Celebrating Jonathan's birthday

Jonathan's birthday is actually tomorrow, but we went out to celebrate it today since everyone has school or work on Monday. We went to a nice park up in Fresno and then out to dinner at Red Robins. It was a nice surprise to have my Dad join us. He usually doesn't, but I am very thankful that he has attended the last two kids birthdays. In a row! That is really good for him, and if only he knew how much it meant to them. My sister, Grandma, and Grandpa came too.

The park was really fun, as you can see by the photos. The kids swung, tetter-tottered, fed the geese, walked the loop, played frisbee, kicked a ball, climbed a huge concrete cylinder, and even made a couple of new friends. I guess that when other kids see all of us getting out of our van, they want to make sure they have met at least one of the kids.

As we were getting ready to go, Jonny tripped over a short wall that he had just been using as a bench. He got all scraped up, and needed some TLC from Daddy. Boy, was I glad that I had instinctively remembered to put our first aid kit in the car. Poor Jonny, almost everytime we go to Red Robin he gets injured in some way. Time before last, he split his head open in the restaurant while we were waiting to be seated.


So we bandaged him up, and headed over to eat. This was a real treat for all the kids, not just Jonny. Because it is so expensive for all of us to eat out, we usually don't do it very often. So not only was a it a fun day because of Jonny's birthday, but it was a fun day because we were doing something that we normally just don't do. That is part of the joy (or problem as some would put it) of having a large family, ordinary things quickly become special things not taken for granted.

Jonny ordered a chocolate milkshake, cheeseburger with all of the fixings and fries. He loved it although he didn't eat much after the shake. Normally, I would have insisted that he eat more of his burger but I had a feeling a birthday sundae was coming. I had planned on having the waitress put a couple of candles on his sundae, but since I left them in a box at the park and they didn't have any, the candle blowing would have to be saved till tomorrow. Oh well, things just don't go as I always plan.


Anna wanted to sit by me at dinner, and come time to order, she asked if I could just share my big burger with her. Of course, I said yes! When I was about to cut a piece of the burger off for her, she asked if I could just giver her bites instead. I was happy to oblige her, as I am not sure she has ever experienced something as special as sharing a burger with Mom.

Since we were going to do a cake with candles tomorrow on his actual birthday, we put aside some of his presents (Grandpa's good idea) for tomorrow as well. He was so excited with the presents that he got today however, that even if he didn't have the ones for tomorrow he wouldn't even notice. That's what is so sweet about being four. His present from us was a skateboard and helmet.

Yes, this even happens to me

Just had to share how I was caught this morning at church.

I was trying to pay attention and stay awake while our awesome pastor talked about the story of Daniel and how he dared 2B, but I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I felt them getting heavy and decided that I could close my eyes for a couple of seconds and still listen to the preach. Well, I guess a couple of seconds turned into a full minute or so, because when I finally opened them up, Anna looked over at me and whispered, "Mama, you were praying?"

I smiled. I was caught "resting" by my very sweet and innocent Anna.

Yesterday and Today

Caleb got home from camp yesterday afternoon. He had an awesome time, just like I expected, but there was one thing that he told me that surprised me. Since this was 6th grade science camp, I never would have guessed that he would have talked about God. What a blessing it was for Caleb to have a cool and crazy Christian for a counselor that inspired Caleb to go out and live his life outside of the box ---one pleasing to God ----and one more wild than he could ever imagine.

Sure, John and I have shared this with all of our kids, but sometimes it takes someone younger, hipper, and way cooler to tell you the same thing, before it actually makes sense to you. I am so glad that Caleb had such an amazing time, and he has already committed to being a camp counselor when he is in high school.

My final question for Caleb was, "So did you learn any science while you were at science camp?"

"No."
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Tomorrow we are celebrating Jonny's fourth birthday. He is growing up too darn fast! Watch out world, Jonny may be turning four but he acts like he is turning eight and wants everyone to know how big of a boy he is!
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Today, Rachel and Julia traded spots in the girls' rooms. Now Rachel will be sharing a room with Annalyn and Julia will be with Anna and Sveta. Not everyone was happy with the change, but I think it will work out well once everyone gets used to the new arrangement. As the saying goes, you can't please everyone all the time, and frankly I don't even know that I would want to even try.
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Sveta has blossomed into this singing diva. She wants to listen to music all the time. She thinks she knows all of the words, and even though she doesn't, she is still a great singer. What makes it so fun to watch is how passionate she gets. She actually raised her hand in worship (like she sometimes sees in church) as we were driving home from a friend's house we visited for dinner. It was sweet, and I have no doubt that she felt natural doing it, but since the song was from High School Musical 2, I felt it was a bit inappropriate, and explained to her why. She seemed to understand, but I saw those wheels turning as I told her, and let's just say that I am wondering what church is going to be like in the morning. If I remember, I'll let you know.

Opposites Attract

Sveta and Julia play really well together. They are a good example of the "opposites attract" principle. Julia is very much a leader where as Sveta is very much a follower. This is a song they have been learning in church, and they wanted me to come and watch them sing. Julia has always been pretty outgoing (since age four when she finally broke out of her shell)and Sveta seems to be following in her footsteps. If you watch our second trip video , you can see how much more verbal and outgoing she has become. She now knows way more English then she ever knew Russian. Shouldn't FAS stand for FUN and SASSY?

