The appointment was good and bad in my opinion. First the good news. After meeting Dennis, this doctor is willing to do Dennis' surgeries. He is nice and seems genuinely concerned for Dennis' comfort and safety. He
He said he is going to schedule the surgery for this month. His plan is to do an enucleation of Dennis' right eye and put in an orbital implant so that he can be fitted with a scleral shell. This all sounds great, right?
Well, here comes the bad part in my opinion. This doctor was not as optimistic as the plastic surgeon. He said that he is not sure if Dennis will be able to have his eyelids pulled together enough to support a prosthetic device. Yes, he may just be keeping my expectations low so that I will be pleasantly surprised with the result, but I was hoping that he was going to reassure me that Dennis is an excellent candidate for this procedure and will therefore have excellent results. I trust this doctor since the plastic surgeon leading up the advisory team trusts him, but at this point I guess I am saying that I am getting nervous about my baby having this surgery. He is unsure about his tear duct and just doesn't know how much give his eyelid will have until he cuts the band at the top and bottom of Dennis' eye.
Please keep Dennis in your prayers this month that the doctors will gain more knowledge about his situation and that Dennis will fare well through this surgery without any complications.
Here are some pictures from his CTscan that John put together.
After the eye appointment, we had time to kill so I took my three boys to Starbucks. I think it is so important to make individual time to do things with just one or a few of my kids so that they get some personal time with Mom. It was so nice just sitting with my boys watching them enjoy their special drink.
Even Dennis had some Vanilla Frappucinno. Mmmmmm.
Jonny loves to do this at the Orthodontist's office. Can you tell how proud he is of himself?
I had to stop by Mervyn's to pick something out for my Mom for her birthday. Caleb bought these socks. Yes, he will seriously wear them.
After shopping, Caleb asked if he could treat us all to Long John Silvers. I thought this was a fine idea (although I did feel generous and pay for half while still allowing him to feel like he treated) and asked him if I should go through the drive thru or park to go inside. Caleb thought it would be better to park the car and go inside.
"Okay Caleb. Why don't you go inside and buy three of whatever it is that you wanted."
He was a little nervous about doing this all by himself with me waiting in the car but he went inside anyway. At twelve years old, I think this is good experience for him. He accidently ordered meals that came with drinks which was fine, but he needed help carrying them to the car. No big deal. Then he went back in to wait for the rest of the food. After 10 minutes, I started to get annoyed/concerned at how long it was taking and by twenty minutes I was about to turn off the car and go inside with Jonny and Dennis just to see what was taking so long. That's when Caleb walked out teary-eyed that he still hadn't gotten our food yet. He told me that he watched 10 other people which I believe because it was smack dab in the middle of lunchtime place their order after him and get their food. I looked at the receipt which said 11:19am. It was now 11:40am. I walked in there and asked for our order which was just coming up to be served, like they had misplaced it. Regardless of why Caleb had waited 2o minutes for his food while standing right up at the counter, I was angry. I not only let them know how unprofessional I thought they were (at that time I was very nice about it), but when I saw how flippant they were with a shrug of their shoulders, I went back to the car with our food and in a (mini) tirade, I ended up doing something very out of character for me. I used a swear word in front of my son, and as soon as it came out I stopped myself and slapped my own mouth to cover my lips. Seriously, I didn't know where it came from... and I felt horrible as soon as I said it. I apologized at least three times. Deep breath Christine. It will be all right. I am not so concerned about Jonny or Dennis picking up on it because they were busy drinking a soda, but I just felt so irresponsible about letting this word slip out of my mouth... language I vowed many many years ago not to use anymore. Sigh. Just one of the many less than stellar moments of my parenthood.
Baboonya (my mom) gave Jonny birthday donuts to eat when we went to her house. he shared them with Caleb. She lives a couple minutes away from the orthodontist's office that we go to and we try to visit her every time we're out here. Happy Birthday Mom!
Before we got home, I had to pick up Adam's guitar from the Music store (it ended up needing an additional $25 worth of work), and stop by the grocery store to stock up on bananas and milk for the weekend.
As I was unloading groceries with Caleb I noticed how much junk was on the floor of my van.
It was a no brainer for me what Anna, Andrew, and William's chore was going to be today.
Disclaimer: I am expecting Anon to comment on this post about my pottymouth. Believe me, I am not proud. I didn't have to share it, but as you always hear me say....... I am keeping it real.
