Well, I do disagree with the hand-smacking. I personally believe that developmentally they need to feel free to explore, which is why baby-proofing is such a great thing. I think hitting can stifle that creativity. I also am pro-choice. Anyway, I respect your parenting choices and support you in them. I love your blog and think you're an amazing person, wife, and mother.
Hi Katie. I appreciate your comment but wanted to get back to you with a couple of thoughts. Smacking the back of the hand when a child is getting into something they shouldn't be is not stifling their creativity. It is teaching children at a young age that there are boundaries and some things are off limits. As adults we are not allowed to go onto other people's property without permission, or go into certain areas of a store, or open people's medicine cabinets in their home. I believe that putting a lock on every cupboard is actually stifling their creativity by making everything off limits. By me teaching that only certain things are off limits, Dennis is able to go and explore all he wants in the safe areas I have made accessible to him.
As far as pro-choice, your comment compelled me to share. Besides thinking of the child who was never given a chance to live, I am totally against abortion because of what a woman goes through after she has had one. Can one even imagine what a woman feels after having her child sucked from her body and thrown in a trash can? The guilt, the sadness, the change in hormones, the inability to forgive themselves.... what about the woman afterwards? So many women walk around with this burden on their shoulders for the rest of their lives..... many live in this deep dark well of secrecy. Abortion may seem like the right choice at the time, but I know in my heart that it is not.... no matter what. Abortion kills the most innocent in the world.
Disclaimer: Please take a moment and click on the green links. I ask that you watch all the way through. Please.
The Kaysers said...
I do have an opinion for you about Dennis. I agree with how you are consistent the way you are raising him and disciplining him. I used to say the things that you say like "good boy" when they make good choices. Then we watched a training video related to our adoption and it opened my eyes to this. I no longer tell my kids they are "good boys/girl" when they obey or make good choices. I simply and happily tell them "good choice". They are good no matter what, because I will love them even when they disobey. This is the point the video made and it made sense to me. It is supposed to convey unconditional love.
I completely agree with you when it comes to an older child (because they need to know that making a bad choice does not make them a bad person), but at age two, I know that Dennis can easily understand "good boy" vs. "You made a good choice." Many mothers not too long ago grew up praising their kids with "good boys" and they turned out all right. ;) To me, this is more a play on words. I know my heart, they know my heart, frankly, I think actions speak louder than words.
Anonymous said...
How irresponsible to take your child out of school to be your unpaid babysitter, especially when she's only 10 years old. Unbelievable.
Oh, give me a big fat break. I know I am quite the contrary. In a new town, I have not had time to interview babysitters, and frankly, I just don't fee comfortable leaving Dennis with just anyone yet. I know he is in good hands with one of his "older" siblings and he loves and trusts them. I believe in teaching family togetherness, and encouraging a sense of loyalty to each other by helping each other out. Seriously, I might be too emotional, you might mistake me for a loud fire engine on occasion, and I have been known to drive my kids nuts with my silly songs and bugging, but I am not an irresponsible parent. If you would like to submit your resume, I will peruse it my earliest convenience to let you know whether or not you got the job.
Update: I am sorry that I forgot to metntion that Julia didn't stay home with the boys when I went to the dentist. She was in the waiting room there watching them. I won't even let my 13 year old son stay by himself for longer than 20 minutes (yet.)
Jess said...
I'm not sure what is black and white about daycare... unless we are talking about institutional care which we know involves deprivation and neglect. There have been many studies looking at daycare and its impact on children and results find no detrimental effect.
Having grown up in daycare and then becoming a latch-key kid, the daycare issue is black or white for me. But that's for me--- right now, and that doesn't mean that I can't support another family who chooses something else for their family. But yes, having experienced first-hand what it was like not having my mother around because she had to work all the time, I choose to stay home with my kids and be home after school when they walk in the door. What amazes me is how some people think that a child needs their mother most when they are very young....yes this may be in part true, but I feel that a child needs their mother the most when they are in their teens. This is when they are spreading their wings, experimenting, making their own decisions, and they need a parent there to guide them, and provide supervision so that they are not left to their own devices. If only I had someone to hold me more accountable... I wouldn't have done half the stuff I did. Now I realize that this may offend some readers, but again these are my feelings, for my family, from my own experience, where I am sharing on my blog. I am not putting anyone else down, because I do know that a child can grow up in daycare and turn out fine.... I did. I just want to be able to be there and provide for my kids the things that I feel I didn't get as a result of having my own mother work. I want to prevent some of the heart ache I went through growing up, and shelter my kids from experiencing the stuff that I did at least until they are eighteen. I know I can't do this 100%, but I do know that by me being home, I will have more of an influence on my kids than if I was preoccupied with work.
TylerandBrianne said...
Totally off topic but I would love to hear what your family have been/is/plan to do to off set the rising cost of EVERYTHING. I am curious in case there is something you are doing that I could start doing. I saw where someone posted this on a ttc site. A few ideas have been helpful. You seem to really have it together.