He gave you a hunger

Not really parenting related, but I wanted to share this because of the personal emails I have been getting. I think this will answer some of your questions and hopefully it gives you (and you know who you are) some hope.

When I was doing my Beth Moore bible study today, I felt these words pop off the page as if they were written for my eyes only. How can I not share? Please let me know if they pop out at you too.

"God often shares a glimpse of something He desires to do with those who have a corresponding hunger for Him. For instance, my assistant has hungered for world missions most of her life. Although I also had a heart for international missions, her burden exceeded mine. Consequently, God first shared with her His desire for our ministry to be very involved in missions overseas. He then fueled my hunger and placed the same vision on my heart." Beth Moore

The battle is over

Yesterday, I "secretly" celebrated an internal milestone I had finally reached in raising my daughters. For most, I'm sure you won't be able to relate, but I will try to articulate my feelings in such a way that you will be able to at least understand.

Beginning way back when I was a little girl, I was introduced to hand me downs, and have forever since loved, and enjoyed getting them for myself and my children. Through the years, we have been blessed with hand me down from at least 10 families and most of those families still find a home for their old things, usually our front porch.

It has been such a blessing, and we have been able to pay it forward and bless others by sharing many of these things with other families as well. So you better believe when I say that, when my girls came home and stuck their nose up to many of these clothes, I was just a little bit peeved.

Sure, I could take the stance that I hear from many other adoptive parents that our children are just tired of used clothes, and want something new for a change. Or, I hear the argument that since we chose to have these children, why can't we go out and buy them all of their clothes. Or my favorite argument that I often hear is, "Isn't your child worth going out and buying new clothes for?" Hello? Yes, my children are worth it, but no where does it say that you have to dress them in new clothes in order to prove it.

So, as you can probably imagine, I took a little bit of pleasure hanging up clothes I thought were cute and clean (never ripped or stained) as I watched them huff and puff under their breath how they didn't like how long that dress was or how ugly that bow on the shirt looked. It was definitely a battle, I was going to win, and turn into a bonding experience for all of us.

I instantly knew what clothes they liked and disliked and made it clear to them that their outfits were going to be a combination of both. They were angry of course, to which I followed up with, "Do you think Mama wants you to look dumb? Do you think I want people to make fun of you? No way! I love you and want you to look cute and adorable..."

Still getting the arms crossed, grumpy, can't make me do it attitude that I am sure many of you can relate to, I also informed them that, I am their Mom, and I am trying to make up for lost time, and I picked out clothes for my other children when they were younger, and there was no way they were going to not let me do that for them too. I told them that would be very unfair of me, to not love and nurture them in that way too, and I wanted to make sure to treat all of my children the same.

Well, this didn't go over too well with Anna and Sveta, and it has taken every bit of two years to finally get to the point where, what I set out to do has been achieved, but I am happy to report that it has been acheived, and that is why I am secretly celebrating.

When I set out to make this a bonding experience where both I and them felt more attached to each other than ever ---I as their loving and nurturing mom and them as my trusting and "I love my Momma so much that my little ol' self doesn't need to question her motivations anymore because I trust her with all my heart" daughters ---I had no idea how long it would actually take. All I knew is that I had forever with them and I was willing to give them my forever.

Little by little, month by month, I saw a little less resistance to my picking out their clothes, and little by little, I taught them how to pick out clothes that match. Every once in a while, I even let them pick out their own outfits. They loved this.

Litle by little, they started to go through the bags of clothes with me, that showed up on our porch. First they would just go through the initial bags of clothes not sorted by me, probably because in their mind they still had control of what they would wear because they could simply toss aside the clothes they didn't like. But slowly, they started to go through only the piles of clothes that I had decided we would keep because they were finally realizing that what I was setting aside wasn't so bad afterall.

Little by little, they started coming to me to ask if we could go pick out their clothes for the next day together. Little did they know that I intentionally didn't pick out their clothes that day before they got home in hopes that they would come and ask to do it together.

Little by little, the opposition faded, and I, without even noticing it, began picking out clothes that I remembered they once disliked, less and less and less only to find our relationship getting better and stronger.

I feel closer to my girls having taken the time to bond with them in this way. It wasn't always easy, and it was probably a battle that I could have just as easily chosen not to have, but I feel to this day, that my children are worth the battle, especially when I know what happens once the battle is won.

So what is the internal milestone I have reached? As I was sorting through clothes because of the changing seasons and getting rid of the things that we just have to much of, I found myself (with a huge smile) making a pile to give away alot of the clothes that used to be a battle, because there isn't a battle anymore.

Helping out just because

I think it is of the utmost importance to teach your children whether you have one child or ten to help out around the house ---a.k.a. chores.

For the most part, it has become routine, and so anytime I write chores up on the board or ask someone to do something, it gets done. If they choose to argue, they know that I will add another chore, and another, and another until they bite their tongue and just do the chores. It's not like they have tons of chores to do anyways. They each have one, ranging from simply straightening up our movie collection to a more responsible job of cleaning one of the bathrooms. It just depends on the day and how messy our house is.