35 comments:
oh now, the world isn't going to collapse in on itself.
Children learn from example, not from advice. And your silencing yourself, and showing how upset you were was a wonderful example on what should be done!
Caleb...well if I could I'd give him a big fat hug. What an extraordinary young man. He has the patience to stand in a crowded resturant and wait! He also showed amazing generosity. In addition he was not afraid to let you know how he felt.
You go mom!! You go dad!!
You have raised an amazing son, and some day he will be a brilliant father and husband
Cant even try to think how you must be feeling about the up coming operations but I will be here for you in pray that everything will happen like they need it too happen.....
The CT scan pic is really amazing it shows how far we have come from the simple xray....
Little Dennis is in our prayers. As for the "potty mouth" I think you are punishing yourself too much, We all have a slip of the toungue once in a while and you let your son know right away that you were sorry. I also do the one on one if one of my kids has to go to the doc's or dentist, but we go to McDonalds (there isn't one in our suburb so it's a big treat)
I can understand your nervousness with the upcoming ops for your sweetheart. Will be praying for Dennis & also for you.
Thanks for including the CT - as a radiographer, it's interesting seeing the way his skull & facial bones have developed.
I think that making a big deal over a slipped curse word, just gives it more power. Give it power and make it taboo will make it enticing and desirable. Just remember, it's only a word. "Excuse me." is all you need to follow up with :-) Besides, you used it 'appropriately' (not that cursing is really appropriate, but you know what I mean). You were expressing anger and frustration over lousy customer service, and rude people - employees ignoring your son, and rude customers for butting in front. I am sure what Caleb got out of that exchange was that he did NOT do anything wrong, he WAS treated unfairly, and his mom loves him and stands up for him. (btw - love the socks!)
I sure hope Dennis' surgery works out exceeding all expectations!!!!
What a beautiful family! This is my first time to visit you - (thanks for commenting on my blog!) God bless you and your family! I'll be praying for the upcoming surgeries!
Accidents happen...even to the best of us. :) I will definitely be keeping you all in my prayers as little Dennis's surgery details are worked out this month.
Erica
My goodness you had a stressful day and you were tired. Plus you are a human being--things slip out!
I'm amazed at what plastic surgeons can do. Have faith--thngs improve all the time and even if they are limited this time with what they can do for Dennis--down the road who knows???
How fun to experience your day with you, and with Zhen sitting on my lap and Nastya sitting on the clothes basket behind us, we had a nice little discussion about families and children. Nastya was very interested to see, in your heading, Sveta and Anna, old friends of her BEST friend ever, Julia.
Zhen, the future scientist, asked me to expand the photo montage of Dennis so he could look at it carefully and discuss the possible surgery.
Now, I was drawn to the samovar on the side table at grandma's house. I would love a samovar! Is this one that you brought her from one of your trips or did she have it beforehand? Do you have slavic heritage?
Thanks for you blog! I love that you keep it real. It helps others, it really does!
Christine,
The society we live in at this point treats foul language as normal language. Even kid movies have questionable language. It is hard to have it go in, and not come out!
A few weeks ago I got irritated about something, usually during driving, and said, "bad word, bad word!"
The girls were intrigued by this.... what do you mean mommy?
So even though I didn't say it, came close and thought it, I may as well have said it, cuz it got them asking about it.
All these are learning lessons for our kids, and for us.
Your son sees you as human. :) That is a good thing.
I truly will pray for Dennis's surgery to go well. We had high hopes for Erika's appointment to reconstruct her feet. I remember hearing those words to this day. "We really need to amputate". I was sitting there questioning myself. "Would I have brought her home if she had had not feet"?
The answer was, yes, of course I would have. Will she have improvement without feet? The answer was also yes.
For your little guy, whie you want things to be as great as possible; even if nothing is able to be done, it won't change that he is Dennis and you adore and love him.
Ahhh the difficult decisions of parenthood.
Words, attitudes, surgeries, feet, eyes..... God sees it all, and His mercy and grace is Sufficient to cover them all.
What a hard day! I`m so impressed that your kids constantly show the type of generosity that Caleb showed. That`s really great. I`m sorry it turned out so poorly for him, but I don`t think a swear slipping out is the end of the world (or maybe I just want to think that because it happens to me, too).