Costs are rising? Hmm, hadn't noticed. LOL. Just kidding. Honestly, we haven't felt it too much because I am really a penny pincher. We do without many things that other people don't bat an eyelash when they purchase it. Seriously, I am very frugal. From switching our debt from promotional rate to promotional rate early on in our marriage to save on interest charges, to calling and getting a credit when our Internet is out for a few hours, to finishing up a deodorant that is broken by molding it back into shape each time I use it, to not buying expensive greeting cards, to always buying Suave shampoo, to wearing hand me downs, and buying generic brands, to washing the dogs myself, to cutting my kids' hair myself, I have managed to keep our budget in check. But honestly, ever since we began tithing, and realized that God is the best manager of our money, we have always been able to have ends meet. We have both found that God does such a better job of handling our finances than we do.
kathy said...
How did it go getting 15 kids to church??
It went well thank you.
Susan said...
What a delightful little personality Dennis is developing into - lively, curious, active, sweet-natured and affectionate. He's a great little boy.I wonder if some sort of soft patch might help protect his eye and allow him more freedom to rip and romp without fear of injury, until he can have the corrective surgeries (I can just see him as Dennis, the Toddler-Pirate! ;-)).
We wondered the same thing. Actually an eye patch would end up rubbing his membranes and cause more discomfort. Plus, he would just pull it off.
58 comments:
On the daycare issue - I am the child of a single parent, so I spent most of my younger years in daycare. Until pre-school, I stayed with my grandparents during the day, but after that (which was around the time my grandmother started showing signs of Parkinson's), I spent my entire day (7:30am to 5:30pm (or so)) at pre-school, school, and daycare until the age of 10. Being allowed to be home by myself after that was a big help. I had plenty of friends in my same boat, but also many who had one parent or another home with them. And I still to this day have issues. I was very attached to my mother from a young age, which became more so after I started being by myself after school. While being attached doesn't always seem to be a good thing, I also grew up really fast and became independent faster than most other kids as well. I think it was because my mother wasn't home as much and because I knew that I would be fending for myself more often than not. If I have kids, I want to take your route. I don't want to put them in the same situation I grew up with. I don't blame my mother. She had to work and provided a great life for me, but I do wish that she had been around more.
Abortion - never
Daycare - not for my kids
hand-smacking - do it too
"good boy" - as long as he is proud, then praise is praise at that age.
Frugal - do all those things you mentioned too, plus some
I have said it so many times and I will say it so many more...As long as I have my family that's what matters. Material things come and go but your family is forever.
Your doing a great job. I admire you and appreciate you sharing your family with us through your blog.
You go girl!
Hi Christine!
I had my first two boys in daycare while I worked about 25 hours a week. While in many cases it was not the "best" thing for them - but it did help both of them socially and learn how to deal with others (others not related to them that is!) In my circumstance, I found out the hard way that family was not always the best option! When we brought my daughter home two years ago, I made the choice to not return to work and spend my time really focusing on the family. It was a huge adjustment that our family had to make without the contribution of my paycheck and all the benefits I received.. we strapped down, bit the bullet and did it. While not all families even come close to having the option of one parent staying home - I feel very fortunate that I can.
Some kids thrive in daycare - some do not!
I really believe that if folks spent more positive time with their families and less time judging others ways of parenting - they would all be better off!
I love reading your blog - and I have learned alot of some of the things you have shared... I know that each family has their own dynamics and I feel priviledged that you are sharing yours with all of us!
Take care!
Amy
Hi~ I realize that I am coming in the middle of a conversation, but just wanted to make a general comment that I love your blog! Another adoptive mom had recommended it to me and I had not had a chance to visit it yet when you made a comment on our blog and it reminded me...I am so thankful!!! Thanks for being so transparent on your blog...it is refreshing!!!
By the way, when we first pulled up your blog, all of my family agreed that your son Andrew looks just like our son Vitali, especially in the head and hair and the way it grows!!! We were just wondering if Andrew is one of the ones you adopted from Ukraine and if so what region? Vitali is from Zhytomyr Region in Ukraine.
Look forward to reading more post!
Melanie
Christine, I love reading your blog. I also grew up in daycare and was a latch key child. My mom was a single parent. We made the decision that I stay home with our children and teach them in the ways of our Lord. Who better but thier parents. My mom always said how she wished she could be home with us and regrets not being but had no choice. I am also against abortion for religious reason and also the reasons you stated about the depression woman have after they have done it. You are doing a great job, your husband and you as a team. I am so excited to adopt now more so than scared. Before I read your blog I was very scared but trying to trust in the Lord for his sufficiency. Thank you.
holy cow on all those comments. Great job handling them.
I still say that while I agree that it's very important to teach a child 'no' and what areas are off limits, I stand firm with drawing the line when it comes to something potentially life-threatening. Toxic items up high. Pool gates (locked at all times!!!) There are many other ways in which to teach a child to listen! I don't think you and I are in disagreement here - just seems like it doesn't come through so clearly, so some people may be thinking you are trying to teach Dennis these lessons with poisonous items under your kitchen sink, or whatever!
