a great day because John is coming home!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Mr Responsible
With dad being gone, Adam has been really good at looking after all of us. Not that he has to fill John's shoes, but John did ask Adam to be extra helpful and to take care of me with all of his 12 year old might. Really sweet.
We were driving back from church last night, dropping off kids that we had taken with us, when Adam noticed I was really low on gas.
"Mom, did you know you are low on gas?" Adam said.
"Of course I know. But the light hasn't even come on yet, so don't worry."
"Mom, you know Dad's not here to come and get you if you run out of gas tomorrow when we are at school. Come on, let's go get some gas."
I explained how that even after the light comes on I have at least 30 miles worth of gas. He felt better after knowing that.
Adam has also been really good at shutting down the house by 9pm (even when I let him go to bed at 9:30) because he knows I am tired and have a slumber party to attend.
Thanks Adam.
Another cool thing about my son Adam is his honesty. Every Wednesday I give him and Caleb a couple of bucks for snacks at Wednesday night church where I happen to help run the snack bar. As I was counting out money from our change jar, he started to grab his and Caleb's money, and then quickly put his back.
"No thanks mom. Grandpa gave me five bucks for working over at his house the other day."
We were driving back from church last night, dropping off kids that we had taken with us, when Adam noticed I was really low on gas.
"Mom, did you know you are low on gas?" Adam said.
"Of course I know. But the light hasn't even come on yet, so don't worry."
"Mom, you know Dad's not here to come and get you if you run out of gas tomorrow when we are at school. Come on, let's go get some gas."
I explained how that even after the light comes on I have at least 30 miles worth of gas. He felt better after knowing that.
Adam has also been really good at shutting down the house by 9pm (even when I let him go to bed at 9:30) because he knows I am tired and have a slumber party to attend.
Thanks Adam.
Another cool thing about my son Adam is his honesty. Every Wednesday I give him and Caleb a couple of bucks for snacks at Wednesday night church where I happen to help run the snack bar. As I was counting out money from our change jar, he started to grab his and Caleb's money, and then quickly put his back.
"No thanks mom. Grandpa gave me five bucks for working over at his house the other day."
I miss my hubby!
I think I forgot to mention that John has been out of town since Monday. Today I woke up really missing him. Sure we talk every day, and the kids have been really good, but I'm going on my fourth slumber party tonight and I'll tell you that I can't wait till it's just him and I again sharing our late night snacks. Monday I let William, Andrew and Jonny sleep with me. Tuesday it was Rachel and Julia. Last night it was Annalyn, Sveta, and Anna. Tonight it will be Adam and Caleb. It's been fun and cozy getting to sleep with all of my kids, but I can't wait till John and I get to start having our sleepovers again. :)
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I'm so sorry......
This is probably the most addictive, scrumptious cake you will ever lavish your taste buds with. It is so good that I caught Caleb sneaking an extra piece in the kitchen. His response? "Mom, I am so sorry that you are the best cook in the world." Awwwe. How can I be mad at him for sneaking food when he tells me that.
Banana Cake
Mix a butter pecan cake mix according to directions. Add two medium ripe bananas and beat in well. Cook according to the directions on the box minus 2 or 3 minutes. Frost with fluffy white frosting and serve warm.
Doesn't want to go
Jonny has now made it very known to me that he is not feeling good.
"My arm really hurts Mom."
"My tummy is so hurting right now Mom."
"I don't feel very good right now."
"My legs are hurting Mom."
"I might throw up in a bowl. My tummy hurts so bad."
"If I go to preschool, I can't walk because my feet will hurt so much."
Yes preschool. That is what this is all about. He is literally sick over the idea of going to preschool today. I am in denial that this could be separation anxiety.
First off, I know that Jonny is a mama's boy... so this kind of behavior I have come to expect with him. It's just that this behavior has never been this intense in his whole life. It got really bad when I changed him from afternoon pre-k to morning. I thought the morning would be better for him because it would get him used to going to school in the morning like the other kids. Plus, he seemed more alert and less cranky in the morning.
