All week Sveta and Annalyn were planning on dressing up as twins today. That was their plan, yet they did not have an outfit picked out. Then yesterday, Annalyn found out that Sveta was going to dress-up as Rachel's twin. Sure this was not very fair, but I don't think that it would have been right for me to force Sveta to be Annalyn's twin, so I let the situation unfold----- with a few wise words.
"Rachel, it would be nice if you could encourage Sveta to honor her commitment to Annalyn and encourage her to dress up with her."
"Sveta, you already made a promise to your other sister. You should keep that promise."
"Annalyn, if they want to leave you out, take the high road and find someone else to dress-up, or just have my shirt (that shrank in the wash) and wear it. Just remember to try and act your age, like we have discussed before."
All of this advice went unheeded.
Last night, as I was curling Annalyn's hair, out of the blue, just because........ Rachel and Sveta come in to my bathroom all dressed up. Immediately, Annalyn started in,
"You're going to wear thaaaat?"
"Just watch, everyone is going to laugh at you."
"How ridiculous, you look."
Rachel shot back, "You're just jealous," and walked out.
"Annalyn, I know it is hard to watch them, but really, your words shouldn't be so mean. Remember, it is not okay to be mean just because someone treated you meanly."
I talked with my girls a little more before bed about treating each other better, and how they could work it out, but the night ended on a sour note. Annalyn, after being told to, was practicing her clarinet and squeaking it on purpose in Rachel's face.
Bedtime.
Come morning---- More cat-fighting, and more words of advice and finally some consequences for actions were felt.
"Sveta, you broke a promise. Do you think that is okay? Did you ever apologize to Annalyn, did you ever invite her to dress up with you guys? I think it would be good for you to tell her your sorry."
"Rachel, what you did was not very nice. To Annalyn, it looks like you stole Sveta away from her just so you could get what you want. How would you like it if that was done to you? No, I will not be putting your hair in pony-tails, that is something that a big girl like you could do by yourself."
Finally, Rachel and Sveta invited Annalyn to be a part of their group. Sadly, because of Annalyn's words all morning, she didn't get to participate in Twin day. "Annalyn, I am sorry, but no you can't dress up with them. Remember how dumb you said they looked? Remember how you said you would not be caught dead dressed like them? Remember how you continued to put them down, even when I asked you to stop? Remember how you denied being jealous of them? I would have let you dress up with them, if you could have just taken the high road. But, I still love you, and you're still their sister, and you can still have a good day, and you can learn from this experience and be more honest with yourself and me, and try not to open your mouth when only "mean-spirited" things are on your mind."
Deep breath. God is good. Regardless of whether or not I handled the situation right, he is graceful, my daughters do love each other and are quick to forgive, and each girl left with the promise of a good day simply because it is Friday----- which means the bickering was over.
Julia is feeling better today too. Last night, I spent a good half hour with Julia who was feeling homesick for her old school. Sigh--- adjusting to a new school is going to take time.
15 comments:
It's so funny how dramatic girls can be huh? My girls are always acting as if it's the end of the world. It drives me crazy sometimes. I hope the girls learn their lessons. I bet it's hard having them all that close in age. Wishing you luck, and patience. =) Love your face.
Every day is twin day at our school because of the "uniform" policy instituted two years ago.
It's not actually a uniform though. The kids have to wear blue or tan pants or jeans or skirts and a three button collared shirt in one of their three school colors and each school has its own colors. So you can have some variety in the kind of pants (but they are not suppose to have big or extra pockets and are suppose to be worn at the waist) or in the colors and styles of shirts.
I love it because there is not nearly as much pressure as far as buying cool clothes or in choosing an outfit not appropriate for school.
sounds like you handled all that wonderfully.
Drama, drama, drama... Such is the life of girls!!
I always call my daughters Drama Mamas! Everything is always blown out of size. (mine are 32 and 23) ROFL. That's one reason I said I'd only adopt boys! Haha, God has a sense of humor. He's having us adopt Anah, an 11 year old GIRL with Down Syndrome! Ah well, I know He knows best, ;o) .
PS I'm not saying I won't adopt a girl any more....
This is one thing that I don't have to deal with. :) Sounds like you handled it quite well. At least Annalyn will think about her words more next time.
Girls are .... complex. Beyond complex. There is not a word complex enough to describe the complexity of the complexness of girls.
Sounds like you handled it beautifully. I'm hoping the fact that my girls are four years apart will help save me from SOME of the drama. Yea. Wishful thinking...I know. ;)
In the videos I hear you call Anna, Anya (which happens to be my name :) -- I love hearing other girls with the same name! It's a good name if I do say so myself ;)) Is her official name Anna and you call her Anya as more endearment? Also, I don't hear her mentioned as much in the spats between your other girls -- does she sort of stay out of that and do her own thing? Just curious!
On a side note, I hope Julia will feel more comfortable in her new school soon...I can't imagine what she is going through, but I know with two parents like you and John and her faith in Him, she'll be just fine! I wish her luck!
Eeak!! That's why I am glad my two girls are on the ends and I will only have 2 teenage girls for a few years! Drama, Drama, Drama. But, arne't they just so darn cute?!?
Sounds like you did a great job! I'm impressed!
i suppose days like this (that aren't perfect) are necessary - but that doesn't make it any nicer, does it?? i hope today was a better day, for everyone!
i'm tagging you if you want to play along... :) I just named other blogs I love to follow - and yours definitely is one i keep up with daily! i love large families and since mine has two children, reading about other through blogs is awesome! i don't have any idea how you find the time to blog every day, and post pictures!! is there a trick to posting pics that i am missing? it takes me a while to resize them and import to blogger, etc.. that's why i do it so infrequently - but you do so many, so often, i MUST be doing something wrong. If you have time to do it, I must be able to do it daily too! :) anyway - i'd love to read your responses, so Tag, you're it!
enjoy your weekend!! watchi some Seinfeld... LOL.
You definitely handled the situation well. There is so much of that going on in our house between our two boys..not the dressing up part..but the bickering..It can be so endless..
Job well done!
One of the things I really love about your blog is that you aren't afraid to post the truth, exactly as it happened, and exactly how you handled it. I feel like I am talking to my best friend and not reading a published journal. Thanks for making me feel so special. :)
As for the situation - I think you handled it well. Working with teenagers can be hard enough, I couldnt imagine coming up with creative ways to work through these kinds of issues. All I can do is put myself in your daugther's shoes and think about what you've said. I know it made me think twice and I hope that everyone involved does the same next time something similiar happens.
Ugh..I feel your pain! It is hard when the girls start having hormones that make a "mess". I can only imagine your home, with so many! You know these will all be heartwarming memories when they are adults, hopefully! :)
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