By the way, it does happen that I only comment if I have a different opinion than you - not at all to try and say that you're 'wrong' and I'm 'right', but we experienced mothers learn lots of tidbits from each other by sharing our ideas and thoughts! It's so fun to read your thoughts on raising a big family, because they are in so many ways so similar to my 'ways' to handle things, and to how we grew up (also in a large family.) Continue to enjoy each child - before we know it, they say, the nest is empty! Peggy
wow. I can't believe you didn't answer my question about your dining table. How offensive.
:~P
You go...you OBVIOUSLY love your kids and you OBVIOUSLY spend time and thought into each choice you make for your family.
You are one of my role models, keep the posts coming no matter what anyone says! Cara
www.norbycjukraineangel.blogspot.com
just wanted to say that I think you're awesome... while I know you don't write things on your blog to get praise (or to start disagreements) It does help a mama heart to know that she is not alone! Thanks for always honestly sharing!
Hey Christine. I just wanted to add one thing, besides boundaries, you are teaching - self-control. Self-control is not taught when a child cannot get into something; it is taught when a child sees something available and knows he shouldn't touch it, and then acts on that knowledge. Our world is full of people who act on impulse, take what they want, when they want it and have developed no sense of delayed gratification. I could go on and on with this, (maybe I will on my blog). But, I'm totally with you on the "not child proofing every single nook and cranny of my house!" (except the cleaners under the sink, that's child-proofed)
Great job on answering all those questions! I honestly think the opinions of others should be kept to themselves sometimes! (Especially since you have opened up your life to so many people). Your kids are beautiful and seem very happy and well-adjusted!
You are doing a GREAT job. Too bad anonymous posters who feel they need to say something but won't stand behind their convictions enough to provide their own name, think they might know better. It seems like your life is pretty interesting to them though! You should be flattered! You are a great mother and don't let those anonymoust critics get to you.
Dianna
I just HAD to respond when I read about the woman worried about "stifling" her childs creativity! That statement just about made my juice shoot out my nose.
I've always been in awe of the rash of poorly behaved children that seem to plague resturants, shopping malls and the like. Children who are in total control of their parents.
Children NEED boundries. They need tasks and rules. In fAct children desire them. Giving a child boundries makes them feel in control of themselves. And they feel a sense of acomplishemet.
"stifiling creativity" what a horrid way of excusing an inibility to either want or be able to be in control of your children.
Oh, and I mean "control" (only word I can come up with) as in basic boundries, manners rules to follow.
I know of children dennis's age who can sit in a restrant and quietly draw and eat. The key... Is to take responsibility and know when that child is too tired or cranky to go. To know that children aren't little adults who can sit for hours... Or shop for hours.
Children who are very poorly behaved are that way because of the PARENTS. A child will not know right from wrong or what is dangerous or not unless they are taught.
Oh and as for creativity, that come from something as simple as banging on pots to as complex as playing on a piano. NOT from opening(or not being allowed to) a door.
Off my soap box now.
Laura(I have five kids)
daycare issue? no way, no how and i dont care how poor we get or if my mortgage payment is on time or if our credit takes a dive. i am here and that is that. the hand smacking? im more of a yeller lol and as far as the guy with the attitude about you taking your kid outta school to watch Dennis? well.. if you were homeschooling it wouldnt have been a big deal, so why is it so huge to pull her from public school? i doubt she missed much@@(and yes, my kids are in public school)that guy is a the biggest TOOL!
I am so glad you mentioned the effects a WOMAN feels after and adoption. A neighbor of mine got an abortion. I found out because she left the "post procedure" papers lying around the house. I was babysitting for her younger siblings and her then 10 year old brother asked what an abortion was. I had to deal with that, and quickly hide the papers! My point is, this woman had so many emotional issues after that. She got pregnant again just over a year later. She went on to have that baby and is raising her. Having this child caused her to grieve and deal with the emotions of the abortion all over again because then, she realized what could have been. Abortion isn't just about the baby, it's about the Mom who have NO IDEA what they will go through after losing that child.
I agree with everything you posted! We discipline very similarly. Finally, someone who can understand where I am coming from on parenting! Yeah! Very well said! You go girlfriend and thank you for your honesty! :)
YES! You GO girl! Way to lay it on the line, honestly (and with a touch of humor)! Keep it up.
We're struggling with the daycare issue right now (in fact, I just blogged about it last night). I'm wanting desperately, trying everything I can think of to stay home with the kiddos. It's SO important. More important than the latest styles, satellite TV and my cell phone. Now, I may draw the line at leaving my hair dresser, but then again, that's what my freelance writing check is for! :)
I'm with ya hon! Stay the course...and don't back down.
I would like to respond to the lady who said you are an irresponsible mother because you took your child out of school to babysit. Well you can add me to that irresponsibility aswell. I recently had to take my 6yr old daughter to have her penicillan allergy tested. This is a long process and my hubby was at work, so I "let" my oldest daughter take time out from school to look after my two youngest boys in the waiting area of the doctors surgery. She is a very good student and didn't fall behind in her work in those few hours she was'nt there as I'm sure Christines daughter did'nt. If my child was a poor student I would not have done so. So please walk a day in Christines shoes before you condenm(spelling?) her.