I guess I didn't take into account the change in atmosphere and friends. By his third day of morning pre-k he was defiant and told the teacher, "No," when she asked him to do a craft. He was also resistant to listen to her when she asked him to sit down. She had not seen him act like this before and felt it warranted a call home. I couldn't address it until later in the day. The next time he went to pre-k I had him apologize but the act was already long forgiven by his wonderful teacher.
The day even went well according to her, but ever since Monday he has been telling me repeatedly that he doesn't want to go to pre-k anymore. He keeps telling me how sick he is and how much his body hurts. I have already changed him back to afternoons in hopes that that would fix the problem. Jonny knows that he will see his old friends today but that doesn't seem to make a difference.
I will probably take him today, but I am really second guessing myself. Maybe he does need to be with me at home.
"My arm really hurts Mom."
"My tummy is so hurting right now Mom."
"I don't feel very good right now."
"My legs are hurting Mom."
"I might throw up in a bowl. My tummy hurts so bad."
"If I go to preschool, I can't walk because my feet will hurt so much."
Yes preschool. That is what this is all about. He is literally sick over the idea of going to preschool today. I am in denial that this could be separation anxiety.
First off, I know that Jonny is a mama's boy... so this kind of behavior I have come to expect with him. It's just that this behavior has never been this intense in his whole life. It got really bad when I changed him from afternoon pre-k to morning. I thought the morning would be better for him because it would get him used to going to school in the morning like the other kids. Plus, he seemed more alert and less cranky in the morning.
I guess I didn't take into account the change in atmosphere and friends. By his third day of morning pre-k he was defiant and told the teacher, "No," when she asked him to do a craft. He was also resistant to listen to her when she asked him to sit down. She had not seen him act like this before and felt it warranted a call home. I couldn't address it until later in the day. The next time he went to pre-k I had him apologize but the act was already long forgiven by his wonderful teacher.
The day even went well according to her, but ever since Monday he has been telling me repeatedly that he doesn't want to go to pre-k anymore. He keeps telling me how sick he is and how much his body hurts. I have already changed him back to afternoons in hopes that that would fix the problem. Jonny knows that he will see his old friends today but that doesn't seem to make a difference.
I will probably take him today, but I am really second guessing myself. Maybe he does need to be with me at home.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Homemade Pizza
Remember that pizza dough mix I bought?
Caleb helped sprinkle on fresh grated mozarella cheese.
Here I am trying to keep up with the demand.
Julia helped make the pizzas too.
Andrew helped eat the pepperoni. He did a really good job.
Here is the finished product. And yes it tasted as good as it looks!
"Mom, so your going to buy five pounds of this mix next time, right?" Adam asked.
"Mom, you don't have to buy DeGiorno anymore because this pizza rocks!" William exclaimed.
Even with expired yeast (I hate to admit this), the dough turned out wonderful and within minutes all eleven little pizzas were gone.
Caleb helped sprinkle on fresh grated mozarella cheese.
Here I am trying to keep up with the demand.
Julia helped make the pizzas too.
Andrew helped eat the pepperoni. He did a really good job.
Here is the finished product. And yes it tasted as good as it looks!
"Mom, so your going to buy five pounds of this mix next time, right?" Adam asked.
"Mom, you don't have to buy DeGiorno anymore because this pizza rocks!" William exclaimed.
Even with expired yeast (I hate to admit this), the dough turned out wonderful and within minutes all eleven little pizzas were gone.
Valentine's Day Prep Work
Julia and Rachel writing their cards out.
The kids enjoyed comparing cards. Some had tatoos, jokes, foil images, or puzzles.
Jonny got lots of help from his big sister Anna.
Sveta signed her cards to pass out in class.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Two Teeth in one Week
Remember William and the tooth fairy story. Well she visited the next night and left a note explaining why she had not stopped by the previous night, and then she visited again last night. All is forgiven since he has enjoyed a large bag of Kit Kats for the last three days. Last night he got a toy sword that lights up!
His and Hers Late Night Snacks
Strawberry and Peach Yogurt with chunks of fruit sprinkled with Honey Almond Granola with a chocolate cookie on the side prepared by Chef Christine for his and her eating pleasure.