You know, even if the surgery isn`t precisely what you were thinking, it should be an improvement, right? At the very least, you won`t need to worry as much about his injuring that eye, which will mean he can roughhouse with his siblings a bit more (something I`m sure he`ll be doing more of as he gets older!).
Just out of curiosity, what`s the forecast on speech? I imagine it will be a little more difficult for him than a child without the cleft palate, no?
If in raising 11 children, several of whom have special needs, compounding that with an unusually stressful and somewhat disapointing morning, and then the workers at the restaurant have the audacity to ignore a paying customer just because he's a kid...you only let one not so great word slip, you're doing pretty well, sister! We'll be praying that things go well with Dennis!
Sounds like you had a stressful day and sometimes when we are stretched to the limit, we let things slip that we otherwise keep in check. Bad words, bad attitudes, and bad actions are just part of why we all need Jesus.
Remember that Dennis is really in God's hands and it is He who ultimately cares for your little one. Keep giving him back, every day and every time you feel fear creeping back into your heart and mind, give him back to Jesus. This little one does not need to face the world alone because he has been provided a family to be there for him. You are the arms so God can hold him, the voice so He can sing, and the heart that he might feel God's love. Thank Him for that privilege.
Christine,
If comes out of everyone's mouth from time to time! No one is perfect!
Dennis is certainly in our prayers and thoughts. He will come out like a champ! Good luck to you all this month..
I can so sympathize. I had a real show down with Adam yesterday and I wanted to say some really nasty stuff not to mention a couple of expletives but I literally bit my tongue and tried to deal with the real issue at hand. Boy is it hard being the mature one at times!! You do great.
I hear you about the surgery. We are through yet one more but not done by any means. And now they are talking a shoe lift and a possible surgery to even out her legs in addition to the cranio facial stuff.
I agree about time with children individually. I try to take one of them along on errands or if I have an out of town trip. Jessica and I are going on a girls get away cruise in Feb. Grab a girl and join us : )
You had a hard day. I'm sorry about the restaurant thing. That's hard on a kid. Thanks for posting the CT scan. It was very interesting. Is there someone you could go to for a second opinion regarding his eye? We'll just continue to pray. And don't worry about your "potty mouth." Children don't learn anything from perfect parents. They learn from parents who acknowledge their mistakes, ask for forgiveness and try to do better next time.
I will be praying for Dennis and his surgeries.
We all slip now and then and say something we souldn't. You admitted you were wrong and that is what counts!
Thanks for keeping it real, Christine. You are an awesome mom and Caleb is going to grow up to be a wonderful young man with your (and your husband's) example of what it's like to follow Christ and be refined day by day. I don't think it's healthy for kids to have the image of their parents as "perfect" anyway because none of us is! Praying for Dennis in his upcoming surgeries...
i think you showed Caleb a VERY important lesson today.
1) you're human. humans mess up. that doesn't make it acceptable, it just makes it reality.
2) you immediately corrected yourself. you did not continue on & on in horrible language, and you TOLD Caleb you were sorry, showing that it IS wrong and that you're human...
3)...and you also showed Caleb something BIG: that when you say it is NOT okay to use those words, you do NOT tell him that & then feel free to use them whenever you want to. it's the ultimate example of showing him that, yes, you made a mistake, but you don't teach him one thing (not to use those words) and then go do another. It shows Caleb that you expect the SAME STANDARD from yourself that you do from him. And that is HUGE in the eyes of a developing child who is growing into a young man.
- michelle
I would encourage getting a second opinion from a place like Stanford or UCLA, even if just for the peace of mind knowing that the doctors you chose in your area are doing the right thing. University Hospitals have many more resources and access to cutting edge technology than some smaller places. I realize that they are further away, and it takes more time and money, time away from your family to do something like that, but I think the peace of mind is worth it. Since you already have all the info, scans and medical plans, I wouldnt think you would need much more than one or two visits, if they agree with the drs then you can be completely confident going into the surgeries. If they dont agree and have better ideas you can research those options and not have any "if only" thoughts.
Just an opinion and Im sure you have had a ton of people already tell you this.
On a side note, Ill never forget when as a kid I heard both my parents say a bad word at different times and only once. I was shocked at first but then it made me realize that they werent perfect but were real. I still laugh about it because in the 40+ years since, I have never heard another one out of either of them.
What an amazing son you have, treating his mom and brothers to lunch!!!
I hope that someday I'll have a son who is as generous and kind hearted as your son is.
