The Importance of Touch

From the time I was a little girl, I remember having to sit in the middle of my mom's little Toyota pickup truck because my sister was in a car seat so she had to sit in the passenger seat because of the stick shift. I was very squished and complained incessantly about the stick shift always hitting my legs, but secretly, I loved sitting so close to my mom often leaning up against her soft body.

Often times after shifting gears, she would rest her hand on my knee and I would put my own hand on top. Nothing too special when you think about it, but that little bit of warm and loving touch that I got from my mom made me feel very special. It was during those drives in the car, that my mom's special touch made me feel loved.

This was only one of many ways that I remember my mom's physical touch. She would often rub my legs when I had growing pains, and she would reach out and grab my hand from across the table when we were having a conversation. What came out of her mouth was not always as gentle but her physical touch more than balanced the love that I felt from her.

I see so much of my mom in me, and though I'd like to believe that I am not as loud as she was when I was a child, I do hope that I make my children feel just as loved by my physical touch.

I was reading the home training lessons for BSF this week and the topic was about the importance of touch. It said,

"The emotional health of children is greatly enhanced when they have the warm, loving touch of parents and other family members. In infancy, children receive a lot of touching in diapering, dressing, feeding, and carrying. Even though they out grow diapers, baby food, and other aspects of babyhood, they do not outgrow their need for the warm caresses prompted by love and acceptance."

This is so important to realize not only for parents who are not very affectionate people to begin with, but also for all of us adoptive parents. Some of us might have adopted our children as young as one year old, but even these kids have missed out on the physical touch that is so vital to their emotional health.

As children graduate from babyhood, they continue to benefit from hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and affectionate hair tousles. Since they are still at an age where physical touch can be given quite naturally, take advantage of it while you can.

As children get even older, this kind of affection seems unnecessary, even silly to the point that you might be tempted to back off completely. You might even deem it inappropriate. Don't do this, please.

Teenagers are at an age where healthy affection and expressions of love are of great need. If our children can't turn to us for appropriate nurturing and healthy physical touch, they may turn to someone else like a boyfriend or girlfriend for it, and end up suffering emotionally. They may succumb to immoral relationships as they try fulfill their desire for love and acceptance.

A child that grows up without parental hugs or reaffirming touch may grow up to be adults who are limited in sharing love or expressing affection because they simply have never been taught.

I admit that it is easier for me to be affectionate to my children when they are easy to love. When behavior issues are going on or I feel that they are pushing me away, I am not in the mood to give them a much needed hug. Sometimes my goodnight kiss to them is forced on my part because I've let them control how I feel about them at that moment. But I still think that my forced kiss is much more beneficial to my children than no kiss at all.

I think these feelings that I describe can be related to a parent who was raised in a home that lacked physical touch and is now trying to initiate it with their child for the first time. It probably feels a bit forced. Here are a couple of ideas suggested by BSF.

Ask God to help you not overlook your child's need for physical affection. I ask for a simple reminder from Him, which He always gives.

Choose to start and end each day of your child's life with a loving hug.

When your child is fearful or anxious, try to accompany your words of comfort with a reassuring hug or pat on the shoulder.

Plan cuddle time.

Allow time for hands-on fun like piggyback rides.

Take a walk holding hands.