If eaten in bed snuggled up next to your hubby, it tastes even better and has zero calories (but don't hold me to that).
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Raising kids close in age
Apart from having ten kids that are twelve and under, our five daughters are 33 months apart, with Anna being the youngest and Rachel the oldest. To top that off, Julia and Annalyn are only two weeks apart. Our three youngest girls are a whopping 8 months apart.
This makes for a very interesting life in our family.
Did we set out to adopt virtual twins ---- NO, but it just kind of happened.
Let's just say that for the most part, we did not want to limit God and play too big a part on deciding the age of our daughters. We wanted to leave the range very open. At that time, that was how we felt led by God and oddly enough our current adoption that we are in the process of, we have felt led to narrow our age range to something more defined.
When we learned of our daughter's ages, we just didn't factor them in too much. I just couldn't see Jesus saying, "Nope, you can't walk with Me because your not four years old."
If at that time God thought we could handle a bunch of pre-teen emotional girls and still manage to find the humor in it, then who were we to say that His plan was wrong? He could have led us down a different path, but instead, he made our paths cross.
___________________________________________
To better understand our family dynamics, please bear with me as I try to explain them.
From oldest to youngest, there is Rachel, Sveta, Annalyn, Julia, and Anna. But, because of when my eyes first gazed into theirs, I often think that my girls are in this order--- Julia, Sveta, Anna, Annalyn, and Rachel. But oddly enough, I probably consider this last order the most relevant because it relates to their maturity, responsibility, and their academic ability. The order is Julia, Rachel, Annalyn, Anna, and then Sveta.
This has nothing to do with age, or one of them being favored over another, but it is I being HONEST. It is I admitting that I think there is a flaw in gaging a person's place in a family merely based on how old they are.
The complicated thing about adoption is that I believe that all adoptive children come to us at a disadvantage simply because they have not been in our home from the moment they were born. Pile on a couple of years or a whole decade like in the case of my daughter Rachel, and you have no real clue what their previous exposure was and or how many developmental milestones they missed out on.
Let's take Annalyn and Julia for example.
It would be naive to assume that just because they are only two weeks apart, they are therefore on a level playing field. That is just not the case.
They are light worlds apart, and this obvious difference can be quite the challenge at times. Not that I would have it any different.
Julia has been a part of our family for the last 10 years (all her life), whereas Annalyn barely joined our family a year and a half ago when she was eight years old. Without going into her past, Annalyn though very smart--- academically, does not have the formative years under her belt to bring her anywhere near Julia's social and emotional capabilities. That is her reality.
Julia and Annalyn are both in the 4th grade--- based on academics they are a close tie, but if I had to look at who is more mature and who is more responsible I would say that virtual twins they are not.
Things that come naturally to Julia, can be a darn right struggle for Annalyn. From everything to remembering to responsibly clear off your own cereal bowl in the morning, to not getting up three times to go potty and get a drink after I have tucked in the girls, to pretending to not remember something in hopes that you will not get caught doing something you know is wrong, I would have to honestly say that Julia is every bit of her 9+ years of age, while Annalyn comfortably lives her life at the formative five or six year old stage.
This stage includes a lot of questioning, lack of awareness to your surroundings, downright defiance, childish misbehavior, and lying. But on the upside, it also includes, the desire to still be cuddled when same aged siblings find it babyish, the ability to be guided down the right path because your not yet set in your ways, the ability to have a genuine good time with your four year old brother playing like your on a camping excursion, and the desire to please even though your not very good at it yet.
This difference in maturity between my same aged daughters is not a negative thing persay........ that is until the less responsible one decides that she should get every responsible privilege that her sister gets. But even this is too be expected, and as long as I stick with the facts and leave NO room for her to discuss playing favorites, this leaves all the room for her to be encouraged to earn some of her normal age privileges. Does this make sense?
I guess what I am trying to say is, any child of mine will be given privileges based soley on their maturity and responbility levels up to what is allowed at their age. If they can't handle age appropriate stuff then we give them what they have proven they can handle, even if their same ages siblings are given more or less. I just don't allow comparisons because it would be like me saying, “Well look at so and so. She can handle this responsibilty. Your the same age, so why can't you?” How fair would this be?