Holy cow! Some of those comments are so out there! Stifling creativity!!?? Seriously! It's not like you are sticking your kid in a box and denying them access to music and crayons for all eternity. How else are kids suppose to learn consequences, boundaries, limits... And the "babysitter comment," that is seriously unbelievable. That person obviously has some issues. If you had gotten just any ol' babysitter, that same person would have probably posted about how irresponsible you were to let "just anyone" care for Dennis. You can't please everyone.
You are doing an awesome job. :)
Erica
Hi Christine,
I love reading your blog. I love how honest and transparent you are. For some, it's inspiration, for others it's a new perspective, for many it's encouragement, and for a few it may be a source of dispute. But please don't stop sharing. I appreciate that you're willing to share your "smiles and trials".
Not being a parent myself, I can't really comment on any of this.
Besides. I'm just dropping in to say hi and that we miss you and love you all a lot. Hope to see you soon.
Love,
Cousin Matt + Jenn
PS: thanks a bunch Chris for helping me unlock myself out of my own website! LOL
You bare your soul and are very open and honest with your blogging. Naturally not everyone that reads is going to agree with everything 100% all the time BUT it is your blog. I wish the negative people would stop leaving the negative comments. If they don't like what they read, then why do they continue to click on Smiles & Trials? You are younger than my daughter, she's the 5th generation of an only child on my father's side, I had a career mother that was on call 24/7 with her hospital job but I never was in day care (Did it even exist in the 50's?), I worked PT while my daughter was growing up but she never was in day care and we live on opposite sides of our great US. OK, we don't have a common background but I love reading about your family, all the love you have for your children and husband and think you are a fantastic lady. You do such good in helping place children that are from disrupted adoptions. Keep up your blogging as I love reading it each day.
I know, I know I stepped off my soap box already. I just had to say how nice it is to see others who agree with me on how absurd the "stifiling creativity" comment was. I am still laughing out loud every time I think of it.
Oh! And today I "stifled" the creativity of my son bradly by telling him no when he went to open the basement door. I guess my son will never have a creative bone in his poor little body!(if you don't get that I am being sarcastic..)
Christine, would you prefer not to hear from people who disagree? In my view, everyone seems to be civil and nice about it, including me:) I personally enjoy the exchange of ideas. You and some other posters seem like from a different world from me and it makes me curious.
Of course we are all informed by our personal experiences, adore our kids, and strive to do right by them. But we each have to forge our own path and see where it leads. Not sure how one can assume someone else's experience, whether in parenting or decisions like abortion.
I think I know where you are coming from, anon, and doubt you are implying setting no boundaries at all. I do hope parents out there are not truly trusting their toddlers to exercise self- control and stay safe when not supervised. There have been too many tragedies.
Amazing what it takes to get the lurkers out (me included).
I am mom to 2 young adults. I stifled their creativity with hand smacks, timeouts, and occasionally a good swat on the behind. (I tried to reserve that for willful defiance and putting self or others in danger).
I also felt strongly about no daycare; having been in daycare and latchkey kid myself I did not want that for my children. It was not always easy. I helped out by doing all the same frugal things you do and I used my abilities as a seamstress to work from home at times. I also did home based daycare for a few years. We decided to bring our kids home to school and my husband promptly lost his job. Satan was having a field day but by the grace of God, family and friends we made it through that first year and my husband landed a good job. Then 5 years later we back in the same boat due to health issues; again we made it through.
My stifled kids are now 25 - a graphic artist and 22 - junior kinesiology major. They have the greatest imaginations and wonderfully well adjusted, sensitive individuals.
I love watching your family grow together. Keep up the great job!
I want to share a different side of abortion. 41 years ago my mother had a man asking her to marry him but she didn't know if she loved him. One night she made love to an old lover for reasons that are none of our business. She ended up pregnant with a baby she did not want. My mother flew out of the country and had a safe, legal, wanted abortion. The man who had proposed so many times flew with her and took care of her during her recovery. This act of devotion allowed my mother to see that she really did love this man and she did want to marry him. 39 1/2 years later my parents have a beautiful, strong marriage. My sister and I are here because of that abortion. I work in a job that most of you could never dream of handling, dealing with sick, often abused children. If my mom had not had that abortion I would not have been born and not been able to take care of these wonderful but needy children.
Sometimes abortion is good.
All of my children have been in daycare, and Oskar will go to pre school when he comes home. They will be fine because they are loved and well taken care of. I choose to work full time, and I have never felt guilty for it. Some moms choose to stay home, and that is their choice. I had a stay at home mom, and to be honest, I wished she would have worked. She had poor self esteem, and when my father's health grew poor and she had to get her first job when I was 15, it hurt to see how hard it was for her, and that the only one she could get was at a grocery store. That will never happen to me. I am lucky though, I get off by 4 pm most days(no weekends), and the bus lets off at our house at 3:50. In reality I could quit, but we would have to give up a lot. I put it to a vote once. I made a list of all the things that would have to go, and the kids said they didn't mind if I kept working lol. To each his own. My children did great in daycare. A.J. went to a Christian day care and was able to take computer and gymnastics classes. She loved it and still asks to go visit. It would be very nice to go part time, and in the future, I hope to be able to do that. Oh, I did want to add that when my kids were little(up to about 3 years) they did not go to daycare. Miranda stayed with her grandma, and A.J. stayed with my best friend's mom(who was like a grandma to her). I was able to go on my lunch break each day and nurse her. I would have to think long and hard about putting a little one in daycare.