I remember when I was growing up, that I was left to do all of the chores because I was basically an only child, when my Mom finally had my sister. By then, I was already eight. By the time I was twelve, I was writing up my own chore list for my mom to approve, so she would know that I am worth every cent of the $20 dollars I had convinced her to pay me for allowance. Boy, did I grow up young. But, because I had learned to do chores, and many other things, I know that is why I run a good household now. Anyways, that was pretty much my only point in mentioning my childhood, --- responsibility and chores wasn't a mean thing my Mom did for me (though I hated them at the time), it was actually a gift that I now want to give to my children. Only difference is, the delivery of the teaching. Sorry mom, no disrespect here, I appreciate everything you taught me ---I just have a different way of teaching it, that's all.

One mistake, that I found myself making was assigning chores based on gender. I still do to a certain extent, like one of the boys will take out all of the trash, where you will most likely find one of the girls cleaning a bathroom. But, Adam has also cleaned a bathroom, and Anna has taken out the trash. Which brings me to the subject of cooking, which is normally considered a woman's job (notice I said normally as I realize the times are a changing).

Most times, I ask my girls to help me in the kitchen, if they haven't already volunteered, but then I noticed Adam and Caleb asking to help more in the kitchen. I was thrilled, and of course let them help anytime they wanted, but soon that got old, and I found myself once again, relying on my girls to help me out. But every once in a while, I would remember to ask Adam or Caleb to help, and felt that I was doing a good enough job of teaching them to cook, by doing this and this alone.

Little did I realize, that teaching a child to cook and teaching a child to come when asked to help out, is not the only thing a parent should strive to teach a child. A parent should also aspire to instilling a desire to help out just because the need is there. Wow! How would I do that?

Well, I guess, those light-hearted goofy talks about them growing up and living on their own and then eventually getting married to eventually raise their own family and then having the responsibility of teaching their kids the things that I am trying to teach my kids had some kind of impact, because on the day of Anna's birthday party, I found Adam helping out in the kitchen. I took a picture of course because I was so proud and surprised to see Adam chopping up olives. I hadn't even asked, nor implied it was his job to help out in the kitchen today since he had just got done mowing the front and back lawns. What made it even more shocking to me was that he was next to Rachel (whom he usually loves to hate and vice versa) and they were enjoying each other's company. I really was pretty shocked that I had to go ask John if he was paying Adam or something to get him to be helpful. Of course, he wasn't.

It was at that moment, I felt ashamed that I didn't give Adam the credit that he deserved. He is really growing up into a fine young man. In a way, I also shortchanged myself, because my kids are growing up with the values that I want them to have.

And just when I thought I was done, I remembered one more thing that I could not squeeze into this story.

Chores are one of the gateways to more freedoms in the home. If you get to do them, that means that I think you are old enough and responsible enough to handle being a participating member of our household, rather than just one of the younger kids-- which mean bigger privileges are sure to follow. With each child, I have seen the benefits of starting them out earlier rather than later, and this approach has gotten even my youngest child involved by putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. All but Jonny, fix their own bed in the morning. Yes, that includes Andrew who is only five. Now that I see how proud he is of himself, that he can do what his older siblings can do, I feel silly for not having my first child start until he was almost 7.

Also, chores should be fun (meaning they shouldn't be made out to be a bad thing), and by them getting to pick out their own chore (most of the time), it makes it seem to them, like they are choosing what they are going to do rather than being told.

I have also made some of the more responsible chores "off limits" to my kids who haven't shown enough responsibility to handle such a big chore. Only three of my girls can clean bathrooms and funny as it sounds, my other two practically beg to clean them.

"When am I going to get to start cleaning the bathroom?" one daughter whines.

"Cleaning a bathroom takes a lot of responsibility. It requires using chemicals that can blind you if not used properly, and it requires you to remember lots of things. You have to remember to scrub the sinks, clear off the counter, wipe down the counter, clean the mirror, use the Windex and not the cleanser when you clean the mirror, scrub the toilet, wipe down the toilet, take out the trash, wipe down the trash can (Rachel taught me that), shake out the rugs, sweep the floor, wipe down the floor, and put up fresh towels. How can you remember to do all of that, when you can't even remember to put away your shoes or not pass notes in class?"

Is it just me, or does God stir your heart too?

Here is another link to a video I found that was truly inspiring, and again, worth watching. These children are a testimony to what a little love and attention can do for a child. Just a little, can make a difference. Please watch this.

This morning

This morning John drove Caleb to school at 7:15 am with a suitcase, backpack, and sleeping bag in hand. Caleb is off to Scicon (6th grade camp) for the whole week. He is pretty excited, and I think he is going to have an awesome experience.

About William
This morning while I was helping out in Andrew's classroom, William's old kindergarten teacher asked me how he was doing. It was nice of her to ask, and it felt good to hear myself tell her, "He is doing so well this year. He is a completely different boy!" But I wanted to chime in, it is mostly due to him getting the help that only we thought he needed. But, I didn't because I know it is not her fault that we had such a tough time initially, getting him qualified for services. And besides, now that he qualifies and is getting all the help that he needs, like I said, he is a completely different boy --in a very good way.

In case you are wondering, William has a language processing disorder, sensory issues, and is pragmatically challenged, all once considered by one to be on the Autism spectrum. Silly me, literally grasping at straws for some sort of IEP qualification so that he could start receiving services, I bought into the idea causing myself more grief than good. Well thankfully, we went on to have him further tested by a neuro-psychologist who poo-pooed the Autism diagnosis and replaced it with a similar diagnosis as the one he has now.