_______________________________________
Because of reasons that I choose to not go into now, John and I have made the parental decision that Annalyn has to share a room with at least Julia or Rachel at all times. This is hard for Rachel and Julia to accept because they feel like they are being punished for being put with the sister who has to constantly be reminded to clean up her room or not touch other people's things. Don't get me wrong, they love their sister as I love my daughter, but when they just don't understand things like John and I do and it is normal for them to expect ten year old behavior from Annalyn and yet they get five year old behavior, it is hard for them to adjust their expectations of her when she is always complaining that they are not treating her like her age demands to be treated.
While Julia and Rachel usually never have to be told things twice, I find that with my three other girls, the need to repeat things is to be expected. Though Rachel and Julia are almost the furthest apart in age, they have formed a strong bond because of their similar maturity levels.
Sveta at ten years old is not able to keep up with her sisters' activities like playing computer games, watching Disney shows, and participating in chess, or just engaging in a good long conversation about friends and school. This is mainly because she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which is actually a blessing when you think about this one fact. For the most part she doesn't see that she is different from her sisters because her disability puts her at a younger mindset anyways. She doesn't care that she doesn't get to talk on the phone because she has never thought to ask a friend for her phone number because she wouldn't want the pressure of having to write it down right.
Annalyn can't do most of the things that Julia and Rachel do without typing something she shouldn't have on an internet game, being a poor sport, tuning out the rest of the world and thus missing out on life going on around her, or laughing uncontrollably because she said something inappropriate. Again, these things do not make Annalyn a bad child by any means, it just simply makes most of us think of her as someone who is much younger than her ten years.
Anna has been held back in 2nd grade and though she is also nine years old, I think this suits her just fine. She is the baby girl of the family and because her grade reflects this, for the most part she is happy being the youngest, except when it comes to bedtime. She can't stand it if she has to go to bed earlier than her older sisters. And to that I say, “Tough!”
______________________________________
School is not really an issue for us because I learned early on not to put any of them in the same class. When Anna and Sveta first came home there was no room in first grade so the two were put in the same class for a couple of weeks. Everyone noticed how competitive they were. Trying to prove that the other was smarter, better, and faster, was causing stress on their relationship at home. They were not given the chance to blossom without living in the other's shadow. Once we moved Anna to a different class, the tension between them ceased since they each got their own space to make their own friends and shine in their own way.
Today, we have two sets of kids in the same grade. Annalyn and Julia who are in the fourth grade and William and Anna who are in the second grade. I have only seen benefits to having kids in the same grade. They can help each other with homework and I get to go on one less field trip. :)
______________________________________
As I continue to type this, I realize that I might not be painting such a great picture of having girls so close in age. I really apologize for this, because even after all of this is said, I still feel with every fiber of my being, that I have the bestest family ever. While having daughters so close in age can present some challenges that might not otherwise occur in a family with children given their own distinctive age and grade, I can also boast of all the blessings that result because of my girls being close in age.
Let me give you today as an example. John is taking seven of the kids to see the Hannah Montana movie. Who do you think its the most excited about going? If you guessed my girls, then you were right! They were even talking about putting their money together so that the ones that had very little money could still get snacks at the theater. If they were not so close in age, I'm not sure they would all be going to the movie in the first place.
My girls also share clothes, do each other's hair, help each other out with their homework, share each other's secrets, and watch out for one another. Even when they probably shouldn't (John and I like to be up to date on the latest info) they swear each other to secrecy if one of them likes a boy. It is the type of sisterly relationship that I never had because my sister and I are so far apart.
I know that each of my girls have had to learn to be much more tolerable and forgiving as they learn to live and grow together. Each of them have their uniques characteristics that don't always go well together, but the simple fact that they are a family gives them the opportunity to learn to accept each others strengths and weaknesses........ a valuable trait that will come in handy as they get older and eventually become adults.
This makes for a very interesting life in our family.
Did we set out to adopt virtual twins ---- NO, but it just kind of happened.