Keeping Dennis in my prayers. I have no doubt that he'll do just fine.
Don't beat yourself up about the cursing, everyone does it now and then.
We'll definitely pray for your son's upcoming surgery! And don't worry about the bad language. They hear worse than whatever you ever said at school or on TV. It's the teaching moments that count and that was such a moment. We've all had them.
I second what Pat said about a second opinion. Hopefully your insurance will cover it.
I'm hoping that the specialist was giving you the worst case scenario and that he will be able to do as the plastic surgeion discussed.
As for the "bad" word... Don't sweat it. I'm sure it's not the first one your older son has heard, it probably went over Jonny's head and Dennis wouldn't understand it. I'm not one to judge on that as I've used my share of them. I've probably shocked some of your readers with that one.
I forgot to add a comment about Caleb. How sweet of him to want to treat you and Dennis to lunch. I'm sure he doesn't have much money since he's not old enough for a PT job so that means even more. Very, very generous and I'm sure you are proud of his sharing.
That is a shame that he had to wait so long for lunch. Could they have not been as quick with his order since he was not an adult? Hope that is not the case.
What a fine young preteen you have!
Hi there! I am new here and I probably missed it somewhere. But what happened to Dennis to crush his face like that? I am glad you're getting some answers about fixing it. He is so cute already though! :)
Another comment - LOVE the striped sox that Caleb chose. Great colors. I'd also wear them with my jeans and clogs.
Hey, it happens to all of us. I think it is important that you caught it and apologized to your son. They need to see that we mess up and that we forgive ourselves!
I'm still confused about Dennis's condition. Was what this doctor said indicate that he will perhaps not be able to look as normal as the plastic surgeon thought? Or will his sight be affected? I thought he would not be able to have sight in his right eye. Couldn't he wear a patch once the damaged eye has been removed?
Wow, that is a lot going on with Dennis's surgery. I will certainly be praying you guys through Dennis' surgery. Prayerfully the doctor will be pleasantly surprised and he will be able to do everything.
What a nice young man Caleb is. How thoughtful to treat his family. (and as it turned out, patient, too:)
Christine, I think my kids have learned just as much from seeing me in my weak moments as they have in my strong moments. The way we respond when we have weak moments, teaches them how to deal wtih things they struggle with.
nope no new address!!! But hey I understand you have been twice as busy as me!! **grin**
Dennis will be in my prayers for his surgery. Our son (now 7) had one eye enucleated when he was 2 so I can relate with that. In his case it was cancer of the retina. He's worn glasses ever since to protect his good eye and We've been very thankfull he's had them on a number of times. Sometimes insurance won't pay for them if they don't have a perscription but you can have them put the lowest level perscription on the side he doesn't see from.
Sarah
Thanks for keeping it real :)
You handled the naughty word incident very well. And you were really pushed to the limit when it slipped out, so please grant yourself some slack!
Caleb is such a neat kid - I'd be very put out on his behalf, too, if I were you. No excuse for keeping him waiting that way - I expect the top guns of the restaurant chain would be very interested in hearing about the very rude treatment he received. Children deserve the same respect as adults and customers, regardless of age, should be served in the order they arrive and place their orders (more if-I-were-in-charg-of-the-world stuff!)
I am sure you're getting naturally apprehensive (as well as excited)
as the time for Dennis's first surgery approaches. I seem to remember there's an outstanding juvenile cranio-facial clinic in Philadelphia - associated with Penn, perhaps??
I once had a young library patron who had a different condition but one which also required very specialized facial surgery, and he and his family made repeated trips to Philly for treatment.
Since you're on the west coast, perhaps your doctors could investigate this and fax Dennis's records to Philadelphia for consultation.
I wish I knew more about this so I could offer more exact information - it may or may not be relevent, but for what it's worth, I thought I'd toss the idea out.
Best wishes,
Susan in Ky
Cousin to two from Ukraine
Found it - it's the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, CHOP for short! They have an extensive craniofacial anomaly department that deals with a lot of different conditions, and a good website (you'll have to Google; I was so excited I forgot to mark it!)
Hope this helps...
Susan in Ky
I am honored to read your thoughts and your stories of your family. You are an inspiration to me. What a beautiful family you have. I will pray that the Lord will give you peace about the decisions you all make regarding Dennis' surgeries. You are a blessing...thank you!!
Praying for success with the surgeries.
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