So like I said, he is a completely different child who is learning acceptable ways to interact with others through social pragmatics, and not be so "in your face" about things like he used to be.
This has been most evident in the way that he has been communicating. Two years ago, he would not hesitate to speak his mind, even if it would hurt someone elses feelings, ie., tell a large woman that she looks like Fat Albert not to be mean, but because it was the truth and he didn't understand that blurting out things like that, was not socially acceptable. Now, he understands why he shouldn't say things like that, and has strengthened his relationships with others because of this.

William is now able to express his feelings better without having to get violent, and he is able to use words to convey his likes and dislikes about different things. I do have to admit though, that he does make me chuckle, because of the things he does make a point of expressing to me. Out of the blue, one evening after I had just given the three youngest boys a bath and they were getting dressed, he says, "Mom you are the best mom I ever had except when you are bad." What? Right away I thought back to the time, when I nearly lost my cool because he had purposefully thrown a ball in one of his sister's stomachs right after I had asked him to go into the house for riding his skateboard into her ankle. (Mind you this was around the time services were just beginning)

"What are you talking about?" I asked William, not even sure I wanted to hear what he obviously remembered I was bad for.

"Yeah, even when you are bad and make me buy hot lunch at school, I still love you."

And I love you William was all I could think back.

And since we are still on the topic of this morning, I wanted to share one more thing with you.

Right before recess, I took Jonny to the kindergarten bathroom, where he noticed the much smaller toilets and sink. I told him it was just his size and to hurry up and go potty so he could go play outside with Andrew and Andrew's class.

As he was pulling down his pants, getting ready to sit down, he kept looking at the toilet funny, like something was wrong. Now, I know that the wheels must have been turning in his head.

When he finally sat down he right away asked me, "Is my poo-poo going to fit in this little toilet, Mom?"

I told him of course, now hurry up and go, when he further asked, "Are you sure?"

Well, I guess I wasn't convincing enough because he changed his mind and decided that he could hold (which he did) it until we got home.

Two years and counting

Wow! Has it already been two years? Yes it has, and boy does time fly! The transformation of my two daughters adopted from Ivanovo, Russia in September, 2005 has been amazing and such a privilege to be a part of. I'm not saying the past two years have been easy, nor am I saying that they are done blossoming into all that I know they are meant to be, but I am saying that who they were two years ago are not the same two little girls that I just got done clipping dress-up earrings on.

Here is a video of the first day we met Sveta. She was a shy, little girl full of laughter and hope. We got to teach her how to blow bubbles. Little did we know that we would be blessed with teaching her do so many other things....to ride a bike, to swim, to jump rope, to read, to answer the phone, etc.


Even before we met Anna and Sveta, I can pretty much say even if it sounds irrational to most, that we were going to adopt them. So when we met them, and actually found them to be healthy, adorable girls we knew we were blessed. Four long months went by and then we returned to Ivanovo to pick up our sweet daughters. The first day we were officially a family, we took them to the Silver City Mall for some fun. Here is a video of them playing air hockey for the very first time.

Aren't they cute? Don't they look so sweet? Can you see why I went into shock when later, this happened?

As I watch this video now (posted with Anna's permission), it is a reminder to me of just how much Anna has changed. Why would I post this video in a tribute to my two daughters? Well, for starters, I wanted to be real, and I wanted to offer hope for those who have had a similar experience but haven't seen the transformation yet. It does happen with lots of love, patience, and determination to love your child until it happens. Oh, and lots more patience, love, and an attitude full of humbleness, grace, and vulnerability mixed with the willingness to learn from trial and error. And this wasn't just expected of my daughters because I know that they learn through example --which is me.

Here are a few more photos of Anna and Sveta when they first got home. They are special photos to me because they were "big" firsts for each of them, and again I feel privileged to have expereinced these simple pleasures through their eyes.






My face lights up with joy as I look at these photos. They are just so darn cute with their little, pudgy, white legs. And boy, do they look young ---almost like babies. Again, just a reminder of how much they have grown, trading in their baby fat for a more muscular, athletic body --- the result of lots of swimming, rollerskating, swinging, and jump roping, and probably better nutrition overall.

My Anna

All I can is that you have brought me so much happiness even in the toughest of times. I have grown to love parenting, and I have come to embrace the challenges that you have brought to my plate. You are one of a kind, my little Anyaska, and I love you soooo much. The icing on the cake for me, was this past week, when you asked me to give you some extra homework because you had finally figured out math fact families. Remember when homework was such a struggle? I wasn't sure we would ever get past that. Boy, was I wrong.

Thank you for being such an amazing girl. I know God has big plans for you!

Here is a video of Anna back in June 2007.


My Sveta

Every day I marvel at each new thing you do. You have made such tremendous growth in the past two years. I admit, that I wan't sure I could ever teach you colors, let alone to enjoy playing the computer, but you have proven me wrong. To hear you ask me to play X-box is like music to my ears and to watch you play and get enjoyment out of it without frustration is beyond my wildest dreams. Sounds crazy I know, but you have blossomed, and allowed yourself the chance to enjoy things you were too stubborn to even try a year ago. You have allowed me to get close to you, and you have grown to trust Daddy and I with everything. Thank you for your laughter, and your infectious smile. I love you!

