As an anniversary present, my husband ordered the missing cable that we needed to upload videos from our old video camera. So, a special thank you to the guy who made my night, as I had the enjoyment of looking at old videos.
A little baby named Jonny
This video is so much more than a compilation of snippets from when Jonny was six months old. This is a video of a baby that is extremely happy and thriving in the loving care of his parents. I am not asking for some mother of the year award or anything, but it is true that my son was loved and cared for in all the ways that any baby should be loved and cared for during these crucial developmental months of their lives.
Though I don't care for my voice, you can hear me talking to Jonny, encouraging him to respond to me, and interacting with him in ways that is very important for all children's development. He is encouraged to explore his world, learn new things, and most importantly is given a safe environment in which to do this.
When his Daddy feeds him lunch, Jonny has a chance to enjoy each bite rather than having it shoveled in as quickly as possible, like I hear happens with children in orphanages. Not only is he learning different textures and how to swallow and chew each new food, but Jonny is even given the chance to feed himself. Taking the time to make eating an enjoyable experience is a no brainer in my opinion, yet thousands of children will never experience this simple pleasure.
As I watch these videos, many memories come back to me, and I can't help but smile at how darn adorable he was. I know I am partial, but I can't imagine any mother not thinking that their child is the cutest thing on earth. Is there something wrong with that?
But, I am also filled with other emotions. Emotions that yearn to turn back the clock to a time when my adopted girls were that age, so that I could spend the same quality time with them. I am sure that their skin was just as pure and smooth and sweet smelling as my baby Jonny. I am sure that their smile would have lit up the room. How special it would be for both my daughter's and myself to be able to have raised them from the time that they were born. Better yet, how wonderful it would be if my girls could still be with their birth families because they were loved and taken care of by them all along. I don't say that because I don't love my girls, I just say that because I love them enough to let them go. sigh.
This is not easy to talk about without getting some criticism. I feel safer pouring out my feelings on this blog, instead of face to face with someone, when often times, I go blank.... numb..... not able to come up with the words that I long to say and share. Here, I can pour out my feelings without interruptions that make me loose my train of thought.
"Christine, that's why you shouldn't have adopted. You don't deserve this sadness and guilt just because you couldn't give someone else's child the love and attention that they deserved. You did right by your own children. Remember, you can't save the world. Sometimes it is better not to know what these children have been through because it's not your responsibility to help them."
Some people really come across with this sentiment. It drives me absolutely bonkers.
Well, let me ask, who's responsibility is it?
We adopted to make a difference in the life of that child. We adopted to give that child a family to call their own. We adopted to hopefully reverse some of the horrible circumstances that that child had to endure. We adopted to enrich our family, and give all of our children a better understanding of God's love to everyone in this world. We adopted because God says to take care of orphans and widows. We adopted because it is hard to know that their are children out there that need a home and not do anything about it. We adopted because we couldn't think of any really good reasons why not to.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox.
Can you see why a cute little video of a baby can make a woman crazy? :) The fact that we are in the process od adopting a little boy probably doesn't help things either.
19 inspiring thoughts:
Amen to that!!! I ditto your sentiments exactly.
I often long to go back in time for my two. I want to know if their mom or dad held them tightly at one time in their little lives. I want to believe that they did. It may sound strange but I have found myself hoping that they were breast fed, cuddled, cherished at some point...
I'm a single mom - a Christ follower who felt 100% led to bring two orphans home to raise and nurture them in the love of Christ. If there had been a long line of couples waiting, I would have gladly stepped aside, but there are too many not being adopted to stand by and not help.
I got my share of sentiments from fellow Christians, but like you, I saw the needs of these precious children as more important than my pride or guilt or whatever feeling it may have been at the moment.
Thanks for blogging! I am a better mom because of reading your blog! I love how you love! It is inspiring.
Amen sista!
You are doing something that I am only dreaming of at the moment! Yes I know its small steps and I hope that doing foster care will help children in need... In our area alone there are 600 kids in need of foster care and only 60 cares able to do it!!!
it is now at a point that they are putting the children in most danger in the local hospital to keep them out of harms way!
I get it too!? Why do you want to do this? Why would you do this to your OWN children!
How can I not!!! I always my answer!
if everyone in this world could just see the love in a childs face after they have found their forever family then I bet we would see a lot less kids that needed to be adopted!!
hugz
you always will have a shoulder to lean on from me!
Yep, I have felt the same way. Along with a whole lot of other feelings as well.
How can we look away once we have seen what we have seen? For that matter is it possible that God chose us to see it and others just don't?
It is both a blessing and a burden.
-jen
Just because you cannot change the past, doesn't mean you should ignore it! That's a huge cause of trouble in many aspects of life! And by paying attention to mistakes made, you will make the future better.
Your girls may not have had the nurturing that they should have, but they have it now, and they will learn it, and thrive - and would do so from you, even if you were not adopting again. Their children will have what they did not!
It amazes me that even well-cared for babies can be ignored so thoroughly by well-intentioned, educated parents. Too many believe in 'let them cry it out or they'll get spoiled' (etc). I was a hugger from the start and have been an avid fan of attachment parenting ever since. My pet peeve, am I selfish?, is that so many parents aren't. It takes sacrifice - giving up stuff you liked to do before kids... but why have children in your life if you are not going to make them the highest priority - and why should that be a question that even needs to be asked?!