Okay, I'm back on here - I'm going to explain my 'anonymous' status, and also that I will always sign my name (Peggy), tho' the first couple times I commented, I did not sign my name. I'm under anonymous because I don't have an 'up and running' blog. Had one going for a short time a couple years ago with a few friends, but it fizzled. I still love to read my sister's and a friend's blog regularly, and have bumped into your blog, and love reading it. I'm hooked!!
I do only comment if there's something that I have a different idea than you do, and not to try say I'm 'right', as I explained earlier, but just because I love to exchange ideas with others. I guess part of the reason I'm 'hooked' is because I do love another person's perspective (and on here get quite a few people's perspectives!) But, if you would rather that I do not comment, just mention it here and I will gracefully bow out. I'm not anonymous so I don't have to stand behind my word. Just because I don't have a blog going myself. Maybe because I have 7 young children and I can read these few blogs daily as I'm holding one of my little ones, but don't feel that I personally have the time just now to keep a blog.
Sincerely, Peggy
I did not get the impression from Christines's post that she did not welcome comments. Yes I am the crazy lady that asked about ways Christine has cut cost.
Regina
well, Im gonna chip in here too. I believe that if you want to have children, than your responsibilty is to be a MOTHER. If you want to work out of your home and have a "job" than you should NOT have children. Look at our wonderful christine, she has 11 beautiful children and is able to have all the comforts of home.
I am greatly offended by the belief that if you do NOT work you are less of a person. People have issues and problems because of their own emotional and physical makeup. NOT because they don't leave the house each day and "earn" a pay check.
If you go to ANY child and say "well if mommy quits her job your not going to have cable or nintendo anymore" they are going to shoot their hands up and say "I want cable"
Children are not dogs. You can't have them and then decide you don't want to take care of them anymore.
The moment you have a child YOUR wants become LEAST important.
If you want to be a mother BE A MOTHER.
If you want to cater to your wants and needs as a working woman be that.
And don't go giving me some excuse on how you couldn't have blah,blah,blah if you weren't working. As I said before look a christine. Look at the billions of MOTHERS who care for their children every single day on a single income even in this day of struggling economy and high costs.
If you want something that you only have to take care of I the mornings, weekends and after you get home from work. GET A CAT.
A very upset MOTHER 24/7 to my beautiful children who will never feel abandoned,never feel mom thinks her needs are more important, and who buys bulk.
My goodness, I have to agree with Laurbear!
Oh, and for someone to think that leaving on their "lunch break" to breast feed their child is a good, healthy thing frightens me. How completely disturbing for someone to think that is enough. Leaving a still breast feeding infant to go work at some "job"???? How abusive to that childs needs. Yes ABUSIVE. To leave an infant like that, an infant I the vital stages of bonding,of emotional growth is horrible. If you didn't want to take carr of that poor living,breathing and dependent on the love of others individual...why on earth did you have it!!!!???
I am disturbed and disgusted
Anne(sorry I don't have a blog) but I do have a yahoo account which doesn't openid with this)
Every night when I tuck my youngest son into bed, I tell him three things; (a) He is a good boy, (b) I love him and, (c) Good Night (in Russian naturally). You see, he was never told he was a good boy - just the opposite. The hugs I get are irreplaceable. Spank them on the back of the hand when they do something wrong - guilty.
And to close, seventeen years ago my wife gave up her career as an attorney to stay at home with our kids. We live on one income of less than $90,000 and homeschool our kids all six of them.
God Bless -
Whew, thats a lot to digest in that post.
Reading the criticism of some, I think they're just reacting in a defensive way because they know they fall short. Disagreement is fine, and can be encouraged for discussion & growing purposes, but there has to be a level of respect that comes with it.
I agree with you about the smacking the hand thing. I do NOT believe in spankings or ANY other type of physical punishment in ANY other circumstance, but that is DIRECT - it's "if you touch this, you will get hurt" rather than "you did this so i'm going to hurt you." i will never spank my children because i don't want to become someone who they see as capable of truly hurting them... but a small smack on the hand when they are toddlers isn't going to scar them for life.
daycare is mixed for me - my Mom had to go back to work after my father abandoned us. my Grandpa paid for my sister to go to "private daycare" at someone's house who had a license to provide daycare in her home, and it turned out great. during the summers, between school years, i joined her, and we had the BEST time - we got GREAT socialization with the 5 or so other kids there, but also 1-on-1 attention - homemade lunches, sliced fruit for snacks, trips to the park, 1/2hr tv time just before nap, naps in actual beds, it was a PERFECT solution once not being at home was no longer an option.
frankly, it might have been even better in some ways because we were with other kids and still had focused attention, rather than ONLY knowing our parents in our home. this woman had 2 of her own children there also, and she treated ALL of us equally... my Mom liked knowing she had kids too because she knew that we were being cared for by another mother when she couldn't care for us during the day.
and the abortion thing... in my eyes it's not "pro-life," i believe it's "pro-murder." this view was cemented when a friend of mine had an abortion. the devastation NEVER ENDS. EVER. especially when they realize that their child was an innocent victim of circumstances beyond its control. stating that i believe it is "pro-murder" is sure to bring me criticism... maybe even by you, although you agree abortion is wrong... but that's my belief. i have no right to judge people, but i will never back down from what i konw is God's Word.
