also known as dissolution.
Adopting through a disruption is a huge decision. There is an unspoken expectation that this placement is to be the last placement--- period. It should also be known that mostly older children are disrupted--- above the age of 9. And regardless of whether or not you choose to believe it or not--- these children come to their new families broken and hurting------ and a band aid won't fix it. These children deserve a family that will be with them through thick and thin--- even when they are at their worst.
I have found that these children offer the biggest reward a parent can ever have---- if they are willing to step out of the boat with their mind forever reminded of God's grace and power to heal and change anyone, and their heart able to love even when there's a chance they might not get anything in return.
With that said, I appreciate all of the families that have emailed me about adopting through a disruption. I am just worried that some of you (not all) think that these children are going to be free of issues------ like the first family just couldn't bond or were just too hard on the child. Even if this was true, the child would at least have abandonment and attachment type issues because of the disruption from their first family.
I am no way discouraging you by any means, but I am asking that you carefully consider the possible issues before inquiring about a child, at least that I am advocating for. These issues include anger issues, lying, manipulating, being physical, peeing, pooping, triangulating, academic delays, emotional issues, sexually acting out, and suicidal thoughts. Again I am not trying to discourage you-----my own daughters had many of these issues in their previous families too, but I am trying to inform you so that you don't waste your time inquiring about a child unless you are ready to at least deal with some of these issues.
I personally think that these children also need some time to be the "new" child in the family. I give a minimum of nine months (the length of a pregnancy) for them to not have to compete with the attention of another "new" child in the home. You may not agree with this, but from my experience and discussion with other adoptive families, I have come to the conclusion that this is the optimal environment for a child through a disruption to be able to have this time for adjustment and attachment. I have heard all too often that issues become more apparent when a new baby is born or another child joins the family before the disrupted child has had enough time to bond and have some of their issues worked through. When this happens, a parent can easily become more focused on the "easier" child just because they are not having these same difficult issues and end up exacerbating the situation.
With all that said, my desire is to have even more families come forward with the desire to adopt an older child through a disruption because they now have a little more info to prepare themselves for parenting a child that is coming from a disruption. These children need a fresh start with a family who is willing to love and help them even though they have not yet learned how to express their true feelings, control their emotions, or live life the way it was meant to be lived within the loving boundaries of a forever family.
P.S. If you have adopted a child through a disruption/dissolution I would love for you to share your story.