Here is a video of Sveta doing a puzzle with me.


Happy 2nd Anniversary girls!

Bonding

In case this looks familiar, don't worry you're not going crazy ---It was first posted back in July on my other blog.


When I first became a Mom, I didn't worry to much about how I would bond with my child. I just did. I even went on to bond with my next five children after that. In fact, I think I can say that with each new child, because of my experience with motherhood, and my growing relationship with my heavenly Father, my bond with each of them has been stronger than with my prior child.

I say this with some sadness and I say this with some regret, but more importantly I say this with a whole lot of truth ...................... I say it with honesty, because I know who I am now, and how much I have changed over the years --------and I feel it has been for the better. Who I was at 19 when I first had Adam, is not who I am now. My priorities have changed and I have learned so much with each additional child I have become a mom to.

My desire to nurse my child as I kiss their sticky hands and feel their soft skin against mine didn't come naturally until I had Julia ---three years and three children later. My realization that wearing shoes is not worth the struggle of putting them on a child that loves to curl their toes didn't come until my first son was six months old. Only after I struggled with my crying son for 10 minutes trying to ram his foot in the shoe, did I realize how ridiculous I was being. We ended up both crying ----him because I was to rough with him, and I, because I knew I was kind of hurting him by forcing on the shoe. I felt really bad and ashamed of my behavior. I remember that day like it was yesterday because it marked the beginning of me becoming the Mommy I was meant to be rather than the Mommy I wanted everyone to think I was. I realized that it was okay to be a Mom whose baby didn't wear shoes.

Besides just growing over the years, and learning what it really means to be a Mom, I think I realized that I wanted lots of kids. Wow, were my priorities changing.

With all that said, I can also say that I loved each of my children to the best of my ability at that time .....................and I can say without a doubt, that I bonded with each and every one of them --- to the depths of our souls.

So why in the world, when we decided to add another child to our family did I worry? One word. Adoption.

A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N

For the first time ever, being able to bond with my child became a thought, a worry, a concern. I wasn't sure if things could, would or should be the same. I had done some research, talked to different people, and come to the conclusion that it would be best to treat my adopted children different than how I treated my biological children (at least with discipline). Turns out, that was one of my dumbest mistakes I have made as a parent.

For the most part, when we adopted Anna and Sveta, I was very real with them but still wasn't my 100% genuine self. It wasn't until I realized that I still didn't have the relationship with them that I wanted, that I decided to just be myself and give them the chance to feel like they were no different than any of my other children. Here are some of the things I did with each of my girls upon them joining our family.

I showered with them. It felt strange to me that I would expect them to not be embarassed to show me their body, yet they might have to be content with never seeing mine. Just like my other children have all seen me naked (afterall, I gave birth to them), I decided from day one (well more like day 40 with Anna and Sveta) that my girls would too.

In Russia, it began with me giving them a bath and washing their toes, scrubbing their hair, and massaging their back with a soapy washcloth. When it was my turn to shower, I let them stay inside the bathroom while they brushed their teeth. I asked them to hand me the shampoo, later I asked them to help me dry my back. They asked about stretch marks, moles, etc, and I allowed them to stare at me so they knew how their Mama (me) looked. And boy, did Sveta look. If only I knew then, that she had no memory of her Russian mother and that I would now be the only Mama she would ever know.

If I expected them to love me, obey me, trust me ------- they had to know who I was and how I looked.

I remember the first time I showered with Sveta one month later ----so I could give her some special time with Mama. Anna walked in while we were showering and had tears running down her cheeks because she felt like I was excluding her. I tried to explain that I would shower with her the next day, but my little Anna could not understand why she didn't get to shower with Mama right then and there too. I ended up showering twice that morning.

We have since went on to adopt Annalyn and Rachel whom I have done the same thing with. Each time it has been a very special moment for each of them including me. Just a month ago, when Rachel came, I asked her if she wanted to take a shower with me. Most of the other kids were still in school and only her, Andrew and Jonny were home. They were watching cartoons in the living room when I was getting ready to take a shower.

I remember feeling that it was time for me to ask her, but I felt very nervous about asking. I had heard that she had made unkind comments about people's body size in the past, and besides all that -----she was eleven years old -----probably too old for this silly kind of bonding. I must have went back and forth 10 or 20 times with whether or not I would ask her and ended up praying for God to give me the courage. I felt I owed it to her, to at least ask, if I was going to give her the chance to bond with me like my other girls had.

I called her into my room and asked her to sit down next to me. "Rachel, I know you are probably going to think this is silly, and you can tell me that you would rather not. It's ok to tell me you think I am silly or that you don't need or want my help. I am really embarassed to ask you, so please do not laugh at your Mom, but I want to treat you exactly as I treat all of my daughters, even if it just makes you laugh." By this time I must have peaked her curiosity because she looked at me ----waiting for me to ask her.

I took a deep breath.

"I have done this with all of my girls, and I feel like I need to ask you, but if you say no it is okay too. Rachel do you want to take a shower with me? I could wash your hair, scrub your back.........." I half expected her to say, "Ewwwe, gross," but she didn't. Instead, she started to cry as she shook her head yes and shared with me how she once took a bath with her Mom in Ukraine in a big tub that her mom had filled with hot water from the stove. She told me that she was happy that I asked her.