Let's just say that for the most part, we did not want to limit God and play too big a part on deciding the age of our daughters. We wanted to leave the range very open. At that time, that was how we felt led by God and oddly enough our current adoption that we are in the process of, we have felt led to narrow our age range to something more defined.
When we learned of our daughter's ages, we just didn't factor them in too much. I just couldn't see Jesus saying, "Nope, you can't walk with Me because your not four years old."
If at that time God thought we could handle a bunch of pre-teen emotional girls and still manage to find the humor in it, then who were we to say that His plan was wrong? He could have led us down a different path, but instead, he made our paths cross.
___________________________________________
To better understand our family dynamics, please bear with me as I try to explain them.
From oldest to youngest, there is Rachel, Sveta, Annalyn, Julia, and Anna. But, because of when my eyes first gazed into theirs, I often think that my girls are in this order--- Julia, Sveta, Anna, Annalyn, and Rachel. But oddly enough, I probably consider this last order the most relevant because it relates to their maturity, responsibility, and their academic ability. The order is Julia, Rachel, Annalyn, Anna, and then Sveta.
This has nothing to do with age, or one of them being favored over another, but it is I being HONEST. It is I admitting that I think there is a flaw in gaging a person's place in a family merely based on how old they are.
The complicated thing about adoption is that I believe that all adoptive children come to us at a disadvantage simply because they have not been in our home from the moment they were born. Pile on a couple of years or a whole decade like in the case of my daughter Rachel, and you have no real clue what their previous exposure was and or how many developmental milestones they missed out on.
Let's take Annalyn and Julia for example.
It would be naive to assume that just because they are only two weeks apart, they are therefore on a level playing field. That is just not the case.
They are light worlds apart, and this obvious difference can be quite the challenge at times. Not that I would have it any different.
Julia has been a part of our family for the last 10 years (all her life), whereas Annalyn barely joined our family a year and a half ago when she was eight years old. Without going into her past, Annalyn though very smart--- academically, does not have the formative years under her belt to bring her anywhere near Julia's social and emotional capabilities. That is her reality.
Julia and Annalyn are both in the 4th grade--- based on academics they are a close tie, but if I had to look at who is more mature and who is more responsible I would say that virtual twins they are not.
Things that come naturally to Julia, can be a darn right struggle for Annalyn. From everything to remembering to responsibly clear off your own cereal bowl in the morning, to not getting up three times to go potty and get a drink after I have tucked in the girls, to pretending to not remember something in hopes that you will not get caught doing something you know is wrong, I would have to honestly say that Julia is every bit of her 9+ years of age, while Annalyn comfortably lives her life at the formative five or six year old stage.
This stage includes a lot of questioning, lack of awareness to your surroundings, downright defiance, childish misbehavior, and lying. But on the upside, it also includes, the desire to still be cuddled when same aged siblings find it babyish, the ability to be guided down the right path because your not yet set in your ways, the ability to have a genuine good time with your four year old brother playing like your on a camping excursion, and the desire to please even though your not very good at it yet.
This difference in maturity between my same aged daughters is not a negative thing persay........ that is until the less responsible one decides that she should get every responsible privilege that her sister gets. But even this is too be expected, and as long as I stick with the facts and leave NO room for her to discuss playing favorites, this leaves all the room for her to be encouraged to earn some of her normal age privileges. Does this make sense?
I guess what I am trying to say is, any child of mine will be given privileges based soley on their maturity and responbility levels up to what is allowed at their age. If they can't handle age appropriate stuff then we give them what they have proven they can handle, even if their same ages siblings are given more or less. I just don't allow comparisons because it would be like me saying, “Well look at so and so. She can handle this responsibilty. Your the same age, so why can't you?” How fair would this be?
_______________________________________
Because of reasons that I choose to not go into now, John and I have made the parental decision that Annalyn has to share a room with at least Julia or Rachel at all times. This is hard for Rachel and Julia to accept because they feel like they are being punished for being put with the sister who has to constantly be reminded to clean up her room or not touch other people's things. Don't get me wrong, they love their sister as I love my daughter, but when they just don't understand things like John and I do and it is normal for them to expect ten year old behavior from Annalyn and yet they get five year old behavior, it is hard for them to adjust their expectations of her when she is always complaining that they are not treating her like her age demands to be treated.