You said it so much more eloquently, but I posted something similar recently on my blog when thinking about the stage my birth son is in versus what was going on when my adoptive sons were his age. It just makes you sad.
After learning about "attunement" which most of us as mothers, those with maternal instincts anyway, take for granted, it helped me see in a whole new way WHY the boys act as they do. And helps me to think of ways to teach them to be attuned. I fear this is going to reach epidemic proportions in our culture, however, as the last poster mentioned, when so many people have kids and then don't take the time needed to nurture them. We have millions of institutionalized kids in our very own country.
Blessings! You're doing a fabulous thing but unfortunately one that very few people, Christians included, will ever understand.
AMEN!!! I couldn't have said it better.
I have often said the only thing I regret about adoption is that I wasn't there for tmy children from the very beginning. I wish I could have been there to hold them, comfort them, play with them, encourage them, teach them...but I wasn't. I know God has a reason in it all...and I know He can heal all of the hurts caused by the neglect our children faced early on. I've already seen it.
I would add one more reason to the long list you gave for adopting these kids...
"We adopted because they are our kids." These are the children God had pilanned for us from the foundation of the earth. It was in His plan...just as if they came to us biologically and I can't imagine it any other way. ;)
I also ditto your sentiments...but though I can easily go off into "angst-land" longing to hold my dear children when they were little (Sergei, especially, for some reason). I CRY with longing for baby Sergei. But my mind never travels to the place where my children weren't "meant to be" my children, for some reason. I think I'm glad about that. I don't have to love them enough to let them go; I only need to love them enough to sacrifice whatever selfish thing I might want to do for them, right here in this moment. That's hard enough.
Hear you. Each month when I get the twin's photos it hits me that I've lost another month and it's another month that they are at the orphanage. The are missing all the normal things we do with two-year-olds--the zoo, the beach, Sunday school, back yard wading pools etc.
All of you have added so much. Thank you.
Annie, I understand what you are saying, and I agree with you. When I said that I loved them enough to let them go, it is not because I wonder if they were meant to be my children or not. I was just thinking outloud, that it is so sad that they had to go through so much to get to us. If that could have been prevented by their birth family just doing what we are doing now, I think that would have been best because that means that they wouldn't have experienced so much pain in their short little lives. But, sometimes we have to endure hardships in order to get to the place God has planned for us.
I am so thankful that God gave me each of my children.
This sweet video reminded me to go and take a look at some of Cosette's baby videos. It was good for me for a lot of reasons. Thanks!!!
Well, I have searched all day for a verse that Beth Moore talks about alot in one of her studies but somehow I could not find the reference. BUT, anyway, I think all of these comments are great and adoption leaves all of us so out of control of so many things but knowing that God had my son under His control the whole time has helped me and the verse I was trying to come up with describes how God can and will restore the wasted years if we are in Him. Now, for most of us that has to do with bad decisions/poor choices that we may have made but isn't it also exciting to think of that for our children. God is the God of restoration. Our job is then just to love them and show them God's love for them and that God has great things for them regardless of their past and can heal them and restore with blessings the wasted, hurt-filled years to them in years to come. What a future to look forward to.... Hope that makes sense but I couldn't get those verses off of my mind after reading your blog this morning.
Happy New Year....one of love and oodles of nurturing and kisses.
You have a way with words. AMEN!!!
A lot of people feel the way you do.
Sweet video. thanks for sharing
I understand you sentiments exactly....even though I haven't adopted. I would have loved to adopt....but my husband doesn't feel the same way.
I have to post this anonymously...out of respect for him.
I hear ya, all the way around. I have often wished the same for my daughter. Even though we got our son at one month, I have even wished the same for him. Even the time in the womb is so important. Although, some my criticize your sentiments, I am hopeful that more will learn more about what it is to be a child of the King.
Love this post. I wish I had adopted for the same unselfish reasons, but not so. I so wanted to love a child and have a child love me - I NEEDED that. Ella has given me more than I can ever give her. Her birthmother and I are tied to one another and to Ella forever. She (birthmom) has given me more than I ever could have asked for. I have so much respect for her unselfishness. She gave Ella to me out of unselfishness, and I took her for purely selfish reasons. BUT - I will do right by her, and she will be loved, and she will know that her birthmother loves her, too. She will know that the Lord wanted us all - me, Ella, her birthmother and her fostermother - to be joined for a special reason, for HER life and to LOVE HER. I hope to one day get to meet her birthmother, as well as her brothers and sisters. In my opinion I owe her the world.
Becca
Momma to Ella
Stay on the soap box! Honesty like that needs to be heard... ok, read.
Thank you for your post. . I came here from Courtney's blog on the same thing. . .I completely agree with both the hurt and the joy of adoption. . and really seeing pain in general. It stirred up so much in me in the things God has taught me in the past and recently in our trip to Africa to pick up our son. It even stirred me up to post on some of those thoughts. Thanks for the words, the vulnerability and the inspiration.
Brandi
www.homehopeandfuture.blogspot.com
I loved this post so much that I had to go ahead and do my own. Thanks for always keeping it real Christine. You are doing a great thing here for all of us!
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