And all I can say to that is -----Wow! To think that I almost didn't ask her because I was afraid of what she might think. Even though I felt I needed to do this in order for us to bond, I was embarassed by what my child might think instead of being the adult and doing what I felt was best for my child. Another big learning experience for me.

Amazingly, I think this act was the most beneficial for Rachel, being she is the oldest girl. She has more catching up to do than my other girls and eats up any mother-daughter time that we have together. That even includes the times when I am applying acne medicine (which my sons' absolutely hate).

During our shower, It was then that I also taught her how to shave her underarms, wash her face with a cleansing soap, and comb the conditioner through her hair to make it extra soft. To automatically assume our young daughters know how to properly wash their hair and body is like assuming someone was there to care for them, teach them, spend time with them. The fact is, they rarely got to shower, let alone use soap, shampoo, conditioners, and shavers. They just didn't have those simple luxuries.

To this day, my girls love showering with Mama (me). They often try to plan who will take a shower with me today, tomorrow, and the day after that. Sometimes I just have to say, "Not today girls. Mom wants to shower by herself."

Moving on.

I also hung their pictures up on the walls.

Pictures say so much and lets people feel included when they can look at a picture and see themselves in it.

Not only did I take lots of pictures for Anna and Sveta to look at on our first trip, but as soon as I got back home, I hung up pictures of them around the house. I wanted my other kids to get familiar with their new sisters and I wanted my new daughters to walk into their new home with their pictures already on the wall. I went ahead and did this for Annalyn and Rachel too ---to help them feel like a part of this family from the minute they walked in the door. I even updated a cute car window decal of our family to include each new daughter. They got a kick out of seeing themselves as part of our family. I have also made a movie montage for the girls to let them watch when ever they want. In my opinion, it reinforces that they are part of our family and you know what ----- they still watch them to this day.

We tried to make things as familiar and simple as possible for them.

An important yet overlooked detail to a child's adjustment is familiarity. And with familiarity comes small defined boundaries -----at least in the beginning. So I made sure that I played the same songs in the car (no radio) over and over. They knew what to expect each and everytime we got into the car and they were soon asking, "Klootch Mama?" Pretty soon they learned the words to the songs and seemed proud of their accomplishment. I also limited the toys and clothes they had in the beginning and got them used to a simple routine. I tried to feed them things they knew and liked and encouraged them to share memories (good or bad) of their life in Russia. All for the sake of helping them feel like they had a firm foundation to build their new life. Nothing is firm when nothing is concrete and knowing what to expect helped them to adjust quickly. They had very little choices or freedoms when they lived in the orphanage and I felt that giving them too much here (in the beginning) would overload them and actually do more harm than good.

Another thing that we did to promote bonding was teach the girls as much about our family as possible. We constantly talked about everyones birthdates, middle names, and favorite things. We taught them our home address, our phone number, which was now their address, their phone number. We constantly talked about being a Reed (we still do) and how important our family unit is. We had them repeat their names numerous times when we would teach them English. "My name is Anna Susan Reed." "Hi, my name is Anna Susan Reed and I go to Great Western School."

Lastly, we put all of our girls together in the same room initially. This was done for no other reason except for bonding purposes. And believe me when I say, my girls have bonded.

I believe with all my heart that these things helped us to bond with our girls. I am not sure we would be doing so well had we not done these things. And I am sure that their are still many things that can be done to continue the bond that we have already made. That is the wonderful thing about parenting. It is a growing experience where we never stop learning new things about ourselves and our children. Oh and last but not least, we discipline all of our children in the same way. To treat them different would be showing them that you think there is a difference and to us their isn't. Period.

Operation Readoption -- Complete!

Today was our court day for the readoption of Anna and Sveta. Of course, it went smoothly as the hearing is more of a reading of the "rules and obligations" of us agreeing to parent Anna and Sveta. Even the judge gave us this, "Well duh, I know why you are both here, but bear with me as I ask you these questions that you will obviously say yes to or you wouldn't be here in the first place," kind of look. It made for a happy, joyous, light-hearted occassion that ended with this picture. We are getting to know this judge pretty well since we just saw her three months ago for Annalyn's adoption. She wanted us to promise to bring all ten kids to Rachel's adoption in about 2 months, and even made notations to make sure she would be our judge next time.

To leave the kids with a "court doesn't have to be a bad experience feeling" one of the bailiffs handed out toys to each of the kids as we were leaving.

Just like with Annalyn's, we should be getting their "Court Order Delayed Registration of Birth" in about three months. This will forever serve as their birth certificate and they won't have to travel back to Russia if they lose their copy. Silly me, one of the main reasons for readopting them was so that in case they decided to adopt when they grow up, getting copies of their birth certificates will be one less "major" hassle for them.

What a milestone!

This year Anna and William are in the same grade. Second. Both of them are unique in their own special way as are all children, but William has never struggled academically except for needing the instructions to be explained to him. After that, he is able to do his assignments - no problem.

But, on this particular day the concept was harder for him to get initially, so Anna having been through the curriculum last year was able to show him until he caught on. She was very proud of herself as in her mind this is the way things should be ---older siblings helping younger siblings.

