Since I have gotten many responses on this blog and off with such differing opinions, I wanted to elaborate a bit more. Thanks for all of your comments as you have given me much to think about.
My intention of this post was for me to share three main points about dating and waiting till marriage.
1. My desire is for my kids to wait until they are married before they have sex.
2. I want my kids to focus on God, school, family and friends until they get out of high school because they will be more mature, it is the right time to start dating in my opinion, and there will be less temptation to give into peer pressure if they know and embrace the boundaries we have set before them. I never had a school crush end where I didn't end up strongly disliking the person because I was hurt or rejected by them. I spent way to much time chasing boys and not enough time on focusing on things that I should have been. I JUST WANT MY KIDS TO WAIT!
3. I have had numerous crushes and have dated several men and I regret them all. However, I had many friendships that showed me what I was really looking for in a guy. John and I both feel that when two people love like Christ calls them to love, all marriages could work. I want my kids to go into a boy-girl relationship only if they feel that the person could be their spouse. If they have a regular friendship with someone of the opposite sex, that is okay because they are not dating, and if it turns into more, great!
Hopefully this clears things up a bit.
12 inspiring thoughts:
Hi! I didn't read the earlier post, but I agree with you, that the 'kids' should wait with sex until marriage.
That is my opinion, too, going right along with the bible. That is what I am teaching my children NOW, that I am a born again Christian.
However, when I was young, I didn't live my life like that , but that is a different story.
Also, we can only guide and tell our children for so long. Sooner or later they leave house and make their own choices. And sometimes, they do exactly what the parents did....although they know now, they shouldn't .... and these kids just don't listen and have their own free will!!
What I do? I pray...
♥ I agree! :)
Boy, that's a toughie! As a parent, I really want my kids to wait until after high school for the whole relationship thing. I had boyfriends on and off during high school and college and I wish I hadn't. I was immature and not a good judge of character and the experiences served more to hurt than to help my growing up process. There is tremendous pressure in a relationship, that coupled with an over-sexed media and a teen-agers impression that they are already adults and able to make adult decisions... my children are still under age 5 and I'm already praying about this time in their lives.
You do not need to defend yourself. The first post was AWESOME and I SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO agree with you!!!!!!
There is no reason to defend yourself...this is your blog- your home for YOUR thoughts. You post whatever you need to say. This is such a tough issue and so hard to get the desired result from the world we live in. I am scared to even think about my children being tweens or teens and having to face all of this.
In the role of youth ministry and now as "dorm parents," Scott and I have witnessed many teenage relationships and see absolutely nothing good come from them. Not only do we have regrets from our past experiences, we see day in and day out the torture teens put each other through and want none of that for our kids. Teenagers are walking hormones! (Especially boys!) Teen romance appears cute sometimes, but I have seen too many kids let other areas of their lives suffer for the sake of romance. Not to mention the countless tears I've had to wipe away. No thanks. We've already started preparing our kids for the no dating rule.
I didn't get a chance to comment on the other post but I am saying "preach on sista". I did not date until I was 34, yes, you heard that right! Married at 35! First Child at 40 and he was already 3.....God does have a sense of humor and never has our sense of timing! ;) Now, I can promise you that it was not by my choice....I certainly had "my own plans". The rejection feelings of not dating all of those years has been hard to get thru but the benefits are hard not to shout from the roof tops. I only dated....and eventually kissed my now wonderful, wonderful husband. I know now that God was totally and I believe supernaturally protecting me from all of the heartache and eventual comparing of relationships that I know I would have done! Although no boy ever asked me out until that magical age of 34, I sure did like a bunch of them. I learned early though, thanks to some wonderful folks in my life, to not waste the time moaning and groaning. I spent most of that time learning and reading all of those "dating" books previously mentioned in your other posts. And, from all of the book knowledge and my own experiece with the main impact coming from the Word of God, I truly believe that the "world's" version of dating is just not helpful in finding that great relationship of a lifetime. The biggest thing that we are going to teach Nick is to focus on his heart protection as well as the other person's heart protection. Treat other's as you want to be treated. Only pursue something further if you are ready for a mortgage, car payment, and possibley children, if not, just continue a reationship that protects each others hearts. Travel, do mission trips, find your passion in life, Seek ye first the Kingdom.....The world will never see this as normal, NEVER. But, I can truly say that although I spend my share of time in the wilderness, I know that my personal love story was written by God and is a testimony by His Grace of how truly wonderful having a protected heart for all of those years can lead to an unbelievable marriage...but again it is learning that servant lifestyle and putting other's hearts before yours....it works well in all relationships....If we really do this, dating would not really be necessary until they are mentally and spiritually ready. I think if every one is looking to protect their hearts as well as looking out for their friends, then healthy friendship can develop at the right time and eventually turn into a great relationships. Just my jumbled thoughts but I think talking about this with your kids now is awesome. Love this topic as it is very dear to my heart....can you tell? :) Karen
I agree with you, I'd like these things for my own kids too. We just had this sex discussion once again tonight due to one of my boys bringing up the teen STD article from the news. I believe God gives us rules and guidelines to live by for our own protection because he loves us so much and doesn't want to see us get hurt(emotionally or physically). I'm glad that He loves us that much!!