- michelle
I want to comment on Jenna's comment. I do not believe that abortion is EVER good. However, as a Christian I think God can work ALL things together for his good. He ALLOWED something good to come out of that abortion. I realize she may or may not read this, and may or may not be a Christian, just from my perspective, the abortion was not good in itself however, SOMETHING good came out of it. And who is to say that nothing else could have showed her Mom that she loved this man besides ending the life of a child inside her?
My Dad was stabbed 37 times by his ex wife who had a mental illness. Because of this he divorced her, moved to my state, met my mom and married her hence, I am here today. It does not mean it was GOOD that his ex wife almost murdered him, it just means something good came out of what proceeded.
I'm not gonna chime in on the issue of abortion here or the issue of daycare.
I cannot however stay quiet when I read a comment that-I context- says that women who don't have "jobs" are somehow inferior.
I could go on for pages but, I think it was said well enough by Laurbear.
Then again, anyone who belives that taking a "lunch break" to breast feed an infant constitutes good
mothering...or good morals and values...states quite clearly whether we should take them seriously.
I absolutely welcome ALL comments on my blog unless they are downright vulgar. I am a big girl and can handle them, as I am sure you all are, and I truly take the time to read them, think about them, and respond when possible. This whole digest thing is going to become a regular thing so that I could hold myself accountable and answer everyone's questions.
Interesting to read first time commenters, thanks for delurking.
I will only ask that everyone try to respect each other and remember first and foremost that we all love our children even though we might not all agree with how we mother.
Now how about a good circumcision post? :)
How can a person be against Christine slapping a child's hand due to worries about stifling creativity and remain pro-choice? I'm much more concerned about the creativity stifled by innocent lives snuffed out.
Christine is my beloved sister-in-law - yet we do NOT think with the same brain. She and I, like all of us, are different - if we were meant to be the same, we would have been created the same.
I like that she sparks our interest and MAKES us think about these important issues, even if we do not all always agree. It's important to consider all sides and exceptions. Sometimes, there is more than only ONE right answer.
For the record:
Abortion - CHOICE. It is way too deeply personal for the state to be involved. There are too many 'buts'... many of my 'buts' involve the fact of unwanted children being abused for years until murdered. Just one of many things to think of.
Daycare - Like use of formula instead of breastfeeding, not perfect, but should be based on the needs of the child and parents.
hand-smacking - Like any form of spanking (NOT beating), it depends on the kid. We do not do it. But, if I had a choice of a smacked hand or a kid who refused to stop reaching for hot pans on the stove - I'd smack with no regrets. You cannot child-proof the world, you have to 'proof' the child.
"good boy" - Just words. It's the tone and attitude behind it that matters. Kids know.
Frugal - It's not just saving money. It's about saving the planet - protecting our children's future.
Well this comment section is burning!!!
For me, I'm "pro-choice" but I do not believe abortion is right in most cases. It frightens me to think of our government taking control of a woman most personal/physical and emotional aspects of their lives. Government should never have control over a humans reproductive choices....no matter how wrong we think it is.
I believe what SHOULD be done is greater funds towards education of abstinance,birth control and the like.
Once again, it terrifies me to think of the government being in control of a womans body.
But, I do not believe abortion is right in most situations.
However in these situations I belive abortion is warrented
Rape
Devistating birth defects in which the child would only live a few hours in pain and suffering
The woman life is in grave danger.
Also, justal as many woman have abortions and walk away fully emotionaly intact knowing that what they did was the right thing. They never have any emotional scars.
Abortion is a heated issue but, whether you agree with it or not, allowing our government to take control of our most personal physical choices is wrong.
well, Im just amazed by the volume of comments here.
I just had to shake my head though when I read about the "lunch break breast feeder" what's next, hiring a "potty trainer" or how's about a "nose wiper-diaper cleaner?" wonder what the rates would be??
"lunch break breast feeder" if it wasn't so sad/wrong and sickening I'd be laughing.
Some of the responses to Shea seem very judgemental and mean-spirited. She had a grandma and a grandma-type loving friend taking care of her children. In addition, she made the time to go and nurse when she could during the workday. Maybe it isn't ideal, but it's not abusive by any stretch. When my first was a newborn, my MIL, her loving g'ma, watched her. I didn't have much maternity leave. I pumped during my lunch and I nursed whenever else I could. That is called making the best of it. My daughter was adored and cared for by loving relatives. I missed her during the workday but I think *she* was fine. (She is now 15 and we have an incredible bond and she is a wonderful girl) My dh felt we absolutely needed the income at that point. We live modestly. As soon as his income reached a point that we could live off it, I stayed home (when #2 was born). Most people really love their children and try to do the best for them. To call it abusive or laughable when someone tries to make the best of a situation by putting their kids in one-on-one care w/ people who love them *and* supplementing it with nursing when they can is not easy and should not be ridiculed. It is being creative and loving and compromising. And BTW daycare/preschool isn't always a horrible thing either. NOBODY said anyone was less of a person for not working outside the home; nobody even implied it. Shea was speaking of her own mother's situation and of course that experience shaped her perception, just as everyone's do. --Julie
I can't ever imagine losing a child due to a fatal disease that takes it's life hours after birth. However, how can abortion then be justified? Have you done your research? Abortion IS painful. Studies have shown the baby MOVES AWAY from the poison they put in to murder it. The solution chemically burns the child. This is the most common method of abortion, not to mention the many other horrific forms.