As for me, I grabbed my camera, promising myself to blog this as soon as possible. For me, this milestone is similar to a child's first tooth, first steps ........ things I never had the pleasure of watching Anna or three of my other girls do. To me, this is just as awesome to witness.

Anna is nine years old!

Two days ago we celebrated Anna's birthday. It was quite a celebration. We invited the whole families of two of her closest friends, who happen to be close friends of our whole family as well, so that made for a very pleasant party with no awkward pauses (if you know what I mean).

Miss Anna got many wonderful presents including a new bike from Grandma and Grandpa, a new watch from Baboonya, and a great big gumball machine from Mom and Dad that is almost as tall as her. But, her favorite thing I think, was this pink wig that I bought as the party favors for the all the girls. She even begged to wear it to church and school.

We ate nacho supremes, fruit salad, and lemon filled cupcakes with ice-cream. At the end of the party, the kids took turns hitting a pinata. I got each of them on video that someday we will all watch and laugh about.

Teaching your child to not drown

Don't have time to post much other than this video link today because of Anna's birthday party, but believe me when I say this video is more than enough. Please take a moment to watch it. I'm not trying to promote this company, but I do believe that what they are doing is really awesome. I thought it would be especially interesting to those of you with young children who have not learned to swim yet.
Here is the link: http://www.childdrowningprevention.com/index.html

Singing Happy Birthday to Anna in class

Ok, so I do this one thing for each of my kid's birthdays to make them feel special. I bake them cupcakes and take them to their class for all the kids to enjoy. This tradition I started, admittingly, stems from my childhood and my constant wish that for just once, I could be the special child to receive balloons or cupcakes at school on my birthday or have my mom come to my class just once to help out. Even though this cupcake thing started before we adopted our girls, once they were home, I felt that this tradition would be an extra special thing for them in particular, because they probably haven't been made to feel special in the orphanage.

Sooooooo, I bake the cupcakes and take them to Anna's class and as far as I can tell everything is going great. She is happy as can be as she helps me pass them out and I am excited to take part in singing the birthday song to Anna with the rest of the class. But I should have seen it coming. I should have realized that by drawing attention to Anna's birthday, with that would come the question, "So, how old are you now?"

Harmless question, right? Sure it is, if you weren't 2 years older than every other kid in the class, and I realized that Anna felt awkward telling her friend. For a second, I felt that doubt creep into my mind about holding her back and then I quickly pushed it back out. No, we did make the right decision for our daughter. What's in an age anyways? It is just a number.

Anna softly answered,"Nine," to which I replied, "Yeah, she was ready to move on, but I wanted her to make sure she understood everything in 2nd grade because it is a very important year for learning." The friend (and Anna) seemed satisfied with that answer, just as I would expect from a seven year old, but I left her class feeling a little more deflated than when I had got there. I am going to see how Anna feels and I might just have to give up the cupcake routine, if it it going to cause her to feel uncomfortable by drawing attention to her birthday.

UPDATE: Anna just got home, and I finished talking with her. Her awkwardness towards the question about her age was because her friend already knew that she was eight and so Anna thought her friend was a little "slow" for not realizing that nine comes after eight and she was trying to be sensitive to her friend's slowness. I had to laugh. Oh, and YES she wants me to bring cupcakes next year!

An Ode to My Large Family

I have a large family, I am amazingly blessed,
to wake up to 10 goodmornings, after a peaceful nights rest.

We share in the laughter, the fun, and the play,
to see my kids together, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh sure they do argue, and often times flat out disagree,
but in my mind they are learning to work things out, just like in society.

We fill up two tables, we go through 5 boxes of mac & cheese,
but the conversation at the table to God it does please.

Chores are divided by 12, so it is not a big deal,
in fact what is really nice, is we all chip in to help with a meal.

Vacations are fun, they are never a bore,
as soon as it is over, the kids are already planning for more.

Filling up two carts at the store, for some that is a shock,
but I promise, even with all my kids, I'm out in 40 minutes or less, just look at the clock.

My family is the future, they fill me with hope,
if any of my kids ever say something naughty, their mouth I will fill with soap.

My kids are tender yet strong, many have been through a lot,
I wish them good health, spiritual growth, a Godly spouse, these are my thoughts.

With 10 kids I don't shop at the Gap, I admit,
but my nature is to be frugal, so if I only had one, it wouldn't change things a bit.

Having a large family is not about focusing on what you have not,
our family is about pleases and thank yous, these words I have not bought.

In our house, Christmas brings with it the attitude of, "The more the merrier,"
that's people not presents, including the mail carrier.

My home has been filled with many gifts from God, my attitude is of greatfulness, how can I possibly repay,
God loves each child he has given to me, raise them to follow Christ is all He would say.

Personal growth through parenting

This weekend was really nice. I felt some mega-life lesson teaching went on for almost each and every kid. While I was talking, I even reminded myself of a thing or two that over the years I have forgotten. Yeah!!!! I am always up for learning a thing or two. Here are some of the things we discussed that I can remember off the top of my head.

1. Learning to trust someone again after they have wronged you is easier said then done , I know---but it's got to be done. Just because a sister took something from you 3 months ago doesn't mean she is going to do it again if she is in your room.