Christine! Bless you.
We taught our boys exactly that! Wait. Wait for a serious relationship until you are READY to marry.
All of them waited until they were in college and were able to marry, except 1. (our oldest) He is happily married to the 2nd girl he began to date.
The other guys, married girls with the same convictions. 2 of our guys are married to sisters.
All of them have wonderful marriages. They all figured out how to kiss, and how to get along and NONE of them have any regrets.
In fact, they have thanked us for steering them in that direction.
They did know other girls, but none of them ever kissed a girl until they were engaged. They asked the father for permission, and they all were chaperoned by each other until the wedding. Not because we didn't trust them, we did. They put these restrictions on themselves, to remain above reproach.
We love ALL of our daughters' in law. They are truly special people.
We hope to instill the same thing with our little girlies. They have big brothers and sisters to look up to for guidance and we are already teaching them now, that boys are for the future.
We are praying for their future spouses, just like we did for our son's future spouses. Our daughter's in law have thanked us for praying for them.
One time while having a discussion on marriage with the guys, we took a wrapped piece of chewing gum and hand them hold it and we kept passing it around while we were talking. When we were done talking, we asked "who wants to eat the chewing gum?" Nobody wanted to . The wrapper was all messed up and so was the gum, from people holding it. We said, why not, nobody has chewed it! Go ahead! Nobody wanted to.
We asked them to let that be an object lesson for dating. Our hearts are not the same if we give them away, even though we remain pure in body.
just a thought.
Hi! I ran across your blog and I love it! I am only 20, and I've never had a serious relationship. I am saving myself for marriage, and don't want to date anyone but the person I am going to marry. Yes, I've been on dates but if I can't see myself married to them, then I stop it. I'm still in college so no rush, but it's so hard with what the world tells you. I know one day it will be well worth the wait!
Christine, Thank you for your input on this subject. I agree with you totally and began having very open conversations with my now 16 year daughter when she was about 11 or 12. Of course, I also reminded her of the facts that go along with sex-STD's, AIDS, Babies,etc. She was very much a part of my pregnancies with her brothers and was in the room when I had them and I think that in itself was a sex detterrant for her. It has been very tough for her to "just be friends", with out the "boyfriend" word attached. I have let her decide if she wanted a boyfriend, and she has told all of them that "she doesn't date someone exclusively" and "doesn't have Boyfriends" only friends that are boys. She has been teased and accused of being "gay", but she is very strong willed and has stood by her convictions. There was one boy that she considered her "best friend" and he has gone off to college and I think she regrets not letting him know how much she really cared for him. But in the long run, she has also realized how immature they both still are and knows she really wasn't ready for a relationship. It is ideal, to save one self, but yes it is tough for our kids to stand by that decision.
I like your view on this topic. I totally, totally agree on the no premarital sex! I had to think a bit about the dating until 18 but when I think back on my teen years, the 1 guy I very briefly dated was a nice guy but I to this day am a bit repulsed by the fact I dated him. I didn't even so much as kiss him because we were brought up to only date if you think you could marry the guy. I knew within weeks that I couldn't marry him. I actually was almost 18 too. I had lots and lots of guy friends however, and in groups of other friends, was able to tell over time, without dating any of them, that they weren't my type, even if I had kind of crushed on a few of them! :) Then my husband came along and I knew that he was very special and told a close friend of mine that if I marry, I hope he is a man just like Eric. 5 years later, I ended up marrying Eric! :)
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