A woman makes her choice when she chooses to have sex. If the woman isn't prepared to deal with any consequences, good or bad, she shouldn't be having sex and getting pregnant.
When it comes to rape well, I can't imagine that either but, the child didn't ask for that, why should the woman have ALL the rights and the child doesn't have any? Maybe free counseling and other services would be a better way to handle these cases.
We have to many options today to just "get rid of" the baby. Thousands of families want children and can't have them.
Back to the terminally ill child: As a Christian I believe my God is a healer and the God of miracles. By ending a childs life I deny his ability to heal the child, thwart his chances of being faithful, and say I don't trust him. It has happened folks, babies who were "destined to die" beat the odds and lived, and were even born 100% healthy. Genetic testing has false positives, how many healthy babies are getting murdered?
What is Abortion?
Suction Aspiration
This is the most common method of abortion during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. General or local anaesthesia is given to the mother and her cervix is quickly dilated. A suction curette (hollow tube with a knife-edged tip) is inserted into the womb. This instrument is then connected to a vacuum machine by a transparent tube. The vacuum suction, 29 times more powerful than a household vacuum cleaner, tears the fetus and placenta into small pieces which are sucked through the tube into a bottle and discarded.
Dilation and Curettage (D&C)
This method is similar to the suction method with the added insertion of a hook shaped knife (curette) which cuts the baby into pieces. The pieces are scraped out through the cervix and discarded [Note: This abortion method should not be confused with a therapeutic D&C done for reasons other than pregancy.]
Dilation and Evacuation (D&E)
This method is used up to 18 weeks' gestation. Instead of the loop-shaped knife used in D&C abortions, a pair of forceps is inserted into the womb to grasp part of the fetus. The teeth of the forceps twist and tear the bones of the unborn child. This process is repeated until the fetus is totally dismembered and removed. Usually the spine must be snapped and the skull crushed in order to remove them.
alt Poisoning (Saline Injection):
Saline Injection (click for larger image)Used after 16 weeks (four months) when enough fluid has accumulated. A long needle injects a strong salt solution through the mother's abdomen into the baby's sac. The baby swallows this fluid and is poisoned by it. It also acts as a corrosive, burning off the outer layer of skin. It normally takes somewhat over an hour for the baby to die from this. Within 24 hours, labor will usually set in and the mother will give birth to a dead or dying baby. (There have been many cases of these babies being born alive. They are usually left unattended to die. However, a few have survived and later been adopted.)
Prostaglandin Chemical Abortion
Prostaglandin Abortion (click for larger image)This form of abortion uses chemicals developed by the Upjohn Pharmaceutical Co. which cause the uterus to contract intensely, pushing out the developing baby. The contractions are more violent than normal, natural contractions, so the unborn baby is frequently killed by them -- some have even been decapitated. Many, however, have also been born alive.
Hysterotomy or Caesarean Section
Used mainly in the last three months of pregnancy, the womb is entered by surgery through the wall of the abdomen. The technique is similar to a Caesarean delivery, except that the umbilical cord is usually cut while the baby is still in the womb, thus cutting off his oxygen supply and causing him to suffocate. Sometimes the baby is removed alive and simply left in a corner to die of neglect or exposure.
Partial-Birth Abortion
Five steps to a partial birth abortion:
1. Partial Birth Abortion (click for larger image)Guided by ultrasound, the abortionist grabs the baby's legs with forceps.
2. The baby's leg is pulled out into the birth canal.
3. The abortionist delivers the baby's entire body, except for the head.
4. Partial Birth Abortion (click for larger image)The abortionist jams scissors into the baby's skull. The scissors are then opened to enlarge the skull.
5. The scissors are removed and a suction catheter is inserted. The child's brains are sucked out, causing the skull to collapse. The dead baby is then removed.
I not gonna comment on the abortion issue.
But I did have to comment on the "lunch break breast feeder"
Well, perhaps some of the comments were not very kind but, wjen someone almost condemns stay at home moms well...mama tiger comes out claws and all.
I am also horrified by the image of a still breast feeding infant being handed off to another.
No matter how loving the individual, I could never leave my own Infant as I trapised off to work some job.
And I'm not goig to even try to explain how I'm still confused that for some reason people just suddenly can't seem to function without two incomes. Boggles the mind that cable, video games and other luxarys are seen as every day things that people "can't do without" I really must laugh.
When I stand here and defend stay at home moms I'm really defending the children. Children who are sadly being g shown more often than not that they don't count as much as moms selfish needs...and that cable..bizzarly is a nessessity.