2. Just because you enjoy doing something with someone doesn't mean you have to do it 24/7. Spending all you time with one person can become smothering for that person. Give them some space, and don't take it personal. Playing barbies for the third day in the row gets old.

3. If you can't remember without a doubt, don't make a statement and declare it the truth. Speak only the truth even if you can only remember 80%. It is tempting to make up the other 20% and pass it off as truth. You might have found something that was supposedly lost right after your brother left the room, but it doesn't mean that he had put it there before he left.

What also made the weekend nice, was watching our five girls perform with a group of children in church today. It was a special service titled, "When I grow up." It gave us food for thought on how we could make a difference in the lives of children all over the world by helping to provide them with basic necessities like food, water, and an education. It went on to further challenge our congregation to get even more involved through foster care and mission trips.

Next weekend is Anna's birthday!

Sandwich Crusts

This is what's left of Jonny's grilled cheese sandwich. I hate waste, so I leave the sandwich on the counter until he or someone else gets hungry and asks to eat it, which is usually only about 1/2 an hour or so. Anna claimed the crusts this time. She loves anything that has butter on it.

Jonny's first day of Pre-K

Yesterday was Jonny's first day of preschool (actually pre-k for before kindergarten). He was so excited to go, and wanted to make sure he looked extra handsome with his hair combed to the side. I even gave him a haircut the day before with the Robocut.

I was so happy for him because he has been waiting for this day for a very long time. Everyday he watches his siblings head off to school and almost everyday he asks when he is going to go to school. Well, the time is now buddy! You are finally going to school.

Dropping him off, brought back a lot of memories. Eight years ago, I was dropping off Adam, my oldest, at this very same preschool with the very same teachers. Back then, I was dropping off my oldest child with many to follow behind Adam, but yesterday, I dropped off my youngest.

Many moms that I know, couldn't wait for this day, but for me, it is very bittersweet. He does look handsome though, and so grown up, don't you think?

Two terrific girls!

Now don't get me wrong, because I think all of my kids are terrific, but yesterday Julia and Sveta were recognized as one of their classes "terrific kids" of the month. Sveta got her terrific kid award for being "responsible". Her teacher says that Sveta always remembers to bring back her homework and turn it in. Julia got her award for being a "terrific" reader. Julia's teacher said that Julia always finishes her work early so that she can go to the library, read a book, and do a book report. Way to go, girls!

X-rays confirm that it's broken

John broke his finger two days ago. We were at the Kings River where he was swinging on a rope and caught his hand in one of the grip loops. I admit, that after looking at it, I thought it was only "badly" sprained, but as the pain only continued to get worse he finally went to the ER and found out that he had indeed broke it. I'm really sorry for trivializing your injury honey. Do you forgive me?

Today he is seeing our doctor to possibly be referred to an orthopedic surgeon. John isn't able to make a fist or bend his hand back, so some of the ligaments may have been damaged as well. We'll see what the doctor says.

God speed on your road to recovery honey.

A Russian girls delight

Dinner was so yummy tonight. But I guess, I should expect it to be a hit anytime pancakes are involved. What made it "oh so" special though, was the sweet milk you always hear me talking about and the fruit salad that I made to go with it. As you know I have become "one with my blog" with everyone helping me come up with blogging topics and so Sveta said, "Take a picture you blog." She absolutely loved the fruit salad topped with sourcream and brown sugar dressing. She had three servings.

I guess if I had to name one thing that blew me away when we adopted our girls was how much they love fruit. Here I thought they rarely ate it in the orphanage and therefore could not have acquired a taste for it, when in fact, I think that because they didn't eat it very often, fruit became something special to them which they savor. Just my theory though.

P.S. John's little trial at the moment is a broken finger. We went back to the river the day after I first posted about going and while swinging on the rope, he caught his left hand in a loop. Since it is not really related to what this blog is about, I am going to post pictures of it on my other website.

Slumbering

After river fun, the kids set up their sleep headquarters for the night in our spare room. It used to be the homework room but we gave away our table. I guess it worked out for the best because, though this room was set up to be the "homework" room, the kids would never actually do their homeowrk in here, instead using the kitchen table. Now this room is getting tons of use. With all of the extra space they now have, they play cards, barbies, blocks, school, ninjas, Star Wars, etc.

Sometimes less is definitely more.

We love the Kings River!

We knew we would take the kids swimming this evening. I was supposed to take some to Grandma and Grandpa's house while John took some to the river. Before we left, John asked me to please go to the river instead --so I went. The river was nice and low and and not real cold like a month ago. They even found a rope swing!

The highlight for me came early on, when Rachel held out her hand to help me down the steep riverbank. Her kindness took me by surprise since I had spent a good part of the afternoon drilling her on spelling words like was, his, fun, and bag, and she seemed genuinely ticked at me by the end of it. Her anger is not lasting as long as it used to and as a result she was able to enjoy swimming with her siblings.

Too bad Jonny had to go potty ten minutes after we got there. When I told him to just go in the river he gave me the strangest look.

"In my pants? So they could get all yucky?"

"Yeah, just go ahead and go pee-pee. The river will wash it away."

"Mom, no it won't. I will get all smelly."

To make a long story short, I could not convince him to go and Jonny held it until we got home.