While Julia and Rachel usually never have to be told things twice, I find that with my three other girls, the need to repeat things is to be expected. Though Rachel and Julia are almost the furthest apart in age, they have formed a strong bond because of their similar maturity levels.
Sveta at ten years old is not able to keep up with her sisters' activities like playing computer games, watching Disney shows, and participating in chess, or just engaging in a good long conversation about friends and school. This is mainly because she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which is actually a blessing when you think about this one fact. For the most part she doesn't see that she is different from her sisters because her disability puts her at a younger mindset anyways. She doesn't care that she doesn't get to talk on the phone because she has never thought to ask a friend for her phone number because she wouldn't want the pressure of having to write it down right.
Annalyn can't do most of the things that Julia and Rachel do without typing something she shouldn't have on an internet game, being a poor sport, tuning out the rest of the world and thus missing out on life going on around her, or laughing uncontrollably because she said something inappropriate. Again, these things do not make Annalyn a bad child by any means, it just simply makes most of us think of her as someone who is much younger than her ten years.
Anna has been held back in 2nd grade and though she is also nine years old, I think this suits her just fine. She is the baby girl of the family and because her grade reflects this, for the most part she is happy being the youngest, except when it comes to bedtime. She can't stand it if she has to go to bed earlier than her older sisters. And to that I say, “Tough!”
______________________________________
School is not really an issue for us because I learned early on not to put any of them in the same class. When Anna and Sveta first came home there was no room in first grade so the two were put in the same class for a couple of weeks. Everyone noticed how competitive they were. Trying to prove that the other was smarter, better, and faster, was causing stress on their relationship at home. They were not given the chance to blossom without living in the other's shadow. Once we moved Anna to a different class, the tension between them ceased since they each got their own space to make their own friends and shine in their own way.
Today, we have two sets of kids in the same grade. Annalyn and Julia who are in the fourth grade and William and Anna who are in the second grade. I have only seen benefits to having kids in the same grade. They can help each other with homework and I get to go on one less field trip. :)
______________________________________
As I continue to type this, I realize that I might not be painting such a great picture of having girls so close in age. I really apologize for this, because even after all of this is said, I still feel with every fiber of my being, that I have the bestest family ever. While having daughters so close in age can present some challenges that might not otherwise occur in a family with children given their own distinctive age and grade, I can also boast of all the blessings that result because of my girls being close in age.
Let me give you today as an example. John is taking seven of the kids to see the Hannah Montana movie. Who do you think its the most excited about going? If you guessed my girls, then you were right! They were even talking about putting their money together so that the ones that had very little money could still get snacks at the theater. If they were not so close in age, I'm not sure they would all be going to the movie in the first place.
My girls also share clothes, do each other's hair, help each other out with their homework, share each other's secrets, and watch out for one another. Even when they probably shouldn't (John and I like to be up to date on the latest info) they swear each other to secrecy if one of them likes a boy. It is the type of sisterly relationship that I never had because my sister and I are so far apart.
I know that each of my girls have had to learn to be much more tolerable and forgiving as they learn to live and grow together. Each of them have their uniques characteristics that don't always go well together, but the simple fact that they are a family gives them the opportunity to learn to accept each others strengths and weaknesses........ a valuable trait that will come in handy as they get older and eventually become adults.
Saturday night photos
Last night, the kids played with Gazz-it, a modeling foam, play dough like product. It is so much better than clay-like products.
At Big Lots I found these under-roos on clearance for $3.00. Andrew and Jonny had so much fun pretending they were Spiderman.
Out of the blue, Rachel and Anna gave Julia and I foot massages. It reminded me of a blog I read (but can't remember) where someone attended to elders' feet (cut their toenails, etc.) because they themselves couldn't. Washing and caring for feet is something that was not beneath Jesus and I was able to share this with all three girls.
William and Daddy stopped to pose for a picture.
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