I still don't think there was anything condemning toward SAHMs; I am one myself and I didn't see it that way. I saw shea clearly talking about her own mom and how she was influenced by her. Nothing close to what came back at her for mentioning nursing her baby during lunch breaks. Babies can nurse for a long time,too; we don't know the age of the baby she was referring to. Also, she chose to nurse which is more difficult than bottle-feeding if you are apart. This was putting her child above what was easier/more convenient for herself. I don't know about shea's situation, but we didn't have video games or cable or anything like that when I was working full-time. We chose the double-income to pay the mortgage for our small home. These are such personal choices and it is hard to know each situation, but the judging and ridiculing can be very hurtful.
--Julie
I have to respond to laurbear. I understand you are offended by people saying that if you are "just a mother" then you aren't as great as a person. That's offensive to me as well.
But what's also offensive to me is that you seem to be saying that a working mom is a bad mom and as a woman who has to work, she shouldn't even have children. I honestly find that statement more offensive.
No one knows every family's circumstances and what is going on in their household. You seem to be jugding women who are working outside the home, and yet taking umbrage at people judging women who don't work outside the home. How about respecting women in general and respecting that they may have to work to put food on the table, not to buy their child Nintendo.
I don't have children, and I hope that I don't have to work, but I cannot agree with the idea that because I may, that means I shouldn't have children at all because I'm selfish and a bad mother.
While Shea's choice to work is not my choice, I do think that her commitment to nurse her child when she could have just as easily given her a bottle should be commended not condemned.
Jenna, you last statement, "Sometimes abortion is good," makes my skin crawl. How can you even say that? A better act of devotion would have been for your mother's boyfriend to accept the fact that she slept with someone else, forgiven her, and risen above it by raising that child as if it was his own. And whose to say that if that had happened you would not be here today? To me, that is suggesting that you could tell the future. Definitely not a note worthy love story in my opinion when their foundation of love is based on the death of an innocent life.
Wow, lots of discussion!
Just a few comments.
Peggy - FYI, you don't have to have a blog to have an id. I have an id but absolutely no interest in my own blog.
To those who comment about Mom's who go back to work and still commit to breastfeeding them. We don't know the circumstances behind the decision to work, some really don't have a choice but they make huge sacrifices to give their children the best they can. I was a SAHM who tried to support my working friends with as much encouragement and help as I could.
Abortion - I am deeply saddened that human life has so little value in this culture. The arguement is always about the mom, it's the mom's body, etc. It takes two to make a baby, what about the father's rights? In the cases of rape, incest, or a mother's life in danger - it is not the child's fault. I knew a mom years ago whose first child was dearly loved - and the result of a rape. She would not have traded that son for anything. When you hear about the mother's life being in danger it is usually the mother giving up her life so that the child can live. It is a touchy subject but I don't believe abortion is ever justified. I shudder at China's one child policy and often wonder if they have killed the person who would be the genius that provides solutions to how to feed everyone.
Christine - keep up the good work!
Not that I feel I have to support my life choices to anyone, but at the time my daughter was born(6 years ago), we were severely in debt. My husband had been off work for a month(I went back at 8 weeks), and if I did not work, we would not have been able to keep our home much less eat(oh and to throw it into the mix, we had a house fire when I was 8 months pregnant). Thanks Christine for your kind comments and each and everyone else who remembered that the bible says not to judge. My youngest daughter never received a singe bottle from me, and I proudly breastfed her for 13 months. I will also says my oldest daughter(13 tomorrow) was formula fed. Both girls are exceptionally bright, well adjusted, and loved. To each his own. God Bless.
I have a great deal of respect and admiration for SAHMs. And yes, I hope to be able to stay at home someday soon. However, being a working mom does not make me a bad mom. I am quite frankly surprised at how harsh some of these comments and opinions have been. Wow.
"working mom" is an oxymoron. Plain and simple. If you've made the decision to have kids, you've made the decision to be a mom. To work all day while you have infants and young children is self centered.
Key to good parenting is a high level of love and support coupled with clear structure and boundaries. That leaves a lot of leeway for parents to make different choices and yet still raise great kids. We as parents cant offer a perfect life for our children, even if there was such a thing. Kids in the same family can grow up and have very different perspectives on their childhood and their family. One might grow up thinking it was absolutely fabulous to have mom at home or to have a big family, while another found the same family upbringing as a struggle and wants to go in a different direction as a parent. One grows up thinking parent's particular discipline was stifling or overcontrolling and they would never do the same to their own kids, while another thinks it helped them stay on the right path and stay connected. That's the wonder of human kind- we are so diverse and multifaceted.
Holy cow! I guess we all have something to say about this stuff. Thanks for giving everyone a place to "vent", Christine! It seems like most of us have very similar views about discipline and parenting, we just have to tweak it for what works in each family. Thanks for keeping your blog such a lively place! Maybe when our kids come home from Ukraine I'll have more interesting stuff to post! :)
Christine, what encouraging, thought provoking, heart-felt and gracious answers. Thanks. I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Thanks so much for sharing, and thanks for keeping it real.
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